To Build A Home
by gragner
Summary: Suzy-Lucille Barnes knew herself to be a few grand things in her not-so-grand Brooklyn life: twin to Bucky Barnes, friend to Steve Rogers, and future nurse for the US Army. And she'd be damned if anyone took any of those away from her.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey kid, how're you doing?"

Bucky Barnes stepped into his sister's room, observing her as she crouched over the notes on her bed. A grunt resounded from her form, and he closed the door behind himself before moving to sit at the edge of the bed.

"You know, Suzy, it's good to take a break now and then. Take some time and let all of the information settle. Who knows, it might be helpful to get up, take a walk."

His twin looked up at him, her hair falling from its braid and her hazel eyes noticeably tired. Sighing, she set her book down, "Bucky, you just- I'm sorry, but you don't understand. You're a man— you don't have the same competition that I have. I appreciate the sentiment, but If I waste any time by taking a break, I could end up losing this position to another girl who has studied harder. You know how important it is that I do this."

Bucky groaned, leaning back on her bed. He seemingly chose to ignore her former comments as he proceeded, "To be honest Suze, I don't really get _why_ it's so important. Don't take this the wrong way, but you would be fine here. You'd be taken care of here; Miss Brown is just next door— besides, I'm still going to write you. It's not like coming overseas is going to keep us together. They send troops where they're needed, not where they wanna go. " His prompts were met with rolled eyes.

"Yes, Bucky, because _you_ ' _re_ the only reason that I want to join the war efforts. Use that big brain of yours and figure out that as much as I will miss you, it's not just about that. I can't just sit here and do nothing, Buck." Suzy looked away from her brother, before starting to aimlessly play around with the pencil in her hand. "I want to be a nurse, I want to help people, and I most certainly will not allow myself to sit around during a war without some kind of effort to contribute. It'll drive me crazy. I don't want to be one of those girls working in a factory, or knitting scarves for cold soldiers. That isn't enough for me."

Bucky huffed, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his head, "Alright, you got me there. You really can't knit worth shit…" Laughing, he reached over and smacked her lightly on the back. "You and Steve are a real pair, you know? It's okay _not_ to join the forces."

She switched from staring at a frayed spot on the blanket to scowling up at him, "Says the boy who got in." Bucky decidedly looked away, not ready for another argument over the matter, "Yeah, okay. You and I both know that I won't stop you— I mean, it's your life. Just know that I worry. And don't you dare get hurt, or else I'll have to come and kill you myself." He laughed half-heartedly, going to stand. "And I swear, if one of those soldiers hits on you…"

Suzy looked up, her eyebrows raised. "You'll what? Kill them? Buck, I'm gonna have to fall in love some day."

"Yeah, maybe, but hittin' on a girl isn't any way of going about it, trust me. Especially not my sister. They need to treat you like a princess, or whatever. " He paused for a moment, a smirk ever-present on his face as his eyes twinkled up toward her. "And besides, someone's gotta be here for Steve. I mean, I always figured that you two might end up getting together and-"

"Buck, stop!" Her cheeks grew warm and she kicked lightly at him, throwing her papers everywhere. Groaning and tidying them up, she laughed lowly. "You and I both know that Steve deserves the world, and I'm not the dame that's going to make him happy. If I was, we would have been together a long, long time ago. He'll be fine without me, I'm sure. Now please, stop being ridiculous and let me work. Please." She rolled her eyes lightly, piling the papers back in front of her lap again.

Her twin groaned, smacking his forehead. "You're both as bad as each other!" She gave him a pointed glare and he stood, hands up. Looking at her hunched form one more time before moving to open the door, he smiled. "Fine, fine. But just a tip—don't get stuck sitting like that— then you'll never be on the front lines," Winking at her, he turned to leave, "Love ya, Suzy-Lu."

As he shut the door behind him, he heard her mutter, "Yeah, yeah. You too, Buck."

* * *

Another day and another booklet to teach her about the replacement of severed limbs. Suzy felt her heart tugging at her to get up and move, but as she flipped through the booklet, she knew that there was barely enough time in the day to get through it. Let alone to take a walk.

Looking at this _monstrosity_ of a book, Suzy-Lucille Barnes wouldn't be honest if she said that she wasn't the tiniest bit uncomfortable. To read about the injuries was one thing, but to go into the field and to help the injured, that would be a different thing entirely. Nobody could truly prepare themselves for the war, that much was a surety. And she may not have become a nurse yet, but she had worked in a hospital as a receptionist for about a year before the war had begun, and she had seen a large number of casualties. Some of which had made her sick to her stomach- or worse, actually sick. It had been her first day, but heavens, she would never live that moment down.

Though, stubbornness was a Barnes family trait, and soon, the ripped ligaments of a man's femur were dinnertime conversation for her (much to Bucky's dismay.)

Flipping through to the next page of her work, Suzy almost didn't notice the knock at the front door. Looking up and pushing her hair away from her eyes, she called to her brother, "Bucky! Get the door please!"

Silence.

"Buck? Are you there?"

Again, no reply.

"Okay, never mind! I'll get it!" Suzy yelled to her absent brother before pausing and shaking her head, realizing that she was speaking to thin air. "Okay, maybe he's right— I need to take a break. Geez, I sound crazy."

Another light knock sounded at the door, and she rushed to get her appearance straightened, "Sorry, sorry! I'm coming! Just a minute!" Reaching the entrance of the apartment that she and her brother shared, Suzy smoothed down her dark hair once more before unlocking and opening the door. Only allowing for it to be opened ajar, she looked outside into the hallway. Unsurprisingly, Steve Rogers stood small and awkward at their entryway.

Grinning fondly, she greeted their third companion, "Stevie! Good morning! I'm really sorry, let me just open this." Suzy began to fumble at the lock, opening the door wider for their long-time friend. "Hi Suzy," He smiled, nodding his head to her. "Is Bucky here today?" Steve quickly looked behind the girl, knowing that his best friend was most likely not there, but looking for him nonetheless.

"How about you come inside first, you know, before we worry about Bucky?" Suzy laughed lightheartedly, gesturing Steve inside. He smiled gratefully and entered into their home, wiping his shoes on the mat as he did. "Thanks, Suze." She smiled widely, moving towards the kitchen. "Do you want a drink, Steve? We don't have much, but we just bought some new milk, so that should suffice."

He shook his head, declining the offer. "No, thanks, but that's alright. I was really just looking for Bucky. I need to get a book back from him."

At the look on her face, Steve laughed. "Before you say what you're thinking, I'm going to assure you that it was merely used to weigh down a few of his bent playing cards." Suzy snorted, fully aware that her brother— while smart— did not like to read books. In fact, the only thing that he had been reading lately was newspaper clippings about the war efforts. Since his return from training, he had been rearing to go back.

"He's been so focused on that lately that I've barely seen him," She complained distractedly, taking a cup and pouring herself some water, "but then again, I shouldn't speak. According to good ol' Buck I'm now a recluse. Because, you know, wanting to help our country is _so_ bad. Well, for a girl, apparently…" Her comments were met with silence, and she looked up at her friend. "Oh, Stevie. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay, Suze. It's not your fault. Besides, my luck will come eventually, right? Honestly Suzy, if anyone at all, you deserve this."

Suzy looked into Steve's eyes, her face downcast. "Well, I'd say the same about you, Steve. And if I could give you my place, I would, one hundred times over. I hope that you know that." He looked down, rubbing the back of his head, "You're a sweetheart, Suze, but I'd never let you do that, and you know it."

The two stood still for a moment, their eyes meeting, before Suzy decided the silence to be unsavory. Brushing off her skirt, she moved to the cupboard. "Well, my good sir. There's absolutely no use in sitting around moping. I think that it's high time that we bake some cookies and lighten up the place with the smell of chocolate. Take a seat, Rogers." Steve sat at the table, as she grabbed the few ingredients left in her home, piling them together on the counter.

"I thought that chocolate chips weren't selling anymore?" Steve cut in, eying the half-empty bag that sat with the rest of the ingredients. Suzy grinned, placing her hands flat on the counter and looking down at him, "You're not wrong. I've been saving these for the last few months- you know, for when the occasion called. And I think that you and I deserve chocolate chips right now." Steve laughed, and nodded. "I'm not going to complain, if that's what you want. But I'm definitely not going to accept any of your hard-earned chocolate chips without a bit of help."

* * *

Suzy's giggle echoed throughout the kitchen for the next half-an-hour as Steve helped her prepare the cookies. The two worked quickly together, and by the time that they had placed the cookies into the oven they stood with flour covering their clothes and stomachs rumbling.

Taking a spoonful of the remaining cookie dough, Suzy walked towards the couch, gesturing for Steve to join her. "Are you going to the Stark convention tonight? I've heard some amazing things about it."

Steve sighed, sitting down beside her and leaning back into the couch. "Yep, I'm coming. Your brother invited me along, but I have a bad feeling that it's another one of his double dates. I don't know if he sees that he's just wasting his time; not one girl in Brooklyn is looking for a guy like me." He paused, looking warily at Suzy's frowning face. Somehow, throughout all of their years together, he had always felt comfortable opening up to her. And today he definitely needed to.

"I don't know, Suzy… They all want a guy like your brother— strong, good looking- a soldier through and through. I don't know if he sees it, if he sees the way that those girls look at him— the way that they _don't_ look at me. But I suppose that I shouldn't complain. I mean, one of these days Bucky could end up introducing me to my future wife. I just need to keep on trying. Maybe one of these days I'll end up doing something right."

Suzy stayed quiet for a moment, playing with the ends of her dress. Looking up, she looked her friend in the eyes, "Have I ever told you just how much I admire you, Steve? I mean, you're always so optimistic. Enlistment says no, you try again. Other men try to beat on you, and you get back up. I wish that I had half of the strength that you do. If I don't get this nursing opportunity, I don't think that I'll be able to get back up again. I've put almost all of my chips into getting in. But Stevie, you don't give up. Any dame would be lucky to have you."

Looking down, his cheeks warm from the compliment, Steve shuffled his feet, "I guess that over time I've learned that I have to keep getting back up. If I don't, I… Well, I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to stay the underdog. My time will eventually come, and that's why I need to stay standing." He looked back up, smiling bashfully, "But thank you. I know you may not see it, but you're stronger than you think, and you _will_ make it into the forces."

Suzy smiled back hopefully, placing a hand on his hunched back as she went to stand, "Well, I know that some day you'll make a girl very, very happy with that sweet talk of yours. If only I was so lucky!" As she spoke, they both froze. Blushing, she coughed and stretched out, looking around the room before she turned back to him. His eyes were a bit wide, but otherwise, he seemed to not have really noticed her comment.

Trying to move on, she reached for his hand, pulling him up from the sofa. "Okay, let's finish these cookies before Buck gets back. You two have an event to go to, and what kind of sister would I be if I didn't send you off with cookies?" Steve's small head nodded, and he looked at the clock. "That sounds perfect. He'll love it."

Suzy moved toward the kitchen, "And I'm positive that your date will as well! Do you mind just taking the cookies out of the oven? I'm going to check Bucky's room for your book quickly." Running into her brother's room, she went to look for it. Steve moved to check on the cookies, listening to her rustling around, before she resurfaced with an unhappy look on her face. "Hey, Steve. When you're out tonight, tell the kid to clean his room. It's absolutely disgusting!"

He laughed, and placed the cookies on a cooling rack. "Sure thing, Suze. I mean, you're giving me chocolate, so it's really the least that I can do. Now come on, and let me help you."

After the cookies were cooled and packed away in bags for the boys and their dates, Suzy led Steve's smaller frame to the doorway, "I'm sorry Steve, I really thought he'd come back home before you guys head out. But you never know with my brother— we should have known better than to wait on Bucky Barnes."

Passing him his book and his cookies, she moved to hug his smaller frame. "Promise to come over soon Steve, you know that you're always welcome in our home. And don't let those silly applications get you down. I know that you'll get in. I guess you could say that I've got a hunch."

Steve returned the hug, and moved towards the door, a final smile on his face as he turned around, "You know, it was good to see you, Suzy. I sure do know that I've missed your beautiful face; it's not quite as bright around Brooklyn without it,"

She felt her face heat slightly at the compliment, and laughed. "Always the charmer."

He winked, pulling his jacket on as he spoke, "I've got to bring something to the table, don't I? And hey, if you're up to it, maybe I'll see you tonight."

With that, he nodded again, and walked away down the hallway. As his figure turned the corner, Suzy closed the door. Leaning back against it, she let out a heavy sigh and closed her eyes.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe you will."

* * *

 _Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion, and the World of Tomorrow…_

The intercom played repetitiously, blending in with the noise of the crowd and the music that played.

Suzy looked around, trying to grasp everything that she was seeing. All of the inventions, the lights, and the flashiness drew her breath away. She must have looked ridiculous, her mouth open in disbelief, and her small figure planted still, unmoving as the crowd maneuvered around her. This was _amazing._

A voice on the intercom drew her away from her stupor as Howard Stark was announced to the stage— pushing into the crowd, and she stood to get a glimpse of the infamous young inventor. As he stepped out onto the stage, girls screamed and he descended quickly toward one of the show girls, kissing her eagerly. Suzy blushed, looking down at her feet. She would have felt mortified if it had been her.

The crowd listened closely as Stark introduced his big, show-stopping invention— a hovering car. Gasping at all the right times, they fed into his overwhelming stage presence, one which could only be attained through an enormous ego. Despite Howard Stark's obvious self-infatuation, Suzy felt herself grin in amazement when his hovering car began to lift. This was beyond anything she had ever seen before. It lifted higher and higher, until, with a sudden cough, it fell to the ground in sparks.

Stark stood still, suddenly looking much more out of place. The crowd froze for a moment as well, before cheering even louder (if possible.) This seemed to give the young inventor the push that he needed to regain his composure, and with that, he went back to speaking animatedly about the flying cars of the future.

Suzy stood listening for a while, before moving along. Something about standing there in the crowd made her feel lonely, and the only thing she wanted to do was get away from the dozens of couples lined up to watch. Speeding up her pace, she held onto her bag tightly as she pushed through the throng of people.

She was just about out of the crowd when she was suddenly pulled back. Her hand tightened on her bag, and in following her instinct, she moved to elbow the person that had pulled at her shoulder. The culprit stepped back quickly, and she looked to see their face.

"James Buchanan Barnes! If you do that again I swear I will not hesita—" Suddenly, his hand was on her mouth and his face had a look that screamed ' _Please, shut up!'_ Gesturing behind himself, her brother elaborated that he was in the company of two young women, and with that, she closed her mouth. With her compliance, he released his hold, and politely waved his hand to the two, "Sorry girls, my sister here was just teasing! Please, excuse us for one moment."

Grabbing Suzy's arm, he pulled her off to the side, looking back once more with a smile. "Okay, where have you hidden him?" He spoke quietly, and looked down at her in suspicion. "I swear, just because you happen to like him doesn't mean you can—" At this point, her hand went flying over his mouth, "Bucky, I can only assume that this 'him' you refer to is, in fact, our friend Steve Rogers. And if it is, in fact, Steve Rogers, then I can assure you that I do not like him in the way that you're implying."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I meant to say that you were madly in love with him, my sincerest apologies." He grinned in satisfaction as his sister grew red, her mouth opening silently, waiting for a retort that was yet to be found. "I don't— just, please shut up Bucky!" She looked around quickly, glaring at him.

"So what if I do? Which I, once again for clarification, don't. I made one comment years ago, and it goes down in history, for goodness sakes."

"Yeah, one comment that may or may not have been you admitting your undying love for my best friend."

" _Our_ best friend, and I was twelve years old. I had a crush, and it was years ago." Seeing that her defenses were going unnoticed, she reiterated her argument, "You know what Bucky? So what if I like him; He's the only guy who I happen to know that isn't a complete scumbag. You would be so lucky that your sister would find someone as caring as him. So please, just _hush,_ and stop giving me that look _._ "

The smirk remained, but Bucky put his arm tightly around her shoulder, pinching her, "Yeah, yeah. You can say it, but it doesn't mean I'll stop bugging you. No matter _how young_ we were." Squeezing her arm lightly once more, he let go and turned to look around the room. "But seriously Suze, Steve has vanished and if I don't find him soon my date will vanish too." He looked at his sister expectantly, and she crossed her arms, "Bucky, I haven't seen him. I've only been here for a short while. You shouldn't have let him walk away in the first place."

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Kind of past it, actually. Now if you don't mind, I need your help finding him. I think that I have an idea of where he could be-"

"The recruitment centre."

Suzy may not have known Steve in quite the same way that her twin brother did, but anyone that knew Steve well enough knew that he was obsessed with joining the forces along with his best friend. Bucky's face straightened out from its grin quickly, as it always did when the conversation came up; he didn't speak about his feelings much, but she had a sense that Bucky had grown increasingly worried about his best friend. Seeing his face, Suzy didn't hesitate to start walking away in search of the enlistment lineup. Her brother quickly made an excuse, and within seconds he followed close behind, two bewildered girls left standing behind him.

"Steve! There you are, thank goodness! Buck, he's over here!"

Motioning her brother over, Suzy jogged up to the form of Steve Rogers, a smile on her face. "We thought we'd lost you for good, you know." Joking lightly, she stopped beside him. He didn't look at her, but rather, down at his feet. A silence settled around them for a moment, and Suzy felt the urge to reach out to him.

Placing a hand gently on his back, she asked, "Steve? Are you okay?"

He sighed, looking up and staring at the image of the soldier in front of him with pained eyes. "I don't know, I feel like—" A voice cut in, as Bucky came up to grab him by the shoulder, his voice cheerful, "You know, I wouldn't usually complain about being left alone with two girls, but I told 'em we'd all go dancing, and I can't keep 'em both busy!"

If Suzy didn't know better, she'd think that her brother was an idiot. But she could sense the worry behind his words. Bucky didn't treat problems in the same way that she did; he would either confront them with an almost painful honesty, or he would simply push them away. She, on the other hand, had always been more of a gentle touch. Especially when it came to Steve.

" _Bucky."_ With her hand still on their friend's back, she took a step towards her brother, her eyes warning him to stop. "I don't think now is the time."

"Dear sister, let me assure you, any time is a good time to spend with beautiful girls. Especially now. So Steve, you got your dancing shoes on?"

Steve lifted his shoulders and stepped aside from their grasping hands. "You know, you go ahead Buck. I'll catch up with you." His voice held a level of determination that the Barnes siblings knew well, and Bucky's face grew more serious as he faced his friend, "You really going to do this again?" His voice was quiet, loaded with unspoken thoughts.

Suzy wanted to stop her brother, she wanted to tell him to lay off. But when Bucky got serious like this it was sometimes best not to cut in. He needed to have the confrontation.

Steve didn't back down, however, "Well, it's a fair, I'm gonna try my luck." Bucky's voice rose from before as he began his lecture, "As who, Steve from Ohio? This is illegal, Steve. Illegal. They'll catch you if you keep it up. Worse, they might even take you. Is it really worth it?"

The smaller boy's face was adamant as he continued to argue his case, "Look, I know you don't think I can do this—" His voice was cut off by Bucky, "This isn't a back alley, Steve! This is a war!"

Steve began to reply, "I know it's a war." But he was interrupted again by Bucky, "Why are you so keen to fight?"

The banter continued, until Steve had his voice raised, his eyes tired of the constant badgering, "Bucky, come on. There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That's what you don't understand— this isn't about me."

"Right. Because you've got nothing to prove."

Suzy saw her brother's eyes look towards her, and just for a second, down towards the sickly frame that had for so many years troubled Steve. The unconscious action didn't go unmissed by Steve's eyes, and the three stood in silence for what felt like just a moment too long.

" _Hey Sarge, are we going dancing?"_ The girls called from the background, eager and unaware of the tension that had just formed between the trio. Bucky turned, as Suzy had expected him to, and called back, "Yes, we are!"

Typical Bucky, she thought. Walk away from the argument. Accept no defeat tonight.

Shaking his head, he began to walk away, looking directly at Steve. "Don't do anything stupid until I get back." And as the two had always managed to do, they recovered.

"How can I? You're taking all of the stupid with you."

"You're a punk."

"Jerk."

It was time for Bucky to leave, and as he did, he gave a tight hug to Steve, and one to his sister. "So long, sweet pea." He murmured her nickname as he squeezed her goodbye. Bucky only called her that on special occasions, and as he said it, she knew all of the unspoken words that he had wanted to say. She hugged him just a bit tighter, as if to return the sentiment, and then he let go. "You too, big brother. Write me." He smiled warmly as she used his nickname in teturn, and he kissed her briefly on the temple. "Born first, and I'll be damned if I'm not the first to go. Don't do anything that I'd do, okay?"

She nodded, her eyes wet as she laughed. "I'll try. Write me!"

As he walked away, Steve called back to him, "Be careful," and with a second thought, he added, "don't win the war 'till I get there!"

With a smile and one last salute, Bucky was off.

After Bucky had left with the girls, silence had settled once again. Steve didn't need much time to contemplate things before he turned to her. "You know where I'm headed. Interested in joining? I'd be more than happy to walk you home after I'm done." He offered up his arm, smiling gently. Without question, Suzy walked up and took it, her body overshadowing his in size and stature. "You know that I'd love nothing more than to come and give you my support, Steve Rogers. Lead the way."

As they walked, she watched the people loitering about. A few boys scoffed as they saw them walking together, obviously confused as to why such a fragile man would have any kind of girl on his arm. A few folks smiled at them, being polite. And many girls looked away in disdain, almost as if they could catch sickness just by staring at her companion. At this point, though, they were both used to stares such as these. Having grown up as one of the only females in his life, Suzy had often faced the criticisms that he had to deal with every day. Early on in their friendship she had gotten into many arguments over the matter, but as she grew she began to quiet down, perhaps because she had grown used to the stares, or perhaps because she was in no position to fight anyone anymore. Either way, she now took it as Steve tried to often do— by simply walking away.

Of course, Steve stood his ground if confronted, as could be seen by the many fights that he had gotten into throughout his life. Heaven forbid anyone insult his friends- he had gotten himself hurt far too many times in the pursuit of justice. While Bucky grew frustrated with his habit of standing up to the bigger guy, Suzy found it sweet. It was one of the many things that the loved about Steve. He knew the difference between right and wrong, and he would always fight for it.

And so, while Bucky had been less than understanding of his need to fight in the war, she had understood completely. This was his nature. Steve Rogers wanted to fight for what he felt was just, and she knew that not even heaven nor hell could stop him. He was a force to be reckoned with.

Even if he didn't look like it.

She took her time enjoying his company, returning his jokes, and spinning haphazardly with him as the music grew louder. They both laughed merrily, enjoying the last night before Bucky was gone, and it was the two of them. Even if it was just them already.

She squeezed his arm lightly as they reached the front of the line, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him. "I'm gonna be your good luck charm tonight, Stevie. You can do this."

He grinned, his white teeth standing in stark contrast to the red of his cheeks. "As long as you believe in me, I'm willing to believe in me." He winked, moving forward as they called his name. She grabbed at his arm, pulling at him for just a moment before he moved to enter the examination room. "Steve, whether or not you get in, just know that I'll be with you. For good luck."

A brief smile was all that she saw before he was pulled behind the curtain. Crossing her arms, she moved out of the line, awkwardly looking around as she waited.

"I got in!"

The excited voice of Steve Rogers pulled Suzy out of her daze as she looked toward the tent. She had been watching the various men (and a few women) stand in the large mirror that showed them as a soldier.

"Did you just say what I think you said?" She blinked, wondering if she'd misheard. He nodded happily, moving quickly to help her up from her seat. "I'm going to be a soldier, Suze!"

Laughing, she allowed Steve to pull her up and instantly moved to hug him, kissing him briefly on the cheek as she did so. "Congratulations Steve! I told you it'd happen tonight!"

He looked bashful, his hand rubbing the back of his head. "I don't think it would have without my good luck charm. Thanks for being here, Suze." She grinned, hugging an arm around him as she led him out of the tent. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, Stevie."

* * *

 **I started writing this FF a long time ago (I think 2015...) and have only just returned to it. Hopefully it can keep it true to what I want it to become. I don't own anyone but Suzy. :) Also, I will try to keep timelines and everything accurate, but may make a mistake or two along the way. If you notice any problematic timelines or things that aren't matching up, please politely let me know. :) Thank you, thank you! Feel free to review if you'd like- although I'll keep writing either way.**

 **Stay tuned for the next chapter:**

 **-Steve enters training**  
 **-Suzy enters her papers for nursing**  
 **-Disaster strikes**

 **Bye for now! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Ice cream had been a mandatory celebration the following day. A celebration for Bucky, who had left on the train that morning, his hat waving lazily out of the window as he said his final goodbyes. Suzy had messily cried on his uniform and he ended up having to pass her over to Steve to ensure that he could actually jump onto the train before it left.

And, of course, Steve's enlistment had been the other reason to celebrate. Once Bucky had left, the two of them had taken the long walk from the station to their favorite ice cream parlor and had sat across from one another in the window booth. Steve had told her to order anything that she'd like and she'd tried to insist that she pay for her own milkshake, but he had remained adamant, "No dame should have to pay for her own milkshake, Suze. Especially not a dame as beautiful as you. Buck would kill me if I let you pay."

She choked slightly on her chocolate treat, looking up at him through her lashes. "I don't know what it is that you're seeing Stevie, but I'll take the compliment. And thank you, by the way, for paying. Although, I wouldn't have told Buck if you'd let me pay. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him." Winking, she continued to sip on the milkshake while it remained cold.

"Although," she cut him off as he began to open his mouth, continuing to look through her lashes, "I do think that you should have told him about your enlistment." She had noticed earlier that morning that Steve had not yet told her brother about his recent news. It hadn't been her business to tell Bucky, so she had kept quiet, but she was concerned that he hadn't said anything. After all, Bucky deserved to know if his best friend was putting his life on the line.

Steve was silent for a moment, and she watched as his mind whirled. Finishing up her milkshake and crossing her arms, Suzy waited patiently for his answer.

"I didn't- I guess, well… I just didn't know how to tell him. He's been so worried about you joining, and then he's gotten so frustrated with me over my wanting to be a part of the war, and I guess I just didn't want to make it worse. I wanted him to go and join the forces without having to worry about his sickly little friend back home."

Suzy gave Steve a stern gaze, biting on her lip as she did so. "Was that really your call to make, Steve?"

"Do you think that I did the wrong thing?" His voice was frustrated as he lifted his arms, as if to say _'What would you have done, then?'_

"I think that Bucky would have liked to know. No matter how much grief he gives you, he still wants you to do what makes you happy. And he'd like to be able to know where he's going to be writing you letters."

A sigh of trepidation. "Yep. You're right. Of course you're right; you're his twin."

She smiled warmly, brushing off her skirt and sitting up higher. "Woman's intuition, Stevie boy."

As they both sat and discussed what to write in his letter to Bucky, a young girl came up to serve them, her hair perfectly coiled and her uniform immaculate. She smiled warmly at the two of them, her notepad in hand. "Finished our milkshakes, are we?" The two nodded, thanking the waitress. She took them both and placed them on her tray before looking toward Steve.

"Well, sir, can I get you and your gal over here anything else to top you off? Another milkshake to share, maybe?"

Steve's cheeks went a scarlet red as he realized what the waitress was insinuating. "Err, no thank you. We're not actua-"

"The bill would be perfect, thank you." Suzy cut him off, giving him a quick look before turning back to the waitress and smiling. The young girl nodded and hurried off to ring them through as Steve quirked an eyebrow at his companion, "I was only trying to correct her. I don't want to embarrass you by lying to her."

This was the never-ending battle with Steve. He believed so passionately in so many great things, but heaven forbid he believe as strongly in himself.

"You would have embarrassed me if you _had_ corrected her. The last thing I want is for this gal to think that I'm undeserving of a good man like you, Steve." She smiled warmly, placing her hand over his in the hopes of reassuring him. He gave her a wary look but nodded, giving in. "Nobody would think that, you know."

"I don't know that, Stevie. Now if you're alright to get the bill, I'm going to quickly run to the ladies room."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't pull a runner on me, alright? I've had too many of those with Buck."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Rogers!"

* * *

After being escorted home, Suzy had given Steve the last batch of sugar cookies that she'd made to bring home with him, insisting that she'd pop by later in the week to check in on him. Ever since his mother had passed, affairs at the Rogers household had been minimal, and her and Bucky had tried to take it upon themselves to stop by as often as the could allow themselves. Holidays were _always_ reserved for Steve, and although it was merely Memorial Day, she would be there for him.

Settling into the quiet of her apartment, she grew uncomfortable. Her and Bucky had decided a year or so back that they would like to live in their own place, separate from their family. Not due to any lost love, of course, but rather, in order to ensure that they were able to live life by their own means.

Once they had graduated, they had begun to realize that living under their mother's roof was perhaps not the best for them. They needed to be free to establish their lives, under their own roof. Initially they had planned to move in with Steve, but after he had insisted that it would be improper for a dame such as herself to live in a household with two men, Bucky had relented and they had settled in a small, shabby place not too far from Steve's.

But since Bucky had entered the forces in the Winter, she had found the place to be a bit too empty for her liking. She had tried to make things more comfortable- baking and allowing more sunshine in, but alas, she continued to feel out of place.

For the time being, she decided to clean up the clutter that had accumulated. Straightening out the sofa cushions and preparing her clothes in her laundry bag to be brought to the dry cleaners later on, she kept herself busy. While she worked, she carried a small medical dictionary around with her, reading the terms and testing herself as she distractedly moved about.

By 5 o'clock, the smell of the neighbor's food permeated into her windows, and Suzy settled on trying to find something to piece together for dinner. Finding a small slice of chicken left over from two nights ago, and a few leaves of lettuce, she worked on re-heating everything. It was nothing exciting, but food no longer really was. A number of lower income families had been struggling to keep up with the rising cost of food, and she and Bucky had been careful to spend only as much as needed.

Eating the lackluster meal, Suzy worked on finishing up her application for her enlistment. She had been working hard over the last couple of months to prepare for her future with the US Army, and sending out the forms had thus far been the hardest task for her. Bucky had laughed at her, asking why she was so keen to learn if she hadn't even sent in her forms yet, but she was hesitant. She had set the goal of becoming a field nurse, and had not wanted to hand in anything that was less than exemplary.

Not that working in the hospitals was a bad thing, of course. Serving one's country was important, no matter where you might be stationed. But Suzy-Lucille Barnes knew that she was made to work out where the war was hitting the hardest. She wanted to be the woman that saved lives out in the trenches. She wanted to know that she could be there for the soldiers as quickly as possibly needed. She wanted to be the person that pulled soldiers from the brink of death and helped them to get to safety.

After listening to the stories of the war from Bucky, she had made that promise to herself and the soldiers working hard on the front lines.

Her brother, of course, thought she was crazy.

Humming softly, she finally sorted out the finishing touches on her enlistment application. Holding the paper up for one more re-evaluation, she nodded resolutely. She would be sending in her papers tomorrow.

Going to her desk, she placed the paper down and pulled out a blank sheet and a pen. Finding the messily scrawled address that Bucky had written for her, she began to write.

 _Dearest brother of mine,_

 _I think that today you'd be proud of me. I finally finished my application! Maybe next time you see me, I'll be fighting to save lives overseas. Or, maybe not. Nonetheless, I'm excited to finally be following in your footsteps._

 _I hope that you're doing alright out there. I know that it must be so different, and I'm positive that you probably will have only just arrived once this letter reaches you._

 _I've told Steve to write you as well. It looks like things are finally looking up for him, and hopefully for me too. We miss you, but we're so proud of you._

 _We went out to get milkshakes yesterday to celebrate your shipment out (you know that your leaving is a cause for celebration, obviously!) and I couldn't help but wish that you were there, eating your peppermint ice cream across from me. But you weren't, and alas, the poor waitress had to bear without having a handsome soldier to flirt with. Pity._

 _I send my love, Buck. Be safe, and don't do anything stupid._

 _Kisses,_  
 _Suzy_

 _P.S. We weren't actually celebrating because you left. We're just happy for you, and for the forces. They won't know what hit them. I'm willing to bet that a Barnes boy will win this war. Do me a favor and follow through, hey? Can't go embarrassing your little sister, now._

 _Kisses again! Love you!_

* * *

Down the block, Steve Rogers was trying endlessly to write his own letter to Bucky. A few crushed up papers sat on the side of his desk, and he ran his hand through his hair, struggling to write what he was looking to say. Heck, if he was honest, he didn't even want to write this letter. But he knew better than to go against the word of the Barnes twins. They knew one another inside-out. If Suzy felt that he should tell Bucky, he would.

But how could he tell Bucky when he barely understood it himself?

 _Hey Jerk,_

 _We miss you here. I know that it's only been a day or so, but I can see it on Suzy's face. She won't say anything of course, but maybe write her a letter to let her know that you're thinking of her. If you have time, of course. If you're too busy fighting the war, I guess she'll understand that too._

 _When you left, I forgot to mention something. Its pretty great news, and I feel guilty for leaving you out. I suppose I just didn't want to stress you out. The thing is, I was enlisted. I know you may not be as excited as I am, but I can't wait to serve the great men and women of our country._

 _I promise that I'll be safe. You don't have to worry about me._

 _Love,_  
 _Steve_

 _P.S. I don't think you have to worry about me keeping an eye on your sister. She seems to be pretty keen to join the efforts as soon as she can. I think it's a bit lonely without you. Don't tell her I mentioned anything, please. Just trust that I'm gonna keep an eye on her for as long as I'm here._

Folding the paper, Steve packaged it away along with a sketch that he'd done a few weeks ago of Bucky and Suzy. The two were laying together on a picnic blanket in the park, napping after they'd all eaten. It was a fond memory for him, as he was sure it was for the twins. He knew that the drawing would be a warm reminder of the short time that Bucky spent back in Brooklyn with his family.

Maybe the drawing would be enough to calm his friend down once he read the letter. Steve felt relatively guilty for not telling him, but hoped that Bucky would understand. _He always does._

Sighing heavily and standing, he stretched his tired bones and began to walk to the kitchen to grab a quick snack. As he was taking some bread and butter out of the cupboard, a knock sounded from the doorway. Pausing in his pursuit to fill his grumbling stomach, Steve walked to the door and looked through the peephole. The warm eyes of Suzy Barnes were looking back into the peephole at him, wrinkling slightly as if she might be smiling.

Opening the door, he leaned back against it, smiling and crossing his arms at the younger Barnes sibling. "I didn't know if you would be coming today."

She smiled, moving into the doorway and briefly hugging Steve as she walked forward into the room. "I can't forget about my favorite fella, can I? Unless, of course, you have other plans…"

Laughing, he shut the door gently and walked back toward the kitchen. "Nope, I've only got eyes for you tonight, Barnes." They both blushed, and he coughed slightly as he went back to cutting a slice of bread. "Bread and butter for the lady?"

"You know the way to a girls heart, Rogers."

He dished up the snack for both of them and placed the plates on the coffee table. Sitting beside Suzy, he crossed his arms. "Okay, okay. Enough with the last names. I'd prefer to have my Suze back." She smiled and reached her hand over to his, squeezing as she looked up at him with her hazel eyes shining. Steve felt his heart beat so heavily that he almost worried that she might be able to hear.

 _Get a grip, Rogers. This is Bucky's sister. This is Suzy. A dame like her deserves a man that can protect her._

"I've got wonderful news."

Distractedly, he swallowed and leaned back, guiltily enjoying the feeling of his cold hand in her warmer one. "News?"

Nodding, she took her hand back from him and moved to sit directly in front of him, her knees curled up underneath her skirt gracefully. He felt a slight loss as she let go, but quickly folded his arms to keep himself warm. "I've enlisted, Steve. I went this morning to hand in my papers and they did the examination right then and there. They chose me, Steve!" Giggling, she bounced slightly in her seat, and Steve smiled widely at her joy.

"That's fantastic news, Suzy. I'm really, really excited for you. Do you know when they're shipping you out?"

She froze momentarily, and her face morphed from joyous to remorseful. "That's the thing, Steve. They're, uh, they're sending me out in two weeks." Squeezing her hands together tightly, she looked down at her feet. "I doubt my letter will even have reached Buck by then. I mean, I sent the address that he can mail me at, but…"

By no means was Steve excited for her to leave so soon. He would be the only one of them left in the city, of course, until he would be sent overseas himself. And though Dr. Erskine had given him a rough estimate of about four to five weeks before shipment, he felt that he would be lonelier than he had been in a long while without the two siblings there to keep him company.

But he knew better than to let selfish thoughts like that hold him back from supporting his friend.

"I'm sure that he'll get it by then, Suze. Don't let that worry you. You focus on getting yourself ready for the war."

She nodded, still focusing on the floor ahead of her. He knew that she wanted to say more, and stayed silent.

"And you'll be okay?"

Her voice had been so quiet, he had barely heard it with his limited hearing. Smiling as brightly as he could, Steve moved closer to her and placed an arm loosely over her shoulders. "Of course. I'll miss my best girl, but I'll be alright. Besides, before you know it, I'll be out there fighting beside you."

"Not fighting, healing." She corrected him, looking up as she did. Giggling, she moved in and hugged him tightly, smiling against his shoulder. "Thanks Steve."

"Don't mention it, Suze."

* * *

The next week Suzy had spent packing, cleaning, and doing last-minute revision. Perhaps that last bit wasn't quite necessary, but it made her feel a bit more prepared for the craziness that she knew was about to come. She had been over to her family home the night prior for family dinner, and her mother had stocked her up with photos, goodies, and tips for the next couple of weeks. And, of course, she'd gotten her endless share of hugs and kisses before departing from the Barnes family home.

She had written another letter to Bucky, but had never sent it. It hadn't been exciting- something along the lines of ' _Hey Buck, nothing much has happened... Been cleaning… Saw Steve... Saw Ma… Pa and the kids are also doing well…'_ etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. She would wait another week or so, and by then, hopefully things would pick up.

Although, she didn't know if she should complain about the lack of events happening in her life. Others might argue that it was a blessing.

It had been a few days since she had seen Steve, and Suzy knew that she should probably pop by his house within the next day or so, or else he might begin to worry. Or worse, she might have to worry that he had gone and gotten himself into another fight without her or Bucky nearby to put a stop to things. The last thing she wanted to worry about was Steve Rogers getting himself hurt and not coming to tell her. Or, even worse, he'd get sick and not want anyone to take care of him.

For some people, this seemed like a ridiculous worry, but for the Barnes twins, it had happened a few too many times for their liking. After one particularly strong bout of the flu, she and Bucky had made it very clear that they would stop by every couple of days to make sure that he wasn't laying half-dead in his apartment.

She felt guilty, not having visited him in a week or so, but things were understandably busy for the both of them. She would have liked to have visited that evening, but even then, she had promised herself that she would go and buy herself one nice dress before she left for the war- in case, by chance, they had the opportunity to go off base. Bucky had told her of a few dances that he'd attended outside of the training camp, and she was eager to put her best foot forward for the soldiers that she might meet.

After all, no matter how much she tried to stand out and fit in with her brother, she still liked to look dazzling every once in a blue moon.

A dress in a shop window down the road had caught her eye the other day- a blood red tea dress that would match perfectly with her black kitten heels. She could see herself dancing with a uniformed soldier, her skirt flaring out as she was spun around.

Bucky would have teased her if she'd ever admitted it to him, but the feminine side of her had always dreamed of being flaunted around on the arm of a gentleman in uniform. Like the girls that her brother had taken out, she mused. It was a tiny bit pathetic, she was sure, but she wanted to be light in someone's eyes. Or, if she was honest, she wanted to be the life of a party.

And although that would likely never happen, Suzy knew that she would buy that red dress. If not for a handsome soldier, than for herself. Pulling on her pumps, she quickly grabbed her hand purse and ran out of the door, locking it behind her and half running to get to the shop sooner. She wanted to try on that dress _so_ badly. Buying clothes was not something that she often did anymore, and this dress would be her own little treat to herself.

Walking along the street, she smiled gently at the passing faces. Most people didn't smile back, keeping to themselves, but she was happy and wanted to share it.

Maybe it was wrong to be so happy to go to war, but ever since Bucky had gone off to his training, Suzy had struggled with her sense of boredom and helplessness. Joining the war efforts was one of the only ways to rise in a society that was so unforgiving to women. She had a lot to prove to the world, and was rearing to get started.

An air of purpose surrounded her as she strode into the shop, her shoes clunking loudly on the wood panelled flooring as she entered. The bell rang overhead but nobody came out to greet her. Without wasting time looking at the other dresses in the shop, Suzy found the various sizes of the red dress and selected hers, excited to try it on.

Walking up to the desk, she rang the bell, waiting a few moments until a flustered older woman walked out from the back room. "Hello, hello! My apologies! May I help you?"

Holding the dress up gingerly, Suzy smiled at the woman. "Just looking to try this dress on, ma'am. If you would allow me, of course."

The woman eagerly helped her into one of the change rooms, chatting absentmindedly about the various celebrities that had visited the shop in the last couple of years- Bebe Daniels being the only name that Suzy really recognized.

She did her best to keep up with the woman, still chatting as she was helped into the dress. After a few adjustments throughout the waist, she was turned around to look in the mirror.

It looked _beautiful._ For once, she looked at herself and saw what her brother and his best friend saw in her- she felt like a movie star, grinning as she spun in circles. The skirt flew softly around her olive legs, settling back as if it had never been tousled.

"I'd like to buy this one, please."

She saw the woman's eyes light up as she clapped her hands, moving toward her to undo the zipper of the dress. "Wonderful choice, my dear. Whichever lucky fella you're wearing this for will be beside himself!"

Giggling, she waited patiently as the pins were removed from the waist and carefully stepped out as guided. Taking the red garment in her arms, the shopkeeper left her to get redressed. "I'll need some time for adjustments, of course! Will you be alright to come back in two hours or so? It shouldn't take me too long."

Suzy agreed, excited to be able to come back and hold the smooth fabric in her hands. She almost wanted to show Steve, but something in the back of her gut told her to keep this to herself. Maybe, if he was lucky, he'd be able to see her wearing it in person, someday.

Her heart felt heavy as she thought this, and she quickly dismissed the thought. For all she knew, the war could change everything. She, for so long, had considered that perhaps there might be a future between her and Steve, but now with them both leaving, it seemed almost silly to think that.

Saying goodbye to the kind woman and walking back down the street, she considered the thought. She had known Steve Rogers for a long, long time. And it had been in recent years that she had actually began to develop these thoughts about him, although she wasn't quite sure what had changed between them.

When they had been younger and his compliments had first started to fluster her, she had been confused. In fact, she remembered that once or twice as a teenage girl, she had actually cried. He had apologized, but she had tried to assure him that his words had simply meant a great deal to her. When, in fact, she wasn't quite sure why she had been crying. Being a teenager had been a strange thing, she mused.

Over time, though, she had begun to imagine what a relationship with Steve might entail. He was by far the best man that she had ever known, other than her brother, of course. And despite the fact that he was quite obviously not the most dazzling in terms of strength, she knew that she would be happier with Steve than any other man she had met. Bucky had quickly caught onto this as well, and since she had first begun dating, he had been trying to pin the two of them together.

She was not sure if she could admit any of these thoughts to Bucky, though. It had taken her long enough to admit the truth to herself. She had only just considered recently that she might want to talk to her brother about her confusing thoughts.

All she knew, in the end, was that Steve made her heart beat just a bit faster than any other boy had ever done. He was kind to her, and he understood her. And despite what the other girls said, he _was_ handsome- in his own way. Yes, she wished that he might be just a smidgen taller, but that had never been an issue growing up, and she refused to let herself dwell on shallow thoughts such as those.

As she reached her apartment once more, Suzy sighed, leaning up against the wall. She felt sick to her stomach, as she often did when she thought about the subject of relationships. Steve Rogers was her friend- her brother's _best friend,_ and there was no reason for him to want to pursue her. Nor should she be thinking about him in such a way. It was probably a phase, if anything. She had convinced herself of this over and over again.

Now, in these last few weeks together, she had told herself to forget about it altogether; he was going off to the war, where he would meet a lovely girl. And she would go into the forces, get invited to dance, and would find herself a decent soldier that would sweep her off of her feet. Or, as much as it scared her to think, maybe they would never have the opportunity. Getting caught up in romance during such a turbulent time was unwise, as it was.

That was the reality of it.

It had to be.

* * *

The next two hours had been spent pacing, cooking, cleaning, and then pacing again. By the time that the two hours had passed, she was already running out of the door. In fact, she jogged the whole way back to the shop, excited to have her dress boxed and in her hands.

The exchange was quick, and she thanked the woman profusely before leaving, her smile bright and a jump in her step. She wasn't worried about the cost. She wasn't worried about the war. She wasn't worried about Steve. She wasn't even really worried about Bucky in that moment; she had finally gotten the dress that she'd wanted for so long.

It wasn't of course, just a dress that had Suzy this excited. It was the reality that in a week's time she would be off on a new path. For so long, she felt as if she'd been waiting to make the next step in her life, and now it felt like it was finally happening.

Giddily she walked through the streets, the box clutched tightly in her hands as she pranced along.

As she was crossing the road to reach her apartment, a familiar voice called her name from across the street.

Turning, she clutched the box a bit more loosely and smiled widely at Steve, watching as he began to walk toward her. He must have been coming to visit her, having not heard from her in a few days. Waving at him, she began to walk closer, hoping to meet him halfway.

She was only a couple of steps away when she saw his face morph into one of terror. And then, she had barely enough time to blink before the noise sounded from beside her.

The blaring of the car horn grew faint as the impact came, and for only a moment did she see it above her. The flowing skirt of her new dress, caught in the wind, landing slowly back down on the ground beside her.

The blood red fabric lay crumpled, stained by the very same red that was smeared across the pavement.

* * *

 **It's just too easy to let your characters have what they want. Am I right, or am I right? Also, please don't think that Suzy is 'evil' or whatever just because she's excited to join the war effort. I think that there was probably a lot of enchantment towards the idea of being enlisted (at least, in the beginning...) The same goes for Steve, so I don't want to see any folks complaining. ;)**

 **Peace out, y'all!**

 **Next chapter:**

 **-Healing, and (yes, I lied last chapter) Steve _does_ actually go for training.**


	3. Chapter 3

Waking up had been painful.

Not so much in the sense of physical pain- the drugs that they were pumping into her system had ensured that physical pain was minimal. More so, waking up had been emotionally painful for her.

Steve hadn't been there at the time. Bucky hadn't been there, of course. She had woken up alone, and had to figure out what had happened alone.

Worst of all, she had to find out- alone, of course- that she had to place her position in the forces on hold. Indefinitely, as it was. Supposedly they had yet to fully confirm the trauma that the accident had caused to her body, and were not able to approve her for release. Let alone could they allow her to go out into a warzone.

She had cried a lot, that day. And the following days.

Steve had come to join her a few hours in, his face ecstatic when he had seen her awake. But after a few moments, the joy was gone. Her own gloom and doom had ended up grounding him very quickly, which she regretted. But she honestly couldn't help it. She just felt so _miserable._

On her second day of being awake, with her mother grasping her hand tightly, they told her that her legs would need some time to recover. The amount of time had been vague- anywhere between weeks to months of physiotherapy. There had been minimal breakage, but the most primary concern had been multiple fractures in her right ankle and torn muscles in the surrounding area right up to her knee. Supposedly, that had been the side that the car had struck her.  
 _  
_She didn't speak much after the news; how could she? What could she possibly say? She had been so close to taking that step forward. And now she was laid in a hospital bed, unable to even make her way to the toilet alone.

They only kept her for three days, insisting that she _did_ have a concussion, but that with the proper home-care and follow up visits, she would be able to heal almost perfectly.

Loaded in a wheelchair with her bag of (ruined) clothing and two vases of flowers settled into her mother's arms, her younger brother, Danny, wheeled her out to the family car. She would be staying with her parents, indefinitely. On the bottom floor of their townhome, where she wouldn't have to worry about the stairs.

The car ride home would have been silent if her mother hadn't stopped tutting over her, "Oh, dear, everyone will be so pleased to have you back home again! Sarah has already been gushing over you, you know? She has her grade school dance coming soon, and is very excited to show you her dresses! And your father, of course. He has prepared everything downstairs for you already."

"Thanks, ma."

"Do we need to stop by your apartment before we go home? Anything you'd like to bring with you?"

She thought about it, and decided that yes, she should. "If we could. I might have a letter from Buck, and I'd like to grab my books and a few changes of clothes."

"Alright, of course! You'll have to let me know exactly what you'd like, as I'll have to run up for you. How about that lovely yellow blouse that your Aunt Margaret sent you for Christmas last year?"

Smiling pathetically, Suzy leaned her head tiredly back against the car window and agreed. "Choose whatever you think is best, Ma."

The wait felt like forever as she sat inside the car, chatting idly with her brother as she waited for her mother to bring everything out. After fifteen minutes, she finally emerged from the building, her hands full. Coming back into the car, she showed Suzy the few items of clothing that she'd picked. As well as whatever else she had stuffed into the bag haphazardly.

"I didn't know what books you needed, of course, so I just grabbed as many as I could. And of course, there were two letters from your brother. He writes you more than he does his own mother! He'll definitely be hearing from me, I tell you. And to think that I raised him..."

Suzy shut the rest of her mother's ranting out of her focus, instead choosing to grab the letters that were placed on top of the pile of books. Opening the first one, she noticed that it must have been sent quite recently.

 _Suzanne-Lucille Barnes, if you ever scare me like this again, I'll come back from the war myself just to throttle you._

 _Steve wrote me about a week ago to let me know about the accident. I seriously leave for a few weeks and this is what you get yourself into? Now I am wishing that I could have taken you with me._

 _He said that you've only been in the hospital for a couple of hours, but they don't know when you'll wake up. I'm sending this letter in a rush and I hope that by the time you get it, you'll be awake._

 _You better write me back as soon as you're awake. I want to know that you're okay. I know how much this will hurt. After all of the effort you've put in..._

 _I'm always here for you. If you need to talk, you know how to find me. I love you, sweet pea._

 _And don't you even think about getting upset a Steve for telling me. He cares a lot._

 _Love,_

 _Buck_

Sitting in the back of the car, she did her best not to cry again. No matter how limited the interaction was, she had needed her brother's comfort. If anything, she wanted one of his big bear hugs, but this letter would suffice.

Rereading it once more, she eventually folded the letter up and placed it gently in the front of one of her books. Opening the other letter, she immediately knew that this one had been sent before Steve had written Bucky.

 _Suzy-Lu,_

 _I understand why you didn't say anything, but seriously? Steve getting in? Nobody thought to let me know? Punk gets into the army and_ _nobody thinks that they should tell good ol' Buck? Thanks for that._

 _She giggled quietly, imagining her brother as if he were right in front of her._

 _But seriously, I'm happy for him. Wish he'd been a bit smarter about it, but I guess I have to give him a break. The kid has always been smarter than me, he deserves one slip-up. Just one, though._

 _Can't say I'm not worried for him, or you. But I guess that part comes along with being a big brother- and don't even fight me on the "big" part, because I'll remind you that I was born a whole, whopping four minutes ahead of you. So that's that._

 _Nothing much has happened here. It's actually a little bit boring. They said that the 107th Regiment will be sent out onto the field soon, but I think we're all aching for a bit of action sooner rather than later. I dunno, though. Maybe that's stupid of us._

 _I've said it a billion times and I'll say it again:_

 _Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone._

 _Love ya,_  
 _Buck_

Folding up the second letter, she thought about what she'd write back to him. As she deliberated all of the things that she wanted to say, she watched the familiar scenery of Brooklyn passing by on her way back to the Barnes home.

Once they reached their destination, her mother was instantly out of the passenger seat, running around to the back to grab her wheelchair. They carefully got her seated and she was rolled into the house at a painfully slow rate.

Settling her in front of the couch (her new bed, for the time being) her mother began to move furniture around in order to create more space for her chair. Danny brought in the few things that her mother had picked up from her apartment, and with that, she was settled.

Although, within seconds, her younger sister had run downstairs, her hair flowing wildly around her as she rushed into the room and moved to hug Suzy.

The hug was tight, and Suzy squeezed back, smiling at the young girl. Sarah was only thirteen years old, but she was the baby of the Barnes family. She looked nothing like the patriarch of the family, unlike the twins, who looked everything like their father. Instead, she had the red-tinged hair and green eyes of her mother.

She was a sweet little thing, and Suzy was honestly happy to see her smiling face come to greet her.

"Suzy! I'm so glad that you're alright! And I'm really, really excited for you to be here! I have so much to tell you… and did Ma tell you about my dress? I think you'll really like it."

"She did. I'm excited to see it on you."

Her younger sister was ecstatic as she backed out of the hug. "It's green, and it makes my hair shine in the light! I tried to show Danny, but he didn't care."

"Well, I do. Why don't you go and try it on?"

As her sister pranced back upstairs, she took a moment to breath and unpack her things from her bag and into the clothing chest that had been left at the end of the sofa. She had only just started to search through the pile of medical books when her sister came back downstairs, spinning and dancing in the green garment that she had been boasting about.

After ten or so minutes of watching her sister trying to adjust her hair and doing her best to give her input, Suzy felt emotionally exhausted. She wanted to be as joyous as Sarah, but it was difficult. If she was being honest, she really just wanted to be alone. A lot of negativity was irking away at her at that moment, and frankly, she felt like doing nothing but laying in bed and reading _Jane Eyre_ or _Pride and Prejudice._ Something a little bit sad, most definitely.

It was embarrassing, really, but her self-pity was at an all time high.

* * *

And that was how Steve found her, later in the day when he came by to visit. Laying on the sofa, her legs lifted by a pillow, and her face teary eyed as she read _Pride and Prejudice._

"How many times have you read that book, now?" She hadn't even heard him come in, and as he spoke she jumped from her spot, hissing as she bumped her ankles together.

"Oh, sorry, sorry!" He came over, leaning in front of her and taking the book from her hands gently. "I didn't mean to scare you."

She nodded, rubbing heavily at her eyes and looking down at her feet. "It's okay."

He placed the book down on the table and placed his hand overtop of hers, absentmindedly running his thumb over her knuckles. "How are you?"

Her laugh sounded pitiful to even herself, and she leaned her head back, ignoring the comfort that the soft motions of Steve's thumb involuntarily brought her. "Been better."

To his credit, he didn't say anything, but simply sat and waited patiently for her to say more. It had worked, and after a minute she sighed and gave in, looking over at him with tears in her eyes. "I've ruined my chances, Steve. If I hadn't been so stupid, I'd be in training right now. Instead of on this _stupid_ couch, unable to even properly walk."

"And I've got this wheelchair, but I don't even want it. I want to be able to walk, Steve. You've got to understand how completely frustrating this is, being stuck here. Actually, out of anyone, I know that _you do_ understand."

"I do. I know how much you want to get back out there, Suze, but please don't push yourself. It's easy to take it too far, and to cause yourself more damage than good."

She said nothing, swallowing loudly and letting out a heavy breath instead of responding.

He stood, holding onto her hand for a moment longer. "Just remember that I'll be with you every step of the way. Literally."

He moved to go toward the kitchen, mentioning something about coffee, before looking back at her. "Do you have physiotherapy tomorrow?"

Hunching her shoulders, she replied, "Technically, yes. They said I could set things at my own pace, but Ma booked the first appointment as soon as she could. Which is probably for the best; I suppose I really should go as soon as I can. Would you like to come with me? If you're busy that's absolutely alright, just thought I'd offer, you know-"

"Suzy, I'd love to join you. If you need me there, I'm there." His blue eyes were resolute as he spoke, and she felt the warmth of gratitude throughout her chest as he spoke.

"Thank you, Stevie. I think that I might need a friend there." She smiled gratefully, thankful to have friends like Steve Rogers in the world.

* * *

A knock at the door alerted Suzy that Steve had arrived. Her mother had very quickly run to let him in, bringing him into the living room where Suzy was sat ready in her wheelchair.

They hadn't chatted long before she had reminded her mother that they had to be going or she would miss her appointment. Steve was quick to take her bag and place it over the back of the chair. Taking the handles, he bid her mother goodbye and slowly wheeled her out of the townhome.

"I know that I was unconscious for most of it, but I really missed the fresh air. The hospital is so…"

"Draining?"

"Yes, exactly. I mean, if I owned a hospital, I'd try to make it as bright and open as possible. Patients would probably really benefit from some natural light and warmth."

Steve laughed awkwardly, "Sure would have helped me when I was a kid, that's for sure. Maybe I'd actually be taller if I'd gotten some more Vitamin D."

She giggled lightly, looking up at him from her spot in the chair, "You know, you're perfectly tall enough, already."

He scoffed lightly, looking ahead as he spoke. "Bobby Davis might disagree."

"Yes, but Bobby Davis is a complete jerk, so I don't care about his opinion. Nor should you, Rogers."

He smiled, looking down at her quickly before looking back up to the sidewalk in front of them. "Need I remind you that you're a whopping 5'5"?" She quirked an eyebrow, turning back around in her chair. "Yes, and you're a whopping 5'4". I fail to see much of a difference."

He just shook his head, grinning and continuing to look ahead.

* * *

"Perfect, Ms. Barnes! I know it doesn't seem like much, but this small amount of exercise will be of great benefit to your healing. Each day, I want you to try and add even _just_ one extra step to your routine, and I'm almost positive that you'll be walking in little to no time!"

She was leaning on a metal bar, sweat pouring down her back as she half-stood there. She had taken ten steps. _Ten._ And she could already feel the exertion that it had caused on her legs. They shook slightly as the physiotherapist helped to ease her back into her chair. Steve stood along the sidelines, silently cheering her on, and she felt absolutely ridiculous.

She had literally only taken _ten_ steps. It felt pathetic.

In seeing her exhaustion, the doctor placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I think that we're done for today. Remember to keep on working on those stretches and exercises. I know that it may ache, but I assure you that placing pressure on those fractures is exactly what your bones need to heal. This will trigger an automatic response in your ankle that will push it to mend faster than if you were to remain bedridden."

The doctor had repeated this three other times throughout the appointment, and despite her urge to finish his sentence for him as he continued to repeat himself, she merely nodded and smiled politely.

Steve pushed her chair out of the building, not saying anything. Once they had begun to walk further down the street, he stopped her chair on a grassy area and came around to face her. Kneeling down, he placed a hand on the side of her wheelchair, to hold himself up it almost seemed.

"You did really well today, you know?"

She huffed, crossing her arms and instantly lowering them once she caught a hint of the stagnant smell of her underarms. "I beg to differ."

He laughed, but instantly stopped once he saw the look on her face. "You need to give yourself more credit. Were you expecting to be able to run a mile after the first day?

Chewing on her lip, she recrossed her arms, not caring about the smell that permeated from them. "I mean, no, but…"

"But?"

"But I don't know! I was looking forward to maybe taking more than ten steps, Steve."

His face was understanding, but she knew that he was about to lecture her. "You know, I remember getting out of the hospital after I'd gotten polio. My lower back and legs had been partially numb during the worst of it, and so once I got out, my mother had to take me to the physiotherapist. I was five, and every time I had to walk I just ended up crying. I didn't see a point in trying- I guess it just felt hopeless. Even at five, I remember thinking that I would just have to be stuck with leg braces for the rest of my life," he had sat down beside her at this point, leaning back on his arms as he spoke.

"I think that's when I found out how much I liked to draw. It had taken me months to fully regain my ability to walk, and so I spent a lot of my time in bed or sitting. One of the nurses had given me the sketchbook as a going-away gift, and I'd taken one of my Ma's charcoal pencils. I think the first thing I drew was a bird that I saw in my bedroom window. It wasn't by any means great." He laughed pleasantly, and she found herself relaxing as she listened to him speak.

"Eventually, I was walking again. I was happy, of course, but now I look back and am thankful for the time that it took me to heal. If I hadn't gone through that experience, I don't think I would have drawing in my life today."

He looked over at her, his face serious as he spoke. "Everything in life happens for a reason. I know that right now this seems unfair, and it might be. But it could also be a blessing in disguise."

She sighed, her hand coming up to play with the braid that sat over her shoulder nervously, "I guess we'll have to see."

* * *

Every day for the next couple of weeks, Steve would wake up at 7 AM, cook himself some breakfast, shower, and then head out bright and early at 8:30 AM to pick up Suzy. Initially, he would wheel her down the streets that led to the nearest physiotherapist. But after the third week she had started to walk slowly beside him, using her crutches.

By the fifth week, her fractures had healed enough that she could limp her way beside him to the clinic. She had been given braces to help her, and had been embarrassed to be seen walking with them. Of course, she hadn't let that stop her.

By the sixth week, she was walking alone. Without braces, and without Steve.

In total, Steve had been given a whole eight weeks between receiving his enlistment approval and his shipment letter. He hadn't been given much time once the letter had arrived- only a couple of days before he had to be at the train station- and was thankful that he had been packed and ready to go for quite some time.

Mentally, he wasn't ready to go. He had thought that he would be, but he wasn't. He wanted to serve his country and would do whatever it took, but he felt ill when he remembered speaking to Dr. Erskine. He felt like he was missing part of the puzzle. He wasn't a fool. He was happy to finally have gained the opportunity to fight, but he also knew that most men wouldn't bat an eye toward him. So, what had Erskine seen in him?

What had he meant by needing a "little guy" in the war? He wished that he could ask Bucky, but it was already such a sore subject between the two friends. And he didn't feel right asking Suzy, after everything that had happened. She was still trying to get back into the army. He had noticed that the topic had become quite sensitive for her as well.

He supposed he'd just have to have faith in Dr. Erskine's plan for him. Whatever it might be.

Once the day arrived, Steve had been up early. Well, actually, he had been unable to sleep. He couldn't believe that in just a few hours, he would be on a train leaving Brooklyn. For who knew how long?

He was leaving behind everything, and he was scared.

But as he arrived at the Barnes house to give one final goodbye to the family, he knew that he was doing the right thing. Thinking about the small family that had essentially helped to raise him, he confirmed within himself that he was going out to fight for the freedom of people like these.

People like Suzy, who had stared up at him through teary eyes and insisted that she come with him to the train station.

When he looked into those hazel eyes, he couldn't help but give in. She had a way of making him melt on the spot. And who could blame him? A beautiful, ruthless, smart dame such as her, giving him the time of day? He knew how rare people like her were. Especially when it came to men like him.

He knew that he'd never have her as more than a friend. No dame could want Steve Rogers. Not when there were men out there like Bucky- men who were strong, brave, and handsome. Men who didn't get into fights with others who were double their size. Men who could actually _win_ those fights when they did break out.

He had accepted this fact a long time ago. But it didn't mean that he couldn't enjoy spending time with a girl like Suzy. He wasn't _completely_ capable of walking away from a beautiful dame.

The walk to the train had been slow, but the two of them had laughed the entire way. She had her arm loosely latched in the crook of his, using him as a support whenever she felt her ankle falter.

He was a selfish, selfish man, and he let her do it. Of course, until he got to the station. Her modesty mattered, and he wouldn't embarrass her by having any of the men or women of Brooklyn assuming that she was his girl. She had never seen things that way, but walking around on his arm wouldn't do her any favors.

As the time to leave was coming closer, they both stopped. He held a bag of clothing over his shoulder, and she smiled wistfully up at him. "Look at you, you handsome soldier, you. Bucky would be beside himself if he saw you right now."

He rubbed at the back of his head bashfully, pushing down a few stray strands of hair. "I'm sure we'll get the chance to see each other eventually."

Suzy nodded absentmindedly, reaching her hands up and adjusting his collar after a moment of staring. "There, you look perfect."

He could hear the choke in her voice, and swallowed as he stared down at her. She wasn't looking up at him any longer, instead now looking down at her hands. Following her gaze, he saw an envelope clutched tightly in between her slender fingers.

Without a moment's notice, she reached up and hugged him tightly, her face shoved down into the corner of his neck. He slowly hugged her back, leaning his head lightly on hers. The smell of fresh lavender shampoo hit him, and he guiltily moved his head just a bit closer to her neck, inhaling the familiar scent one more time before he left.

As they pulled back, he could see the tears that had finally started to stream down her cheeks. Blinking them back, she carefully placed the parcel in his hands, closing his fingers loosely around it. "Open this once you're on the train, okay?"

Steve nodded, looking around them and noting that the last of the men were now boarding the train. He looked down at her and smiled one last crooked smile, not willing himself to say anything. She softly leaned up and kissed his cheek, smiling back bashfully before turning him around and gently pushing him in the direction of the train. "Go get 'em, soldier."

* * *

He watched her up until the train began to move away from the station, waving up until they turned the corner and she was out of sight.

Once they were well on their way, Steve sat himself tightly in a corner by the window, trying not to look out in case it triggered his motion sickness. Ignoring the soldiers that surrounded him, he moved to open the parcel that she had given him.

Inside were a handkerchief, a photo, and a letter.

The handkerchief was a soft orange, and as he looked at it, he notes the S.L.B. initials that were clumsily embroidered in black in the lower left corner.

The photo had been wrapped gently in the handkerchief, and he beamed as he held it far away from his face and observed the blurry details. Despite his astigmatism, he could make out the figures of him, Buck, and Suzy. It was from his birthday the last year, when they had all gotten ice cream and watched the fireworks together. It was a fond memory of his.

The final piece of the package that he evaluated was the letter. She had written it in tiny looped letters, her pen's ink smearing at some points.

 _Steve,_

 _I don't know what will happen once you are sent off to the war. I don't know where you're going or what you'll be doing, but I promise you that I will always be a simple letter away._

 _Truly, thank you for everything that you've done for me- I don't think I could have gotten through this last couple of weeks had it not been for your friendship and support. I hope that next time you see me, I'll be walking onto the training grounds as an auxiliary nurse._

 _Please take this handkerchief for good luck. It's terribly made, but it's always been a bit of a charm for me._

 _I've also included a photo of the three of us. Whenever you see it, I want you to remember that Buck and I love you very dearly and, as Bucky might say, we're with you until the end of the line._

 _Stay safe out there._

 _Much love,_  
 _Suzy_

Beaming down at the delicately written words, he traced his finger along the gentle loops of her handwriting. The trip was long, but with the letter clutched closely to him and the photo of his two best friends, he didn't even notice.

He only folded it when they arrived, careful to make sure that the corners all lined up with one another. Taking the square of paper, he took it and neatly placed it in his chest pocket, patting it softly and standing up to follow the other men out.


	4. Chapter 4

The week following Steve's departure had felt like the longest of Suzy's life. As soon as he had left for training, she had returned to her doctor in order to book a re-enlistment examination. The first available opening had been for the following Monday morning. And after patient waiting, the day had arrived.

She walked into the clinic with unfaltering legs and a head held especially high. Not that anybody probably had noticed, but she would give them no reason to deny her request to rejoin the forces. She could walk alright by that point- a twinge of pain would trigger in her ankles when she stepped down too hard, but by this point she was capable of ignoring it.

The receptionist called her in quickly, and she sat silently, looking around as she waited on the doctor.

"Miss Barnes?" An older man's voice came through the door, and she called him in, watching as he came into the room and shut the door behind him. Moving forward to shake her hand, he introduced himself, barely looking up from his clipboard. "Hello, Miss Barnes. I'm Doctor Clarke. Your regular doctor is away today, so I'm afraid that you'll have to bear with me, instead."

He seemed friendly enough, and she smiled softly, assuring him that it was of no concern to her.

As Dr. Clarke examined her eyes, ears, and reflexes, he barely spoke a word. In fact, she wasn't even sure that he'd been looking at her. Overall, the exam took a total of five minutes. As he stamped her papers and began to walk toward the door, she almost caught herself asking him if he was going to be checking her legs. But, upon further reflection, decided that perhaps she would be best to just let it go. After all, if he wasn't concerned, why should she be?

In reality, she knew that the elderly man most likely had just gone through too many examinations in the past few months to really even care at this point. And her eagerness to return to the field outbalanced her concern over whether or not her legs had properly healed.

As a nurse, she knew that it was wrong. But was it really so bad to ignore her health concerns if she was doing so in order to serve her country? She thought about Steve's enlistment despite his health problems, and made her decision to keep quiet. Smiling and politely waving to the doctor as he left, she let out a soft sigh, looking down at her legs and lifting them slightly.

"You better not ruin this for me, or we've got ourselves a problem."

* * *

Two weeks later, Suzy found herself on her own personal train ride, waving goodbye to her sobbing mother and watching as her younger sister hugged herself tightly to her father's side. Sarah hadn't cried, but rather, had promised to send photos and letters as often as possible. Danny had been quiet, but she had managed to secure one tight hug from him before boarding. Her father had promised to keep an eye on her and Bucky's apartment, but otherwise had also only spoken a few words. A hefty kiss on her forehead had been his goodbye.

The train ride was only a couple of hours long, but the had left quite early, and within a short amount of time the dark scenery of the early morning began to dim into the pink of the horizon, and Suzy found herself drifting into a light slumber. She hadn't slept well the evening beforehand, constantly worrying that she might have missed something in her suitcase and having to double check.

As she slept, she failed to notice the two girls that had come and settled into the seat opposite from her. It took the loud snapping of a suitcase being slammed closed that had startled her awake, and she had opened her eyes to the apologetic smile of a young, blonde girl sat across from her. The other girl, a caramel-haired woman who seemed to be around Suzy's age was engrossed in a book, ignoring the noise completely.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to wake you…" The younger girl's voice was almost like that of a fairy- light and of a sunny disposition. She almost seemed fairy-like, in Suzy's mind. She had bright doe eyes that gave her a countenance of innocence, and it had Suzy wondering if perhaps she was older than she looked to be.

"Not a worry at all… what is it that you were looking for?" She tried to create conversation, seeing as it looked to still be mid-morning, and they had a ways to travel.

"I was searching for my bible. My boyfriend, Tommy, he gave it to me before he went out to fight and I was terrified that I'd lost it." The blonde held up the aforementioned item, smiling warmly and pulling it towards her chest. "He placed pressed daisies into it, marking his favorite verses…"

Suzy smiled warmly at the girl, happy to listen as she continued to tell stories about her boyfriend. Despite the fact that she had yet to even state her name, she seemed like a friendly face.

Once the girl had finished speaking, she blushed heavily and placed the book gently down onto her lap, settling her hands over top of it. "Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I get carried away sometimes. I didn't even give you my name. My mother would have scolded me already for such rude manners."

Reaching her tiny hand outwards, the blonde girl nodded toward Suzy and introduced herself, "My name is Daisy Carmichael. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Suzy shook her hand, smiling pleasantly and ignoring her urge to snort at the girl's overly polite manner. Bucky would have been giving her a smirk at that very moment, if he had heard the introduction. Even their grandmother had worse manners than this girl in front of her.

"Suzy-Lucille Barnes. The pleasure is all mine." Her Brooklyn accent sounded heavy in comparison to the Manhattan accent that Daisy had. The girl didn't seem to mind, though, and she was quick to start chatting again about everything and anything that she could.

"I love your name! It suits you really quite well! When I was saying earlier about my boyfriend placing the daisies in my bible, you can see now why it was such a sweet gesture. I was teased a lot when I was younger, but I've come to really grow into my name." As the girl carried on with her chatter, Suzy began to really question if she was even old enough to be joining the forces.

Cutting the blonde off, she decided to ask. "Daisy, I'm sorry. I just wanted to ask, if you're alright saying, how old are you?"

The girl paused for a moment, blinking as if she had forgotten, and then grinning widely once again as she chirped out, "Oh, I'm twenty-one years old as of last month! How about you?"

"I'm twenty-one. Almost twenty-two…"

Their chatter continued on for a short while, and Suzy examined the other girl that sat with them as she conversed. The caramel haired girl had remained silent, but she could see her every so often raise her eyes in acknowledgement to something that one of them would say."

As the conversation paused, Suzy leaned forward and held her hand out to her, "I'm sorry to bother- I'm sure that you've heard everything already, but I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Suzy."

It took a slightly awkward look from the other girl, and a moment in which she slowly lowered her book, before she hesitantly brought her hand out and shook Suzy's in return. "Ruth Alperstein. Lovely to meet you."

Daisy looked between the two girls hesitantly, before turning to Ruth and holding her hand out as well. "I'm Daisy Carmichael. It's an absolute pleasure!"

The other girl did not speak, but simply shook her hand as well, smiling shyly before turning back to her book. Daisy persisted, still staring at the girl beside her. "What is it that you're reading, Ruth?"

" _War and Peace_ , by Leo Tolstoy." The volume was quite large, and Daisy stared wide eyed back at Suzy. "That's quite a book, I'd say. Fitting for a time like this."

Ruth sighed softly and marked the page that we had been reading before closing the book entirely. She placed it beside herself and smiled tiredly up at the two girls. "I suppose so."

Suzy appreciated the girl's effort to include herself when she clearly was not one for conversation.

"You're from Brooklyn?" She was incredibly curious about this shy character that sat calmly in front of her, looking out of the window.

"Yes, Borough Park. You're from Brooklyn as well?"

Suzy nodded, "Yes, ma'am I am. Born, raised, proud as can be."

As they all began to open up a bit more to one another, they became relatively comfortable with one another.

"I kid you not, my brother was soaked to the bone, in nothing but his underwear! It was a riot for all of us kids!" Suzy was recounting a story to the girls, giggling with them as she spoke.

"I'd always wanted a brother or sister growing up. I was an only child, and I suppose that had its perks, but I think that I missed out on a lot of great experiences." Daisy leaned her head back on the seat, smiling wistfully. "I shouldn't complain, really."

Ruth snorted from beside her, shaking her head, "You definitely shouldn't. I grew up the fourth eldest of seven siblings. Five of them were brothers. By the time I had hit puberty, I would have given anything to be a single child, I think."

Suzy guffawed, placing a hand dramatically over her heart. "And I thought that I had a busy family with the four of us kids! I can't even complain!"

Ruth shrugged, running a hand absentmindedly through the end of her hair. "The Torah instructs us to be fruitful and multiply. My parents simply decided to honor that commandment. It's not been easy, but my mother is a strong woman with a strong belief in God."

Daisy stared for a moment, "You're Jewish?"

The youngest girl hadn't meant for it to come out in any particular way, Suzy was sure of that, but the question was met with an awkward silence and a tight smile from Ruth. "Yes, I am. Is that of any concern to you?"

Daisy blanched, her mouth opening and closing as if she were a fish. "No, no! Absolutely not! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off so..."

"Judgmental?"

Suzy almost coughed as Ruth spoke, and Daisy's face dropped into an unreadable expression, "I was going to say shocked."

Ruth simply nodded and picked her book up once again. "We've probably only got about an hour or two left before we reach our destination. If you don't mind, I'm going to finish my chapter."

Throughout the last hour of their travels, the girls grew relatively silent, instead choosing to watch as they passed through a small town. Daisy fidgeted with her hands, eventually standing up and excusing herself to the toilet.

After she left, Suzy felt the tense atmosphere begin to calm and decided to try her luck with Ruth again.

"Hey Ruth?"

The other girl looked up from her novel, her eyebrows raised. Suzy let out a deep exhale and looked out of the window as she spoke, "What do you think it's going to be like? I didn't really ask much information about where we're being sent. I don't even know if we're allowed to know. Did they tell you anything?"

Ruth placed a finger in her book and closed it, "Your letter should have said something. Either way, mine said Wheaton, New Jersey. That's about all that I saw. I can get my letter out, if you'd like?"

Suzy shook her head, "No, thank you. I should have just read my letter properly. And that's all I really needed to know, anyway."

Ruth nodded, her eyes staring into Suzy, making her a bit uncomfortable. After a long stretch of silence, she asked very quietly, "Are you afraid?"

Suzy looked down at her lap. She didn't know how to answer the question. On one hand, she was excited to be joining the front lines and putting her skills into action to help save lives. But on the other hand, she knew that any right-minded individual should be terrified of what was to come. Not that she truly knew what to expect, going forward.

"I guess, a little bit. I was so excited, but now that we're getting closer I'm starting to get a bit anxious. I think that, if anything, I'm afraid that I won't be good enough. And that no amount of training will be able to prepare me. Is that silly?"

Ruth laughed lightly, "Not at all, in fact, can I be honest with you about something?"

Suzy nodded, and Ruth looked around quickly before leaning forward a little bit and clutching both hands to the edges of her novel. "I, uh, I never really wanted to join. I've been terrified since I first read about it in the papers in 1939. I don't know if I can even do this, but I don't think that I have much of a choice at this point."

Suzy blinked, confused. The girl in front of her seemed so confident. She was struggling to believe that someone so composed could be feeling such panic. Looking at the bowed head of caramel hair, she shook her head. "I don't understand, why would you join if you didn't want to?"

Ruth sighed, fully closing her book this time. "I joined for my family. They mean everything to me, and this is the only thing that I can do to help protect them."

"Protect them?"

"My father died in the final year of the Great War. Killed in action. His loss left my mother with seven children, two of which were still babies. My oldest brother, Adam, was eight at the time. I was just barely four years old."

"I'm so sorry, Ruth." Suzy couldn't imagine what it would have been like, growing up in such a busy household with no father. Thinking about her own family, she recognized the fact that without her father, they would have probably been homeless. Of course, her mother would do anything in her power to avoid that from happening, but there wasn't a lot of money in New York for females. Not good money, at least.

Ruth merely shrugged, "It's alright. My two older brothers took the mantle. They helped to raise us younger kids. Adam has his own family now, but Mark is still helping my mother. I think he's looking to enlist, though. He kept on bringing it up, and then when I got my letter, he barely even spoke to me. We didn't leave off on the best of terms."

Suzy was so curious about Ruth; she still didn't even have an answer to her original question. What had made the older girl enter the war?

As if realizing that she'd never answered the question, the older girl continued on. "I joined the war because it's one less mouth to feed. One less child to raise and clothe and shelter. She doesn't have to worry about getting me proper schooling, or a husband. My mother might not see it that way, but that's why I did it. It's to help her."

Suzy nodded, understanding her point. "I think that I get it. She'll understand when the war is over, I'm sure. I suppose she might just be scared for you. My Ma was terrified for me when I was enlisted, not to mention how scared she was for Steve and Bucky when they got in."

Ruth raised an eyebrow, "Is Steve one of your siblings?"

As Suzy was about to reply, Daisy returned to their small section of the train, her waved hair perfectly redone and a smile back on her face.

"I just heard the greatest news! We're almost there!"

* * *

Stepping out of the train, Suzy didn't know what to expect. Nor did many of the other girls that bustled around her, trying to get to the front of the group. But there was a strange excitability in the air as they all chatted amongst themselves.

The giggling and chatter all came to a quick halt as a large, authoritative man made his way to stand in front of the group. Suzy stood on her tiptoes, trying to see him, but instantly regretted it when she felt her right calf muscles tense up from the exertion. Hissing softly, she bent down to rub the cramp that was settling there.

"Hey, are you alright?" A girl from beside her quietly spoke, looking down at her in concern. She nodded, standing tall again and smiling at the stranger. "Just a cramp from sitting so long. Thanks, though." The girl took this answer without question and turned back to listen to the man speak.

It had been a general introduction, reminding them of the expectations that were placed on them as nurses at the camp. Keep your bunk organized, help out where needed, and most of all, don't complain.

An older, dark-haired woman took over from there, thanking him cordially before stepping in front of the large group of young girls. Her accent had a strange twinge, and Suzy wondered where she'd come from.

"Good morning ladies, my name is First Lieutenant Rossi. I am a nurse under the Red Cross, and have been at Camp Lehigh for the past year and a half. I will be leading you in this next few weeks as we go through the motions of army nursing. I would like to be clear when I state that this is not training, but rather, orientation. As per the standards of the enlistment, you should have all already received professional training in the field and should be adept in all basic medical procedures. But let me be clear, this job will be harder than any experience you could have already had in the nursing field."

She paused, looking around at the group, "No matter your station-trenches or hospitals- you will see men who have lost limbs, lost their minds, or regrettably, lot their lives. You will need to desensitize yourself, in order to save lives. Some of you may even have to risk your own lives."

Another brief pause.

"If you do not believe that you are fit to do this job, then I will encourage you right now to step back onto that train and return home. Nobody will be upset."

The girls all froze, slowly looking around at one another.

Lieutenant Rossi smiled dryly, crossing her arms. "Anybody?"

Not a single scuffle could be heard in the crowd, and Suzy nearly forgot to take a breathe.

After what was probably about a minute or so had passed, the Lieutenant clapped her hands together.

"Good! Maybe this group will all make it through training, after all! I expect that none of you will disappoint me."

A pin could have dropped and you would have heard it. In the distance, Suzy heard the yelling of soldiers, or possibly officers. She couldn't help but wonder how large the camp was. How many people were currently training at Camp Lehigh?

She snapped out of her daze when the commanding woman's voice yelled out, "Okay then, this way! Follow me, keep up!"

* * *

After a dismal tour of the camp, the girls had been led to the small building which would be their barracks for their four weeks of training. It was a shabby building, with leaking faucets and sweltering heat, but Lieutenant Rossi had been quick to remind them that this would be a luxury during their time away from home.

The girls had already been assigned bunks alphabetically, and Suzy was disappointed to realize that she was not positioned beside either of the two girls that she had met on the train. Both girls' bunks were near to her, but they weren't her immediate neighbours. They had waved to one another, nonetheless.

The girls directly surrounding her seemed alright. They had been quick to drop their things on their beds and to run off to see their friends, so she wasn't given much of a chance to introduce herself, nor to get their names.

But they had places to be, anyways. It was still mid-morning and they had been given ten minutes to arrange themselves in their provided uniforms and then were to meet First Lieutenant Rossi outside of their building.

Looking around, she couldn't find Ruth, but she saw Daisy's blonde head a few steps away from her, and so she quickly ran up and grabbed the smaller girl by the arm, smiling at her as she jumped in fear. Sighing, the blonde placed a hand on her heart. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry Daisy, didn't mean to scare you."

Daisy giggled and patted the hand that Suzy had hooked through her arm. "Not to worry. I'm a skiddish one. I always have been- Tommy always likes to jump out at me. He thinks it's hilarious." Suzy listened happily to the chatter, ignoring the noise that surrounded them.

Daisy suddenly squeezed her arm, grinning with joy. "By the way, you look lovely in uniform! I'm sure that a soldier or two will want to go dancing with you, Miss Barnes."

Giggling, she ignored the warmth that she felt radiating throughout her face. "Why thank you, Nurse Carmichael, you also suit the uniform quite well if I do say so myself!"

The smaller girl rolled her eyes, looking down at herself. "Yeah, I'm sure I'd look great if they actually had uniforms that fit me. My shoes are practically two sizes too large!" The new friends giggled, ridiculing the shoes that were sliding around on Daisy's feet as she walked.

The two followed the other girls to the main entrance, ready to move onto the next part of their first day.

"How are you feeling about all of this? It's a lot, isn't it?" She asked Daisy, feeling the girl's arm loosen from hers as they exited out into the courtyard.

She barely heard her voice over the crowd, but she was sure that she'd heard Daisy say something about being excited. Looking at the expression on her face, she figured that it had to be something along those lines, at least.

"Alright gals, settle down! Ladies!" A whistle blew and the crowd slowly quieted down. First Lieutenant Rossi stood upfront, the whistle loosely hanging from her neck as she crossed her arms. Suzy was beginning to think that this would be a regular pose for the woman.

"During your time here you will be taught of regulations, military nursing, physical endurance, cartography, sterilization, anesthesia, and medications. Some of you may even receive additional training if you are believed to be up to task. But you all will be starting in the same place. Don't forget that as you go forward."

Turning around without much of a look back, the older woman began to walk toward a building to their right. As she walked, she yelled back at them, "And that starting point, ladies, is military regulations! I want you to learn them, to remember them, and to live them. Is that clear?"

"Clear!"

The woman stopped and turned swiftly, "Here's your first rule. Always call your comrades by their proper titles. Clear, ladies?"

Without a seconds pause, the group all yelled in not-so-great unison, "Clear, First Lieutenant Rossi!"

"Perfect! Keep up, ladies!"

Daisy looked over at Suzy, rolling her eyes. "She's an absolute nightmare."

Suzy smiled, nodding. "Is it strange that I really respect her, though?"

Both girls giggled, jogging to catch up with the brisk pace of the crowd.

* * *

 **I'm sorry if it's a bit short, or a little bit inaccurate. I did my best to research the Army Nurses Corps training, but there's not a ton of info. So we're gonna just roll with it. :) I also did not post for about a week. Many apologies- I just got a new job and am in the middle of moving, so as you can imagine, things are hectic. In three weeks I'll be settling in, with a lot more alone time, and I plan to keep this story regularly updated. (I'm typically not great at that. Not gonna lie.) But I just have Suzy's story all planned out in my brain and I can't wait to share it with you! Hopefully this story is as good as I plan for it to be. :)**

 **Next chapter:**

 **-Steve tells Suzy about the Project**

 **-Suzy meets Peggy**

 **REVIEWS:**

 **AllyCatt12: Thank you! You're my first review! :) Hopefully I can continue to make you love this story!**

 **Kadence1: I'm already in the process of writing more, so I will try to continue to deliver as quickly as possible! :) Thanks so much!**


	5. Chapter 5

Suzy collapsed into her bunk, huffing softly as her back hit the hard surface of her mattress. Their first day had been long, hot, and mildly boring. Their second day, well, it had been tolling.

The girl above her had already started snoring, and she herself had to force herself to get changed out of her uniform before laying down. Looking around, it seemed like many of the girls were equally as exhausted, if not more so than her. She saw a few of her fellow nurses who had actually ended up just wearing their uniforms to bed.

Adjusting her pillow, she leaned back again and closed her eyes, willing herself to think about anything that may help her sleep, but only thinking about home.

Groaning, she flipped around onto her other side, closing her eyes tighter and trying to shut out the sound of the girl above her, Mary, snoring.

She began to think back on the day that she'd had. And boy, what a day it had been.

* * *

The girls had been woken up at 5:30 AM, sharp. The blaring of the airhorn had nearly made her jump out of her bed, and looking around, she saw that some of the other girls hadn't been so lucky.

Three beds over, she saw Daisy standing up and sporting a nasty scowl as she nursed her hip.

Quickly, they all began to pull everything together. Making beds as they had been taught the day prior, getting their uniforms on, and fixing their hair. It was about ten minutes later that Rossi entered the room, calling them to stand at the end of their beds as she inspected.

After berating a few of the girls for their improperly folded beds, she ordered them to have everything properly done and to be in the dining room in ten more minutes.

A few of the girls left immediately, while others stayed back to help teach those who had not successfully prepared their beds.

After the remaining group was positive that their room would pass inspection, they all headed out together, no chatter shared between their hazy, tired forms as they made their way quickly to the dining hall.

Once they reached the hall, the girls were shocked to see the other half of their group being herded behind the counter by Rossi. Turning around, she smiled at them.

"Ladies, you've made it just in time! You have the next fifteen minutes to retrieve your rations, and then you will be expected in building D. There we will be beginning in your set-up and sterilization lessons. 6 AM sharp. Do not be late!"

With that, their warden was on her way to her own area, and the girls quickly ran to line up for food.

* * *

Leaving their first course, the girls were all pale faced. Never had they seen someone set up a makeshift room so quickly in their lives.

They were expected to be able to learn how to set up impromptu spaces in the field for emergencies, surgeries, and even kitchens. They had started that day with a breakdown of what was expected in a hospital ward, and at the end of the two hour lesson, they had all gone through in groups and prepared their own rooms. In this case, the rooms being a tiny area of the massive building that they were in, sans any walls.

As they had been about to leave, Rossi had announced that they would next be meeting in the left-end field for physical endurance training. Suzy had felt her stomach twist at the announcement. Her leg hadn't been acting up much, but she wasn't sure how ready she was to be tested on her physical capabilities. If her leg gave out, that could mean that she would be sent home for good.

But the fact of the matter was that she didn't really have any option at all. So, after changing into the provided exercise uniform, she walked with her fellow nurses to the field.

The Sun was blinding, and very quickly she felt beads of sweat trailing down her neck. They stood waiting, chatting very minimally as down toward the other end of the field there were soldiers running through their drills and none of the girls wanted their group to be a disturbance.

Suzy looked around, noting that a few of the girls were giggling and whispering to one another as they stared across the field at the men. She looked over herself, watching as the men did push-ups in the dirt. They looked exhausted, she couldn't help but think.

The soldiers finished their push ups and stood shoulder to shoulder. The girls couldn't make out much from their position across the field, but one particular soldier managed to catch her eye nonetheless.

"Oh my goodness, Irene! Look at that poor crumb at the end, there! He's half the size of the rest of 'em!" Three girls ahead of her giggled, and she quickly snapped her eyes to them, watching as they ridiculed him. "Poor fella doesn't stand a chance!"

She tried to shut them out and focus on him instead. The soldier was obviously tagging behind in everything, and as she watched him go on with his exercises, she was almost positive that she knew who he had to be.

But how could she not have realized, or remembered the name of the camp he'd been sent to? She was about to step closer when a hand settled on her shoulder. Jumping slightly, she turned to see Ruth smiling at her.

"Don't tell me you're keen on watching the soldiers too?"

Suzy felt her cheeks go warm as she faced Ruth. "No, no of course not! I just- I thought I might recognize one of them."

Ruth sighed, placing an arm over her shoulder and leading her slowly away from the group of admirers and closer to the entrance of the field. "I wouldn't think too much on it. Yeah, maybe you do know one of them, but the truth of the matter is that in just under four weeks you'll probably be going overseas, somewhere far away from him."

She nodded numbly, ignoring the ache in her chest. These last couple of days had been so hectic that she hadn't really given too much thought to Steve. But now, with the possibility of him being just across the field from her, she felt a strong desire to go and find out if it really was him.

Not that she would, of course. But boy, did she want to.

After another few minutes of chatting, Rossi joined them on the field. Standing ahead of the group, she assisted them in splitting into small rows. Once everyone was able to see her, she began to explain the physical training that they would be doing.

They spent the afternoon going through drills and ensuring that they knew how to physically protect themselves from a variety of dangers.

It was when they were learning to pull soldiers quickly behind cover that she felt the first jolt in her knee. It was small, but as she continued on throughout the exercise, she felt the pain gradually grow.

She was sure that Ruth had probably seen her wincing, but if she did, she didn't say anything.

By the time they were finished, it was taking all of her willpower not too favor her other leg as she walked back to her starting position.

Rossi congratulated them all on a successful drill, and excused them to go to lunch.

A few of the girls had decided to walk the long way around the field to get back to the mess hall- their pining to see the soldiers up close being much more important to them than their grumbling stomachs.

Normally, she wouldn't have joined them. Her stomach was aching from the combination of hunger and overexertion, and she had a pulsating headache from the sun exposure.

But if Steve was there, she was sure that she could afford to wait another ten minutes before eating.

Hurrying to stay on track with the other girls, she walked as fast as she possibly could, trying not to show any visible discomfort as she still managed to trail behind.

As they got closer to the men, who were only just finishing up their drills, she was positive that it was him. Despite the helmet that was taking half way down his face and the dirt that covered the rest of him, she could see his features in much more detail now.

As he continued to finish his run through the obstacle course she watched. The other men were standing at the completion line laughing amongst themselves and looking back at him. Suzy jostled, every last part of her wanted to walk over there and wipe the ugly smirks off of their faces.

When he finally finished, the biggest man of the bunch snorted and pushed him back down into the dirt, laughing with his comrades as he walked away. Seeing that nobody was really watching the last to finish, she instantly took this as her chance to run up.

As he was lifting himself from the dust, his body shaking with exertion, she limped over to him and offered out a hand.

"On your feet, soldier."

Her voice had been quiet, but as soon as she'd spoken, Steve had lifted his face up to her. His eyes were wide with disbelief, and with an incredible speed he had grabbed her hand and pulled himself up. The smile on his face was infectious, and within moments they were both laughing together. She felt herself tear up, and hugged her friend tightly, despite how filthy he was.

"Suze, what are you doing here?"

She pulled away from him and quirked an eyebrow, motioning down to her uniform. "Here's your hint."

He blushed, reaching up and removing his helmet. "Oh, yeah. I guess I just figured that you'd need a bit more time before re-enlisting." Scratching the back of his head, he motioned for her to start walking toward the mess hall. "Is it your lunch time as well?"

She nodded, starting to walk beside him. Their pace was slow, and they chatted absentmindedly along the way. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him; Steve looked rough. He had light bruising across his face, and a split lip. Dirt was covering him- in his nostrils, on his eyelashes. It smudged along the edge of his hairline, where he'd been sweating.

"Steve?" She spoke quietly, stopping her steps as they got closer to the mess hall.

"Mhm?" He was smiling brightly, and she felt warm knowing that she was the cause.

"Are you- are things alright for you here? How are the others treating you?"

He shrugged, placing a hand softly on her shoulder. "No worse than I've been treated before. Don't worry yourself over it, trust me. It's a hurdle, but you know me, I always manage to get past it."

"Yeah, but..."

"No more buts. We need to eat before there's nothing but scraps left. I don't know about you, but I'm really hankering for a spam sandwich right about now." He placed a hand on her back, gently pushing her forward and consequently ending their conversation.

Heaving out a deep sigh, Suzy allowed him to guide her into the hall. True to his word, as the two got into line, Steve took a notably large helping of the spam sandwich, topped off with a rather pathetic spoonful of peas. Suzy didn't feel too hungry, but she followed his lead and took a helping for herself, eyeing it disdainfully and wishing that the food would at least be warm.

Steve saw her expression, laughing gently. "Spam is great and all, but man oh man, would I kill for one of Sal's subs back in Brooklyn." He smiled over at her and she butted her shoulder softly against his, nodding in agreement.

As the two of them walked slowly around, searching for a table, Suzy heard the slightest snort from beside them. Looking over, she saw five soldiers staring unapologetically at the two of them, laughing amongst themselves. Ignoring their shit-eating grins, she tried to follow along with Steve, listening to the giggles slowly disappear.

They found a nearly empty table, and sat across from one another. Taking his fork, Steve dug into the peas, winking as he took a massive bite, moaning with a stupid grin on his face. "If these aren't the best peas in the whole of this mess hall- no, the whole of this camp, I'll be darned." She grinned, throwing one of her peas at him and giggling. "Shut up, Rogers. You're gonna have all of the girls looking over, making noises like that."

He blushed, his eyes reverting back down to his plate. "Duly noted."

The two chatted idly, discussing the different training courses they'd been in, and how they liked them. As their time together was coming to an end, they grew ravenous in their conversation, not wanting to walk away from one another just yet.

"They send me away in two weeks, you know. If I make it, that is. But Dr. Erskine is positive that he can help me get through training."

Suzy blinked, looking up at him, her fork playing with the last few bites on her plate. "Dr. Erskine? I didn't know that you'd seen him since arriving here. I thought he would be stationed back in New York."

He seemed to think for a moment, before setting his fork down and clasping his hands together. "Well, that's actually something that I wanted to talk to you about. I didn't give you all of the details of my enlistment-"

The boisterous yelling of a man paused him in his speech, "Oi, Rogers! Who's the dame you've got sitting with you? I didn't even think that they provided complimentary nurses to the soldiers! Must mean that he's on his way out, eh boys?"

Steve shut his eyes tightly, pinching at the bridge of his nose. Suzy, on the other hand, was quick to glare at the soldiers who had made their way over to the table. The same men who, earlier, had been eyeing them so curiously.

"Do we have a problem here, boys? Or are you just looking for a quick thrill before you go back to kissing each other's arses? I can't imagine that it's very dazzling, after all."

The men in the back of the group all jolted with laughter, hitting the soldier in the front jovially as he stood, glaring at Suzy. Steve looked at her, wide-eyed, before turning back towards the group.

"Get out of here, Hodge. This isn't a fight that you want to pick, alright?"

The brute man scoffed, crossing his arms. "What, a piss-ugly nurse and a half-wit? Yeah, alright Rogers."

Walking closer, the man-Hodge, as it was- came and sat down directly beside Suzy, his stench radiating to her and making her almost gag. He leaned closer, quirking an eyebrow. "Huh, well would you look at that, boys! Once you get close enough, she's actually a real doll! Rogers, I think you need to let me borrow your nurse sometime. I'm sure I could show her a much better time than you've been, eh doll?"

Her shoulders were tense as she turned away from him. "I'd rather drown in that mud that you've been crawling through than spend a minute with the likes of you."

He slammed his hand on the table, moving even closer. "If I were you, I'd watch my mouth, doll. Can't have our superiors hearing you insult a soldier, can we? Not when I'll be out there fighting an actual _war_ , unlike the likes of you." Standing up, he straightened his collar and began to walk away. Before he could get too far, Steve had made a move to stand up. Noticing his obvious anger, Suzy quickly grabbed his hand, trying to pull him back down.

"Steven Rogers, you sit your spitfire arse right back down again. Anything you have to say will _not_ make this any better."

He slowly sat down, continuing to glare in the direction that the small group had headed. "That's assuming that I actually want to make it better. Which, let me be clear, I really don't. I just want to wipe that smirk off of his no-good, ugly-"

"Steve!" She squeezed his hand, moving closer to him.

He sighed, finally looking at her, begrudgingly removing his hand from hers and settling back. "Fine. I'll leave it. But it's not fair that you got to throw in those comments, and I can't even-"

"Steve, seriously!"

She hissed, watching as a few other nurses began to eye their table in concern.

He crossed his arms and leaned back. " _Fine._ But next time, he won't be so lucky."

Shaking her head, Suzy moved to grab their trays. Steve moved to argue, and she held up a hand. "You're going to be late, let me at least take your tray for you. And who knows, maybe we can continue our conversation tomorrow?"

He seemed to grow pale at this, and nodded. "Yeah, okay. Thanks Suze." Standing up, he squeezed her arm softly, smiling bashfully and rushing to catch up with his group. Rolling her eyes, she took the two trays and made her way to the dishwashing station. "Boys."

* * *

"Suzy! Suzy!" Daisy's voice yelled out from behind her, and Suzy turned backwards. She observed as the small girl bounded quickly up to her, grabbing her arm and turning her back in the direction that the group of nurses was headed.

"Afternoon to you too, Dais." Suzy rolled her eyes softly, grinning. Daisy blew a blonde strand out of her eyes, huffing dramatically as she looked up at the taller girl.

"Who was that boy, Suzy?"

Suzy almost would have laughed at the question, if she hadn't seen the look of absolute seriousness on the blonde's face.

"Guess."

"Nope, not fun. There is no way that you are not telling me _right now_ who in the world you ate lunch with. Nuh-uh! I want names, Suzy! Proof!"

Suzy laughed softly, and squeezed her friend's arm. "That _boy_ you're so enthused with is my very own Brooklyn boy, Steve Rogers. I guess we got sent to the same camp."

Eyes wide, her friend squealed, jumping with much too enthusiasm for someone that Suzy had really only recently met. She shushed her, motioning at her to stop drawing so much attention. "Alright, alright. You're acting like I've just gotten engaged!"

Daisy grinned from ear-to-ear, leaning closer onto Suzy's shoulder. "I mean, I'm sure it's not far down the road. What with the completely smitten way you both looked at one another. I thought you'd start kissing right then and there!" Suzy swatted at her, but she dodged it, her smile coy. "And here I was thinking that maybe you'd find yourself a fella here in the camp. Boy oh boy, I wasn't wrong, was I?"

Another swat to the head from Suzy, and another miss.

"He's not my fella! We've been best friends for years, so don't get ahead of yourself. Do you know how many times Buck has tried to pull this one over on me?"

"Pulled one over? It's not pulling one over on you if you genuinely look like you're a couple already. I don't think Bucky was trying to bother you, Suze. I think that he probably saw the same spark that I did. I know married girls who don't even get along with their own husbands that well."

Suzy brushed the comment off, shaking her head. "We're best friends. He's never going to see me as anything else, for that I'm certain. So you can untwist your panties, now."

The blonde froze suddenly, halting Suzy from walking forward. Suzy grunted, turning to shoot a half-hearted glare at her friend. But Daisy didn't notice, her eyebrows lifted and her mouth slowly turning from a silent-O to a kittenish grin.

"You may not think that he's ever going to see you as anything but a friend, but throughout all of that, you never once mentioned what you _want_ him to see you as. Which, from the way you're talking, I'm thinking you're a bit tired of the friendship thing. Tell me I'm wrong, Suze!"

Suzy tensed slightly, gently pulling her arm out of Daisy's to begin walking ahead again.

"It doesn't matter. Like I said, he doesn't see me that way. Now, are you coming? We're going to be the last ones there, and I don't want to do sit-ups again."

She felt the smaller arm loop softly through her again, and her lips lifted into a smile when she felt her friend lean against her shoulder in a half-hug.

"Well, if he doesn't see you as anything but, Steve Rogers is a real fool."

* * *

The next two days were a blur, and to Suzy's dismay, the two groups had not shared their lunch times again. Her, Daisy, and Ruth had claimed a table in the mess hall together with a few other girls that they had a good repertoire with.

It was always a nice conversation between the group of them, and although Suzy was growing closer with the two girls, she was struggling with her concern. She wanted to see that Steve was doing okay. Especially with how he had left her the other day, obviously struggling with something.

So, the next day, when she finally saw Steve's group out on the field again, she was thankful. Her training that morning passed slowly, but once they closed up she all but ran to his side of the field. Seeing his frame standing awkwardly at the back of his group, she waved at him.

"Ste-" she began to yell his name, but froze when she saw a woman come to approach him. The woman was a dark-haired beauty, and from what Suzy could see of her uniform, she deemed her to be some kind of official. But the warm smile that was on the woman's face as she approached Steve was anything but professional, and Suzy froze.

Steve was laughing with her. Suzy watched as he spoke with the brunette, his hand coming up to rub the back of his head as he stuttered.

Her stomach felt ill, and Suzy began to turn, walking away quickly. She felt like an intruder watching the two of them. She knew how hard it was for Steve to speak to women, and despite how awkward he had been, she hadn't seen him this comfortable with a woman in years. The last thing he needed was for her to interrupt.

She reminded herself this as she got to the mess hall, her stomach still rolling and her heart beating a bit too rapidly for her comfort. Approaching her familiar table, she smiled weakly and sat down, her head laying down on her arms.

"Are you alright, Suze?" Ruth's hand came to rest on her back, rubbing it softly. She sighed, enjoying the feeling. "Just tired. It's been a long day."

The other girls all murmured in agreement, and Ruth hugged her from the side. "Tomorrow will be better, don't worry."

She nodded, groaning and sitting up slowly. "I sure hope so."

As she leaned back, she saw the door opening from beside her. Looking over, she saw Steve walking in alongside the brunette woman from earlier, and instantly turned her head away. Daisy stared at her from across the table, her eyes squinting as she observed. "Suzy…"

"Daisy, please not now."

The blonde crossed her arms and tutted, staring at her still. Suzy ran a hand through her hair, groaning. "Please, can we talk about this later?"

"Fine."

Nodding, she turned back around, watching as Steve pulled out a chair for the brunette, his smile widening as she thanked him and sat.

Groaning, Suzy slammed her head back down onto the table.

It would be another long day, it seemed.

* * *

It was another three days before she got to see him again.

This time, he was alone. And bruised from head to toe. When she'd first approached, she had nearly had a heart attack. His eyes was blue and half-swollen shut, and the other men had snickered as they'd walked away from the field, looking back at him with pride for their work.

"Steven Rogers, you better tell me right now who gave you that bruise."

He sighed, his shoulders tensing as her turned around to face her. "Please don't worry about it. It was probably just an accident."

She blinked incredulously, "Probably just an accident? You can barely open your eye!" He nodded, coming closer. "Yes, but I'm still alive. It's just a scratch, honestly. Please don't stress yourself out over me, Suze."

She shook her head, laughing half-heartedly. "You sure as heck don't make it easy, Steve."

He walked up to her and put an arm gently around her back, leading her toward the crowd that was ahead. "C'mon, let's go get a bite."

Enjoying the warmth of his hand on her back, she let him lead her along with the group, watching the dust rise around her feet as they stepped along. "Steve?"

"Hmm?"

She wanted to ask him about the girl from yesterday, and she almost had. But then paused, deciding against it. "What do you think they'll have for lunch today?"

He snorted, "If we're lucky, maybe it'll be the mystery stew again."

"It's kind of strange, isn't it? It's almost like being back in school again. Making friends, picking tables, eating pre-made lunches. It feels so similar."

He nodded, moving his hands to settle into his pockets. The two walked side-by-side now, and he looked straight ahead. "Maybe, but Buck's not here." She let out a long breath, tired. "Yeah. I miss him more than I thought possible."

"You and I both. I drew something real nice the other day, and all I could think was, 'Wow, I can't wait to show Bucky.' as if I'd actually be able to go a few doors down and show him." She nodded, "I've done things like that. What was it that you drew?"

He blushed, laughing strangely. "Just a girl. Nothing that I think you'd like to see."

 _The brunette. It must be the brunette._

She stayed silent, clearing her throat quietly. Walking quicker, she led him to the entryway of the mess hall. "We're uh, we're here."

He nodded, reaching out to get the door, "Here, let me-" Opening the door for her, he grinned, trailing behind her as she eyed the few empty tables. "I'll go get us a table, if you're okay to get the food?"

Nodding, Steve began to walk toward the lineup. "Anything in particular you want?" She shook her head, "Surprise me."

After a moderate amount of waiting, Steve finally returned back to their corner of the table that she'd chosen. Placing the tray of stew in front of her, he sat down, sighing. "I have some things to go over with you."

She quirked an eyebrow, "You make it sound like you're needing my permission for something. Which I will remind you, you definitely don't."

"No, no. That's not it- not really, I mean. It's about Dr. Erskine. You know, the thing that I was telling you the other day before we were interrupted…"

She nodded, digging into her food as she waited for him to continue talking.

"As you probably have already realized, I wasn't really chosen to join the forces because of my physical strength. And before you interrupt me, I know that I have a number of other strengths, but with my list of health conditions, it's a miracle that I'm here in training. Which I'm sure that you've probably also thought." She went to speak up, but he gently held up a hand. "I think it's best if you just let me tell you everything, before we start arguing."

Crossing her arms, Suzy leaned back into her chair. "Okay, I'm all ears."

"That night that Buck left, the night of the Stark convention, I didn't tell you guys everything. I did see Dr. Erskine, and I did get accepted, but there was a bit of a catch."

Making sure that she was still listening, he continued, looking around the room nervously. "Dr. Erskine has made a formula that might help us win this war, Suze. He calls it the 'super-soldier serum', and if it works correctly, it will turn the tables completely. Imagine American men with enhanced strength, enhanced stamina- men who are basically indestructible- and they'd be out on the lines, fighting the Germans. One man would be worth a hundred regular soldiers."

His eyes were bright as he spoke, and Suzy's face was blank. He still wasn't looking at her fully, only glancing up every once in a while.

"The thing is, he needs a test subject."

"No."

She had spoken so suddenly that he'd barely even processed it before she continued to speak. "Steve Rogers, please, please tell me that you did not sign up for this."

He looked up through his lashes, shrugging his shoulders. "I can't tell you that, Suze."

"So you're willing to get yourself experimented on, possibly _killed_ just so that you can fight? Are you serious, Steve?!" She was hissing, careful to keep her voice down in the busy area.

"Well, tell me that you're not doing the same thing, Suzy. You, Bucky. You both joined knowing that there was a chance that you could die, but you still joined. Don't I have that right, too?"

She opened and closed her mouth a few times, before letting out a loud _hmph!_ And recrossing her arms. "At least I won't be a regular old lab rat, Steve. I cannot believe that you're considering this. I think that you should tell Dr. Erskine to shove right off."

He shook his head, "No can do, I've already spoken with Peggy and Dr. Erskine has chosen me. I agreed earlier this afternoon."

Her heart felt heavy, and she tried to ignore the fact that he was on first name basis with one of Dr. Erskine's assistants. "I told you that you don't ever need my permission, and I won't take that back. You're an adult, and you make your own decisions, but do not, for one second, expect me to support this."

"Suzy, I promise, I won't-"

"I think I need to go for a walk, it's suddenly very warm in here. Excuse me."

She stood abruptly, walking away from the table and leaving her tray half-eaten, sitting on the table. Quickly, Steve ran both of their trays to the dishwashing station before hightailing out of the room, behind her. Seeing her off in the distance, he called her name. She didn't stop, but rather, seemed to speed up.

Running as quickly as he could, he just barely had caught up to her before he broke out in a coughing fit. Leaning down on his legs, he heaved in a massive breathe. At this point, Suzy had huffed and turned around and run back toward him, leaning down to check that he was alright. "Do you need me to get you your inhaler?"

He shook his head, no, standing back up with her support. "No, no, I should be okay."

Nodding, she froze for a moment, almost as if she wanted to speak, before decidedly turning around and beginning to walk away. Without a second thought, Steve yelled out, "Dr. Erskine wants to meet you, Suzy."

She froze, turning half-way around to glare at him. "And why in the world would he want that, Steve?"

The soldier rubbed his head, his face forming a grimace. "I may have mentioned you once or twice to him. He said he's uh, he's interested in maybe having a female super-soldier. Someone who cares about other people- someone who wants to help them. I thought you'd be the perfect fit, and he's inclined to agree."

She didn't even grace him with a reply this time, instead shaking her head and turning back around.

"So, that's a no, then?" He hadn't probably meant for her to hear it, but she had. Turning quickly around, she stormed up to him, towering over his smaller frame as she glared down. "If I wasn't already clear enough, Steve, I would _never_ allow someone to use me as their test monkey. I like myself the way that the Lord made me, and I'm almost offended that you obviously _don't._ " Hissing out the last part, she swiftly twisted around in a cloud of dust, and stomped away.

"Now you've done it, Rogers." He muttered to himself, dejectedly turning around to find Peggy.

* * *

 **Okay so _maybe_ I lied again. She didn't quite meet Peggy, but the time will come. Sorry for the really, really delayed update. I am working 7 days a week and so it's really limited downtime to update. But I will try to improve!**

 **By the way, thank you for all of the kind reviews and follows. You keep me writing. :)**

 **x**


	6. Chapter 6

Her leg was bothering her again.

It had gotten chillier in the evenings, triggering the pain in her knee that she couldn't seem to shake anymore. Not to mention the fact that the constant effort she had made to walk normally was clearly beginning to catch up to her.

She hadn't mentioned it to anyone, afraid that she may be sent home.

It was during their emergency drills that someone had finally noticed. Someone that she really, _really_ would have preferred to have not noticed.

* * *

Their emergency drills occurred often, and if she was being honest, Suzy would hesitate to even call them drills at all, but rather, trials. They took hours to get through, and were beginning to show up almost every day. Frankly, she dreaded them. As nurses, it was very rare that they would even be placed in the circumstances that were being taught- hostage scenarios, body camouflage, mustard gas. She was more than prepared to treat the men who would get caught in these events, but she highly doubted that she'd be out on the field enough to really have to worry.

The other nurses seemed to be of a similar mindset, all groaning as they stood out in the field, watching as some ominous clouds slowly made their way closer.

"Alright, ladies! Today's emergency drill will be a little bit different, as we have a few extra faces in attendance. Please be mindful of Colonel Phillips and Agent Carter as they observe. If they advise you, I would like for you to listen! They are, after all, the experts. Am I clear?

The group all murmured and nodded, all except for Suzy. She was too busy watching the dark-haired woman, whom she most definitely recognized. She hadn't realized that the woman who had Steve so flustered was an _agent._ She swallowed thickly, looking away very quickly when the woman's eyes met hers. How could anyone compete with Agent Carter?

The group began their exercises, warming up with their regular routine. Once the girls were all thoroughly drenched in sweat, Colonel Phillips came to the head of the group.

"Alright, ladies! I want you all lined up in front of Agent Carter! Today you're going to be learning explosives etiquette!"

She scoffed to Ruth, rolling her eyes and mouthing 'explosives etiquette?', which earned her a snort from the other girl. Coming to stand in a line alongside the other nurses, she kept her gaze forwards, ignoring the Agent that stood off to the side of her. Ignoring the _perfect_ way that she stood, with her _perfect_ hair, and her _perfect_ red lipstick.

Even if Suzy didn't want to admit it to herself, Steve did have great taste in women. How could anyone do any better than a gorgeous, intelligent, powerful woman like Agent Carter? Suzy would never even be able to measure up to her, no chance.

God, if Bucky was here, he'd be slobbering like a hound. And unlike the other girls that Suzy had met, she had a feeling that Agent Carter wouldn't be slobbering at all. She'd probably barely spare him a glance.

"Barnes?"

A voice called her out of her stupor, and she looked up, meeting eyes with Colonel Phillips, who looked at her as if she were a piece of dust on his shoulder. It took her a moment too long to realize that they were doing name-call. Standing straight, she nodded at him. "Yes, sir!" He glared for a moment, before shaking his head and moving down the list.

She felt her face go extremely red as a few of the other girls giggled. Ruth whispered a hushed _shut up_! to her neighbour, and Suzy smiled softly, grateful for the friends that she had made. At least _they_ wouldn't choose Agent Carter over her.

After the names were all called, Colonel Phillips split them into small groups, assigning them each areas of the field. Joining her group, she followed them to the corner of the field, chatting idly as they waited for their drill to begin. After five or so minutes, Agent Carter approached them confidently, and Suzy had to hold herself back from rolling her eyes. Why couldn't they have had Colonel Phillips, instead?

"Hello, ladies." She was British. Oh god, she was _British._ Seriously? Even her accent was fancy. She could already picture her complimenting Steve with her fancy accent and her red lips. He'd probably faint right there and then. Actually, she could probably say his name and he'd faint.

Suzy would never admit it to herself, but she was most definitely still angry with him.

"Today's drill will be relatively quick, and I'll be here to perfect it with you along the way. I'm holding in my hand a fake grenade. Allow me to announce it once more- this grenade is _not real._ So I won't have any of you screaming and throwing a fit. This is a perfectly harmless drill."

One of the girls held up her hand, but with the quirk of Agent Carter's brow, she slowly lowered it.

"I will be throwing this grenade, and we, as a group, will be reviewing the proper response. Which, as it so happens, involves ducking and protecting your head and vital organs. I'm sure that we can all figure that one out quite quickly, yes?"

The girls all eyed one another, before slowly nodding. Agent Carter smiled and nodded, holding her arms behind herself. "Lovely, let's get started. Miss Daniels, will you please show me how you would suggest holding yourself if someone were to launch an explosive in your direction?"

Sarah Daniels froze, looking around awkwardly before nodding. "Yes, I… Okay." Getting down to her knees, she hunched her back, using her hands to cover her head as she crouched. Agent Carter stepped over to her, observing for a moment before nodding, "That'll do, thank you."

Sarah stood, brushing herself off and clasping her hands together. "Was that, uh, was that alright?"

Agent Carter smiled, "Yes, I suppose so. Would you ladies agree?"

The group murmured in agreement, and Agent Carter removed her hands from behind her back, showing the small toy in her hand. "Well, if we're on the same page, let's begin. Spread yourselves out!"

The group arranged themselves throughout their area of the field, all standing in preparation. Peggy waited until they were all organized before smiling and stationing herself. Without a moment's notice, she threw the small 'explosive', unexpectedly tethering it toward the left end of their group.

A few of the girls let out small yells, and many of them froze, forgetting to duck down. Agent Carter stood ahead of them, her arms crossed as she watched them. Suzy looked up at her from her half-crouched position, her leg screaming in discomfort, watching as Agent Carter frowned.

"Heavens, ladies. Half of you would have died if this had been a real explosive!"

Their practice went on for another fifteen minutes of painful repetition- quite literally, as Suzy's leg was pulsating with a hot pain- until they had each perfected their hand-eye coordination and posture. Announcing that they were finished, Peggy smiled, holding her hands behind her back, watching as the girls all began to relax and chat.

It was then, once they'd let their guard down, that she threw the final 'grenade'. And, as if that weren't enough to startle the girls, it was definitely enough when the smoke began to rise from the small object.

From beside her, Sarah screamed, jumping backwards and falling pitifully to the ground. The collision was hard, and her head hit the hardest, right against a small rock that jutted outwards from the ground. Very quickly, her scream was cut off as she lost consciousness.

Suzy didn't think. She didn't look twice at the smoking object nearby. She just ran. And within moments, she was kneeled beside her unconscious team-mate, feeling for her pulse and looking to see where her head had collided with the rock. Blood was flowing heavily from a gash at the back of her head, and Suzy quickly pulled off her top, leaving herself in nothing but an under-top as she began to place pressure on the wound.

What was happening was barely calculating in her mind as she yelled orders to the other two girls that had quickly joined her. She briefly noticed the form of Agent Carter jogging up as she and the other girls began to check Sarah for any other health concerns. It was only when Nurse Rossi had run up and taken over that she was able to clearly notice her surroundings. A crowd had formed, and at the forefront of it stood Agent Carter, her eyes squinted as she stared at Suzy. Within seconds of the two women making eye contact, Agent Carter had motioned for Suzy to follow her away from the crowd.

Confused, she followed slowly, her heart fluttering anxiously as she followed her senior away from the chaos.

Once they were a fair distance away, Agent Carter stopped abruptly in front of an old building at the far end of the camp. Suzy stopped quickly behind her, her hands coming to clasp in front of her. She felt sweat beads form on her back and flexed her shoulders, coughing awkwardly.

"Miss Barnes, I've heard a great deal about you."

Agent Carter's voice was soft, and Suzy blinked in confusion as the woman turned to face her, a wide smile framed by painted lips greeting her.

"I- I'm sorry. Pardon?"

"I'd like to introduce myself properly. My name is Agent Peggy Carter. It's a pleasure to properly meet you."

Agent Carter, or rather, _Peggy's_ hand was held out in front of her, her nails perfectly trimmed and her skin untainted by dirt. Suzy felt self-conscious as she extended her filthy, blood-covered hand to clumsily shake the agent's. She didn't speak, instead eying the woman in front of her cautiously. The change in character had her unnerved.

Peggy dropped her hand, motioning for her to join her as she sat at a nearby picnic bench. Slowly easing herself down beside her, Suzy couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as she felt the pulsating in her leg ease just slightly.

"Your leg, what happened to it?"

The British woman's question had her frozen, as she stared wide-eyed at her. How could she have possibly known?

"I don't have a clue what you mean, Agent."

"Call me Peggy, please. And I believe that you do, Miss Barnes. In fact, you're more than well aware of it. You seem to be in quite a bit of pain."

"No, I don't believe so." She knew that she was being stubborn, but she'd be damned if she let Steve's new girlfriend send her home. She planned on sticking around for much longer than this.

If that was her concern, though, Agent Carter seemed not to care.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about. That's your choice. Although, I can't help but feel that you're more like Mr. Rogers than either of you would like to admit. You're too stubborn for your own good."

Suzy rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. "If you think that you know him _so_ well."

Agent Carter snorted, leaning back against the bench. "No, I won't pretend that I do. But both of you are so, _so_ impeccably easy to read. Good heavens, it's actually quite silly."

Suzy didn't speak, but simply eyed the woman.

"Look, I'm sorry. Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever thought to really just tell him how you feel?" The British woman had turned toward her now, quirking an eyebrow. Suzy opened her mouth to reply, and found that she couldn't.

"I- it's… it's… what do you want, Agent?" She knew that she should really watch her mouth; after all, Agent Carter was in _all_ ways her superior, but the woman had pulled Suzy's strings and she was tired, in pain, and frankly done with this ridiculous conversation. She wanted to get to the point of it all, before she missed lunch.

"Steve wanted me to talk to you. He may not have mentioned to you that I'm here to help guide Dr. Erskine in his research. Which I very much am, and you, Miss Barnes, you've piqued my interest. Of course, Steve's constant praise left Dr. Erskine and I just a tiny bit curious as to what has him so completely enamoured with you. But I believe that I'm starting to see it."

Suzy snorted. "Steve isn't enamoured with me, Agent Carter-"

"Please, call me Peggy."

She hesitated, eying the Brit before continuing, "Peggy... Steve is one of my closest friends, so of course he'd flatter me. But I'm afraid that you'd got the wrong girl. I'm perfectly happy with the way that I am already." She watched as the brunette sighed, crossing her arms.

"Wouldn't you want to fix your leg, if somebody gave you the chance?"

Peggy's question made her shoulders tense, and she didn't know what she could say. The woman continued, "Not that it's any of my business, really. Simply an observation."

"No, it's not really your business at all." Her response was cold, and she stood. "I think that it's time I get going."

"I suppose so. I'll be seeing you again, Suzy."

Suzy was uncomfortable with the first name basis, and she _definitely_ had not enjoyed the conversation. Superior or not, the agent was tugging at the very little nerve she had left after her fight with Steve. "I'm not so sure about that. I think I'd prefer to be left alone. Please, if you could, pass that message on to your new favourite guy- I'm sure that he'll listen to you."

Peggy stood up as well, blinking slowly before beginning to smile. "I'm afraid that it's nothing like that, Suzy."

Suzy shrugged, frowning as she looked back at the agent. "Sure as day looked like it to me. Have a nice day, Agent Carter."

* * *

In hindsight, maybe she could have been a bit nicer. But every time that she saw Peggy, she saw Steve blushing and giggling like a teenage girl. And now, as if that weren't bad enough, she saw Peggy trying to change him- one of the only two men she really cared for- into someone who he was not.

The British agent had come in like a storm. A gorgeous storm with intelligence _and_ success. Damn her.

Standing from her spot on her bunk, Suzy brushed the dust off of her skirt. She had been lucky enough to escape unscathed after not showing up to her next lesson on time. Somehow, Peggy must have spoken to Rossi, as the woman barely had a frown on her face when she noticed Suzy jogging up.

They'd spent the rest of the day in vigorous training; they were a few days away from going to their next destination. For some girls, that would be their homes for a short few weeks, but for a few of the girls, including Suzy, they were to be sent out immediately to assist the efforts. Five girls would be granted the chance to go into the actual front-lines, and so the fight was on. Every class was an exhausting session of 'Who can set up an operatory the quickest?' or 'Who can show Rossi the correct way to remove a bullet?'- a shocking number of the girls wanted to be picked as one of Rossi's top five. Suzy was, of course, included in that group.

She packed all of her annoyance with Steve and Peggy (and heck, even Dr. Erskine) into her work, focusing only on the motions of her duty as a nurse. By the end of the day, she often ended up where she was tonight, sitting on her bunk preparing to write Bucky while the other girls were out with their friends, sitting around the camp and giggling at the soldiers.

Not all of the girls, she supposed. Looking over a few bunks over, Ruth was already fast asleep, snoring softly with her book clutched half-way to her chest. She often fell asleep reading, but only her books. Not once had Suzy seen her reading or writing a letter. She was curious, but kept to herself.

On the other side of her sat Daisy, who was currently sniffling into another one of the letters from her boyfriend. He had written her every single day, and Suzy could not remember a day that Daisy hadn't written him back. The blonde seemed absolutely exhausted, but she could only blame it on her late nights of writing letters.

She, on the other hand, did not write often, and did not receive letters often. Bucky barely had any time away from the war efforts to write her, as she understood, and she did not complain. Overall, she only had two letters from him, but she herself had written him four. Tonight's would be number five.

 _Buck,_

 _I miss you._

 _Rogers is doing my head in, and if you were here, I'm sure you'd smack him upside the head for his stupidity. I can't explain it all to you through my letter, but I know that if you were here, you'd be right beside me telling him to stand down._

 _But, you know him, he won't stand down for anyone or anything. It's a little insulting, really._

 _I met a gal today that I think you'd probably like. I can't stand her, but you'd be looking for engagement rings. She's a British dame, as well. I know how you love your women with accents._

 _As bad as it sounds, I'm almost wishing that you were here to steal her away for yourself. Steve's got some weird attachment to her and I'm not big on the whole thing. She's no good for him- wants him to change and all of that nonsense._

 _But I guess that's not really fair of me._

 _Anyways, I hope things are good with you and the 107th. Tell Timothy Dugan that your doll of a sister says hi, and that I simply cannot accept his proposal! I had a real laugh when I read your last letter… I mean, did you even realize that he'd written on the back of it? I could barely understand the chicken scratch._

 _Anyways, just wanted to give you another update. I'm sent away next week, and I hope that I'll be near you. It's unlikely, but a girl can hope._

 _Kisses and hugs,_  
 _Suzy_

Holding the letter tightly in her hands, she surveyed it for any mistakes, before folding it gently and placing it on her nightstand. She'd be sure to send it tomorrow at lunch.

Saying goodnight to the girls, she pulled the covers up, balling up underneath them. The chill was strong in the night-time, but they made do. The wool scratched against her cheek and left her twisting around until she was comfortable. But even once she had settled, she couldn't seem to deter the twisting of her stomach. Her mind was returning to her fight with Steve, and even worse, his surgery. He had said that it'd be this week.

Suzy hated to think it, but if this serum didn't work the way it was supposed to, this could be the last week she'd ever see Steve Rogers.

With that thoughts, she squeezed her eyes and forced herself to sleep, trying to ignore the terrible thought.

Maybe she could convince him to change his mind? Tomorrow, Suzy decided, she would hunt him down. How could she ever face Bucky again if she had been the one to let him go ahead with this?

* * *

Ruth had woken Suzy up the next day, panicking her out of her sleep. The older girl shushed her, looking around to make sure that she hadn't woken anyone.

"Can you get dressed? I need to go for a walk."

Suzy blinked, nodding slowly before getting up. The air was a bit crisp, and she dressed hurriedly to escape from the chill. As soon as her shoes were on, she was jogging to join Ruth at the doorway, squeezing through the small crack at which Ruth held it open.

The two walked into the field, going to a far corner, before Ruth turned around. The older girl grinned, sighing and plopping down onto the grass. "Thanks for joining me. I can't stand it, constantly being surrounded by other people."

Suzy nodded, joining her on the grass and adjusting her skirt as she sat. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really, no."

Suzy waited to see if Ruth would say anything else, but she simply sat and stared ahead at the pink sky.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, no."

She was used to this; Ruth wasn't an outspoken girl, nor was she an attention seeker. She was strong in her opinions, but did not often state them. Suzy and Daisy knew very, very little about her home life.

Ruth crossed her arms, beside her, and leaned them on her knees. "But I will. Talk about it, that is."

Suzy didn't respond, simply turning and looking at the girl. She was still staring ahead at the sky, actively avoiding Suzy's gaze. "My brother, Adam. He's missing-in-action. My mother wrote me a few nights ago to let me know. She's absolutely distraught."

"I'm so sorry, Ruth."

Ruth shrugged, placing her forehead down on her arms and speaking into her sleeve with a muffled voice, "I appreciate that, but it's not your fault."

Suzy moved closer, rubbing her hand gently against her friend's back. "Yeah, I suppose so. But I really am sorry, you know."

"Do you know what's the worst part? When I heard, all I could think was 'What if that will be me, too?'. How selfish is that?"

Suzy continued to rub her back, smiling softly. "I think that all of us here have had thoughts like that, Ruth. You're scared for him, I'm sure, and that's triggering a lot of unpleasant thoughts. It's normal, most definitely."

Ruth nodded, lifting her head and looking at Suzy with teary eyes, "What if he was taken, Suzy? He's _Jewish_ , if he was taken by the enemy, he…" She was crying now, her nose red and lips dry as she ran a hand through her wavy mane of caramel hair. Suzy moved even closer, squeezing the girl from the side and leaning her head on hers. "He'll be okay, Ruth. The Lord will take care of him."

The older girl welcomed her embrace, leaning in and sniffling. The two sat for a while, staring at the sky as it moved from pink to yellow, and then orange. By the time it was starting to turn blue, Ruth had settled and the two girls had began to make their way back to their bunks.

As they reached the door, Ruth held a hand out to hold the door closed, turning to Suzy.

"Thank you. I needed to talk to somebody that I could trust to understand. It means a large deal to me." Lifting her arms, the taller girl pulled Suzy in for a tight hug, her arms clutched heavily around Suzy's shoulders. She froze, shocked for a moment, before quietly squeezing Ruth back.

As she returned to her bunk, and despite the sadness that seemed to be everywhere, Suzy smiled; it felt nice to have friends, in a place like this.

* * *

Later in the day, she was one of the last to finish packing a wound, too exhausted from her early morning to function. Ruth had been called away in the middle of their course, and Suzy grew distracted waiting for her to return.

By the time lunch had rolled around, Suzy was absolutely jittery. Her foot couldn't stop tapping and all she could think about was Ruth's brother. As Nurse Rossi excused them, she was the first to fly away, closely followed by Daisy, who had sensed something wrong.

The blonde followed her closely, reaching for her. "Suzy, please! What's going on?" Continuing to walk, she spoke behind herself, "I'm worried about Ruth. She left during class and never returned. What if something's wrong?" She kept any mention of Ruth's brother out, not wanting to say something that she shouldn't have.

"And you think that you'll find her in the lunch hall?"

Suzy shrugged her shoulders, continuing forward, "Maybe."

They were almost at the doors when she saw the familiar forms of a curvy brunette and a skinny boy walking together in the distance. The two looked to be headed toward a sleek black car that sat in the main entryway. Instantly, she had stopped walking, causing Daisy to bump into her shoulder as she struggled to stop in time.

"Suzy, what is it now?"

"I'm sorry, I- I really need you to go and find Ruth. See if she's okay. I have to do something extremely important." She nodded back to the blonde girl as she retreated toward the two walking figures ahead of her. She heard Daisy begin to question her but then pause as she looked ahead at where she was walking.

"I'll keep you updated!"

She nodded back, smiling softly. "Thank you!"

By this time, when she turned back around, Steve had turned and noticed the noise, seeing her advancing. Instantly, he had stopped Peggy, asking her to wait. The woman nodded calmly, crossing her arms and grinning.

"Suzy, you came to see me off?"

She walked right up, looking quickly between him and Peggy before crossing her arms, "Steve Rogers, I am going to be clear that right now, this is your last chance to walk away. I can't make your choices for you, but if you get into that car you need to know what you might be giving up. Please, just think about that. Is pride more important than your life, Steve? Honestly?"

He frowned, his brows quirking inwards. "Pride? This has nothing to do with pride."

She shook her head, laughing bitterly. "It has everything to do with pride. Why can't you accept that dying for your country may not be the best way to help it? Is it really worth it, to do that to the people who love you for _you?_ " She was prepared to walk away, when he spoke up in a sad voice,

"Have you ever thought that maybe I'm doing this _for_ those very same people?"

She froze, her eyes stinging as she fought with her closest friend. "You're really going to do this, Steve?"

He nodded resolutely, "I've never doubted it, Suzy. Can't you just trust me?"

Rubbing away a few tears that had pooled in her eyes, she let out a heaving sigh. "I'll always trust you, Steve. But I won't always be okay with the choices you make or the causes that you choose to follow. And I'll never, ever be okay with this choice,

"I can't understand your rationale, I can't even begin to fathom how you can consider doing this to yourself- to the God who created you perfectly as you are. Not one soul in this world could even _force_ me to be injected with a mystery drug. I guess I just always thought we were on similar pages. I thought you'd finally come to terms with who you are."

He frowned, crossing his own arms now, "Look, Suzy, I understand your feelings. But I think, for once, you may not be able to understand mine. You were born perfectly- made perfectly. And I know that you want to believe that I was too, but in all reality I _wasn't_. I was born sick, and I'm ready to be healthy. I've never known the feeling, and if I have to live feeling this terrible for the rest of my life, maybe it's worth it to take a chance on it."

Her eyes went wide, and she opened her mouth to interrupt, but he ignored her, continuing on, "I'm willing to take my chances that this works- are you?"

Her gaze was cold as she blinked away her tears. Her face looked empty to him, and it made him feel ill. "No, Steve. I've never been willing to take my chances on your life. But if it's of so little importance to you, than you go ahead and throw it away."

With that, she whipped around, her braid nearly smacking him in the face. He watched her storm off, feeling Peggy's warm hand come to rest on his shoulder.

"She'll be okay once she sees how healthy you'll be, Steve. Don't worry too much."

* * *

 **She met Peggy! Aaaand, she's not dazzled. Well, she is, of course. Who wouldn't be? But she's insecure, for sure. And I'm sorry if it seems like Peggy hate. I definitely do NOT hate Peggy Carter, but I want to description to be relevant to what the character is seeing and feeling. It's the same with Steve being portrayed as a reckless young guy with a crush- it's partially just due to the fact that she's annoyed with him and cannot see his true motivations. She's not perfect either, right?**

 **Sorry if it's short. I want to keep things moving regularly, even if the chapters aren't all 5000 words. Thanks for the constant support! 3**

 **Also, next chapter we'll get to see big hunky Steve. But will she?**

 **x  
**


	7. Chapter 7

Suzy had failed to convince Steve, and that had hurt.

Perhaps a part of her knew that it was wrong to be angry, and that it was his choice to make. But she brushed that little thought aside with the rest of her nagging anxieties, instead choosing to focus back on Ruth. Well, she tried, at least. The sick feeling in her stomach seemed to stay, no matter how much she tried to distract herself. Which was proving difficult, as she couldn't seem to find either of her friends once she'd stormed away from Steve and Agent Carter.

Later in the evening, after an almost full day without either Ruth _or_ Daisy, she finally found them. They were sitting outside of the lunch hall, alone, eating a small meal together. Well, Ruth was eating, and Daisy was more or less doting on her.

Suzy walked up quietly, softly clearing her throat. "Okay if I join?"

Ruth nodded silently, still looking down at her food, while Daisy smiled up at her encouragingly.

She didn't need to ask, she just knew. Seeing the look on Ruth's face, and the redness of her eyes. Ruth had, no doubt, heard back about her brother. She didn't dare ask, and Ruth seemed to appreciate the distraction of her presence.

The three sat quietly amongst themselves, enjoying the fresh breeze and the clouds that were coming in. Suzy, for the first time in hours, felt like a weight was lifted. She needed to deal with the rolling of her stomach, though.

"So, I had a fight with Steve today."

The two looked up at her, and she shrugged. "He wants to change, and I don't know why. He may not be physically perfect, but he's become such a great person as a result of it. I honestly believe that he was made this way for a reason. I just don't understand, I suppose, why he wants to be different."

Daisy placed a hand softly on hers, "In the end, I know that you don't want to hear this, but it _is_ his choice. Even if it may not always be the right one. And, either way, he's lucky to have a friend like you, Suzy."

Ruth cut in, her voice slightly croaking from underuse, "Yes, he is. But ultimately, he doesn't need to explain why he wants to change to anyone. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, Suze, but it's really not your call who he becomes."

Suzy picked at a piece of grass, sighing, "I guess that I feel like nobody understands- Buck and I, we've always been able to be there for him. But now it feels like that's changed. It's like my opinion has no value to him."

Daisy giggled softly, earning a sharp glance from Suzy. She straightened up, shrugging her shoulders. "Sorry, it's just that you're so, completely wrong. He cares so much about your opinion, it's like he's a puppy following you around. It's not like the rest of us haven't noticed."

Suzy rolled her eyes, pushing her hair back behind her ear. "Yeah, sure, okay. Sure doesn't feel like it right now, though."

"I do have a lot of questions, but I'm only going to ask why was he getting into the car? Did they need him for something?"

Suzy nodded, laying back on the grass. "He's caught up in some kind of… treatment. I don't think that I'm supposed to say anything, but I'm sure you'll keep it private. He's part of some kind of medical trial. Dr. Erskine, the man behind it, believes that he can help Steve grow stronger. So he went with them today, to start the research."

The girls both hummed a small _'Oh.'_ And she understood- it sounded quite alarming. It _was_ quite alarming. She laughed, "I honestly don't know a better way to put it. It shocked me, too."

"He'll be back by tomorrow, right? So that you can see him and say goodbye? Make sure that he's okay- no extra arms or anything?" Daisy was joking, but Suzy froze.

"Suzy, I'm just kidding about the extra arm-" Suzy shook her head, quickly grabbing at Daisy's arm. "No, I know that. It's Thursday tomorrow?"

Daisy nodded, "Yep. Thursday."

She had completely forgotten that they were leaving the next day. She had said her last words to Steve in anger. Now he'd come back (possibly not even) without knowing if she would forgive him. And even though she most definitely was not ready to forgive him, she was sure that she would have to, down the road. Maybe once he came back, alive, and the same. Just without his asthma and a few other things. But she would forgive him, because she really couldn't live a happy life without Steve Rogers in it.

By the Lord, she prayed that by some miracle she'd see him once more, before she left.

* * *

As the girls all lined up at the gate, waiting for Nurse Rossi to dismiss them, one by one, they all held onto one another tightly. They had been waiting all day to find out where they would be sent, and now they were ready to move on to their assignments. By some miracle, all three of them had managed to find themselves on the list of nurses going to the front-lines. This, unfortunately, did not ensure that they would be going to the same location. In fact, the likelihood was incredibly minimal.

The line moved slowly forward, and soon, Ruth was motioned forward by Nurse Rossi. Looking through her list of names, she finally settled on one. "Alperstein, correct?" Ruth nodded, and the older woman cleared her throat. "You'll be down at the 107th Infantry Regiment, in Azzano. You'll be on a flight tonight."

 _The 107th._ That was the regiment that Bucky was in! Suzy was ecstatic- now she could have one of her best gal friends down in Italy to keep an eye on Buck. Especially while he was on the front lines. She paused in her thinking,

"Wait, did you say that the 107th is already overseas _?_ " The look on Nurse Rossi's face was one of distaste, her frown creasing the corners of her cheeks. "Yes, Miss Barnes. And although I'd normally chastise you for interrupting, it's actually quite fitting that you ask. You, too, are being sent to Azzano. Have your bags packed and ready within the hour."

Suzy wanted to squeal, or clap. She was going to see Bucky again- she was going to be back beside her twin- in Italy, no less! It had felt like so long in these weeks apart. As a child, she'd never believed Bucky when he'd joked about their 'twin link' but as she had been apart from him, she was beginning to question if perhaps they _did_ have a link. Life felt much more difficult and confusing without him there to guide her way. _Steve Rogers_ felt more confusing without Bucky there to advise her.

 _Steve._

Suzy'd have to write to him and explain. To remind him that she would love him no matter what crazy decision he made. Even if he'd be worried, he'd probably be so happy for her- joining the 107th had been, since Bucky's departure, a dream for both of them. And she couldn't wait to tell him. She just wished that she could do it in person.

But he was still gone. He had been for over twenty-four hours now, and she felt her heart beat anxiously at the thought. She'd been counting the time all day, waiting to see the black car drive back.

"And you, Miss Carmichael, you will be flying out overseas to Tunisia, where you will be joining a makeshift hospital force. You leave at midnight tonight, and your travel will be three days."

As Daisy approached them, her eyes were wide and her mouth trembled, "They're separating us?"

Ruth had a straight face, but Suzy was instantly running up to the girl, hugging her tightly. "It's only temporary, I'm sure. We'll see each other again, right?" She looked at the blonde's teary blue eyes, and hugged her even tighter. Daisy nodded, sniffling, "Once all of this is over, we will."

Ruth had come up behind them, coming awkwardly into the hug, much to Daisy's happiness. "And they can't stop us from writing. You'll have to tell us all about the sights in Tunisia, Dais."

The blonde giggled, pulling out of the hug.

"Well, we've still got an hour or so together. Let's go get packed and enjoy one more meal together, hey? Until the end of the war, that is."

The other two girls smiled sadly in agreement, all hooking arms as they went back toward their dorms.

* * *

"I'm going to miss you so much, Dais. I want you to write us as much as your write your fella. If not more." Suzy was once again hugging the blonde, but this time, in front of her flight. It was slowly loading an assortment of nurses and soldiers, and she and Ruth were packed and ready, waiting as long as they could before they had to board.

Daisy was a mess, crying and laughing and everything in between. Suzy couldn't imagine how she felt, knowing that she'd be alone while the other two were still going to be together.

Ruth hugged the girl next, whispering something soothing into her ear and getting the young blonde to giggle softly.

"I'll miss you too. Stay safe, and be sure to get Ruth talking to your handsome brother, okay?" Ruth snorted, "You already know that I'm marrying within my faith, Dais."

"So? Doesn't mean you can't have a little bit of fun with a handsome soldier, does it? Besides, Bucky sounds charming."

Ruth laughed, squeezing their friend one more time. The aircraft had been gearing up for the last minute or so, and their time was coming quickly to an end.

"Write to me! And don't do anything rash! Especially not you, Suze!" Daisy's voice called back as they began to climb the steps, and Suzy turned around to wave. "Only if you promise to stay safe!" The blonde waved back, smiling tearfully.

"I'll see you after this is all over, we'll go to Sal's! I've never had a sub before!"

With that, they were hoarded quickly past the last few steps and onto the plane, the senior officer that was joining them calling out one last time before the plane finally roared to life, slowly moving forward on the runway. They didn't get to see her waving them away, but they knew that she'd stayed until she physically couldn't see them anymore.

The two friends had found a relatively comfortable set of seats, the two settled, tired and dreary from their long day. And, of course, slightly uncomfortable as they felt the pull of gravity force them back into their seats.

"Do you think she'll be okay, alone in Tunisia?" It was Ruth who spoke first, shockingly, looking up at Suzy through her lashes. They were still wet from crying, and she sounded congested. Suzy sighed, pulling her legs up underneath herself. "She's a smart girl, she'll make it just as far as you or I could in America. Besides, soon we'll both be overseas with the 107th, and then maybe we'll be near her again."

It was hopeful thinking, but they both accepted it, rather than accepting their loss.

They didn't really chat at all on the way other, instead focusing on the darkness outside of the window. It felt like they rode the plane for days, but they were only heading to Italy. It was probably a few hours at, at most.

They arrived at what was probably around five in the evening, the next day. She was groggy from the lack of sleep, and both her and Ruth trudged behind a group of about fifteen others who were going to be catching their bus from the tarmac. She waved sadly to a few of the nurses that she recognized, and stepped out into the chilly air. The breeze was strong, and at that moment all Suzy wanted was a warm bed to sleep in.

Loading onto the bus, she noticed that she and Ruth were two of four nurses that were to be going in the direction of Azzano. She was positive that they'd be making a minimum of two stops along the way, as they made their way through various camps. The two friends settled down into a cramped seat toward the back of the bus and leaned their heads together.

"If I fall asleep, don't wake me. Unless we're there, of course." Ruth whispered, her eyes already closed. Suzy mumbled a quick "Of course." and the two settled in for a long ride.

* * *

The camp was silent when they arrived, and she was positive that it must be past nine. She and Ruth were both almost unconscious as they dragged their bags through the dust, finally being led to a large tent in which she was positive that they would be staying for only the next few weeks. And then, they'd be shipped off again. To where, she wasn't quite sure.

As the two girls settled into the tent, they continued to stay silent, trying to ignore the Italian heat that seemed to permeate into their bones as they sorted through their small number of personal belongings. Once the last few uniforms were neatly folded, they bid each-other goodnight, smiling tiredly at one another, thankful for the familiar company.

And as Suzy lay sweating in the weakly padded cot, she couldn't help but picture the faces of her closest friends. Firstly, there was Steve, who she was sure that she'd never hear from again- her own fault, of course. And then there was Daisy, who's positivity she missed so desperately. She wasn't so sure that she'd ever see her again, either. It was a fear that she'd never even felt, up until the last few days. Who would come back to New York, once all of this was over?

Maybe, if she was good enough, the Lord would bring them both back into her life. Maybe she'd be able to sit in a New York deli, one day months from then, with the small group of comrades that she'd formed. They could catch up, share their stories and laugh about it. Maybe cry about it. But in her imagination, they'd all be there.

Her rag-tag group of misfits would survive this war, she reminded herself. They were the best people that she'd ever known, and the Devil couldn't keep them down for long. Not if she could help it.

* * *

Suzy should have expected that it wouldn't be as simple as just seeing Bucky the first day there. First there was the process of meeting the various officers that would be leading them (with the ever so joyful Colonel Phillips conveniently being the leader of the infantry, as she had found out early on.) Then they had to be given their proper uniforms and distinctions. Finally, they were guided to the centre of the camp to begin helping the other nurses in setting up the lunch tent.

She couldn't help but stare as she was guided through the camp; the terrain was completely different from what she was used to, and everywhere you looked sat soldiers. Some of the men were laughing with friends, while some sat alone with their heads in their hands. Every once in a while, one of them would catch her looking at them. The quiet ones glared up through their lashes, which left her blushing with embarrassment. The laughing ones, on the other hand, would wink at her. She would blush at those times, as well.

Lunch was grimy, and dishing it up felt like spooning into a pile of sewage, but the soldiers looked more than happy to eat it. She was hoping to catch Bucky in her line of sight as she loaded up the various bowls with food, but was pulled away about half-way through by an older blonde nurse who she was half-sure was named Anne.

"Alright, Nurse Barnes, you're going to be joining a few of the other girls in the dish pit. If you can survive that, you can survive the battlefield." The senior nurse pat her on the back, smiling wryly as Suzy stepped forward to join the chaos of the dish pit.

By the end of cleaning the dishes, Suzy was more than ready to confirm what the blonde nurse had said. She felt like no number of showers could cleanse the filth from her arms. Nor her apron.

Mentally drained, she trudged her way back to her tent after a day of chores. Somehow, this didn't feel a thing like training. It was as if she were brought to Azzano simply as a maid. The other nurses cleaning dishes had assured her that it would pass, that it would only be a day or two of the essential training and then she'd be paired up with her Infantry.

When she'd first heard that she'd be joining the 107th, she'd stupidly assumed that they'd be alone in their camp- the small group of them all bonding around an open fire. But clearly, from the sheer volume of men sitting around, the camp was in the midst of some kind of march against the Germans. The only comfort to her as she finished up with her lacklustre day was the notion that they'd be moving in on the Germans within the next week, as Colonel Phillips had mentioned probably twelve times a day, if not in his sleep as well. Every time that she heard him go on about their plan to 'knock the Germans on their asses' she was half tempted to slam her head into the nearest rock. Seriously, the man did not know how to stop bragging.

As the approached her tent flap, she couldn't help but sigh in relief. Finally, she'd have a moment to herself.

"Suze?"

The voice froze her in her tracks, and she almost smacked herself for not noticing the soldier standing off to the side of her, his larger frame leaning precariously against a car as a nurse giggled from beside him. She'd be so off in her own world, she wouldn't have even noticed someone standing right in front of her.

She was so off in her own world, she hadn't even noticed her own _twin_ , the one soldier that she'd been searching for all day, standing right to the side of her.

He turned to his date, a dumbfounded expression on his face, "I'm sorry, excuse me. Lemme ask, am I the only one that sees that girl standing right there? Brunette, looks like she could be my twin?"

The girl looked over and shrugged, "I see her. Not so sure about the twin part, though." He laughed loudly, asking the girl to hold on for a moment as he ran up to Suzy.

"Well, if my eyes aren't fooling me, I'm gonna need someone to explain real quick why my kid sister is standing here in _Azzano_ of all places." His arms were crossed as he towered over her, and despite the joking tone in his voice, Suzy knew that he wasn't too impressed. "I mean, sure as hell didn't say anything in those letters I've been getting."

"It's nice to see you too, Buck." She rolled her eyes softly, crossing her own arms in return. The twins stood across from one another for a good moment or two, until he was the first to break. Grinning like a hound, he uncrossed his arms and pulled them around her in a bone-crushing hug. "Man, I've missed having your stubborn ass around." She awkwardly hugged him back, enjoying the familiar warmth. "You sound like a sailor, Buck. Seriously, what's with all the swearing?"

He pulled back with a giant smooch on the side of her head, earning a swat to the arm. "Gotta keep my image going here in the army, _Ma_."

She snorted, smiling up at him. "You and I both know that Ma would have kicked you all the way to Kentucky if she'd heard the mouth that you have. You better light a candle and pray tonight, because when we get back home, you're gonna have to control that thing." He laughed and ran a hand through her hair, "Can't you just admit that you've missed me?"

Rolling her eyes, she crossed her arms, "Yeah, yeah. I've missed you too, ya bonehead. Steve has, as well. We talked about you a lot, while you were gone."

He smiled warmly at this, hugging her to his side as he turned back toward the nurse that he'd been flirting with. The girl looked irate at the interruption. He smiled a heartwarming smile and scratched the back of his head, earning him another eyeroll from Suzy. "Sorry, doll. We gotta cut this one short." The girl's eye visibly twitched, but she picked herself back up from whatever slump she was in and smiled charmingly back. "Of course, Bucky. Come find me later, okay?"

He saluted her with a "Yes, ma'am!" and off she went, leaving the siblings alone together. Suzy pulled away from his arm, slapping him weakly on the chest. "You're such an idiot."

"Maybe, but you've got the same genes as me, so you're just as idiotic as I am. It's the law of nature."

Shrugging, she laughed. "I'm not the one who's leading young girls on, Buck. Do you really see her as marriage material?"

"As a matter of fact, maybe I do." She quirked an eyebrow at him and his grin grew tenfold, "I mean, I can't be the last in our trio to get married. It'd be an awful shame."

She should have seen the joke coming, but with the time spent away from her brother, she was defenceless. "Why would you be the last one to get married?"

Grin _still_ growing wider, he winked. "C'mon Suze, make it hard for me here. It's common knowledge that you and good ol' Stevie are going to end up married. In fact, his Ma used to swear on it up and down."

This time, she didn't even reward him with an answer, instead letting out an audible sigh. "You _obviously_ haven't read my latest letter, then." To this, he lifted a brow, reaching around into his back pocket and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. "No, I got it. Don't really see what it has to do with anything, though."

Grumbling, she pulled the piece of paper out of his hands and smoothed it, refolding it for him and handing it back.

"Long story short, Steve is driving me up the wall. He's decided to be independent once again, but it's a death sentence, Buck."

"Yeah, so what's new? Steve is always gettin' himself into situations that are less than ideal. I don't see what's so bad about this." She opened her mouth to reply- to tell him everything that she knew about the serum- but was cut off by the sound of frantic footsteps. Both turning around, they were greeted by the red face of Ruth, her eyes wide as she noticed Bucky.

"Ruth?" Suzy had never seen the girl so out of breath; Ruth was always impeccably held together, to the point that Daisy and Suzy would bother her for it. Now she was crouched half-way to the ground, her arm being supported by her knee as she gasped for breath.

"Suzy! I'm really sorry-" Ruth's voice was raspy and she froze for a moment, coughing to gain it back, "I ran the whole way here. I'm sorry to interrupt- this is Bucky?" He had barely nodded before she was raising a hand in greeting and continuing to speak, "It's nice to meet you, I've heard great things. But as I said," Gasping in air, she stood straight again. "I ran from the other end of the camp to find you. I don't know if you've heard, but Colonel Phillips announced it about twenty minutes ago, and-"

Suzy cut her off, motioning for Ruth to slow down her speech, as she stepped closer toward the taller girl. "Heard what, sorry?"

Ruth's smile was anxious as she looked between the siblings. They both waited for her answer impatiently, a similar expression on their faces.

"We're marching tonight around eight o'clock. It'll be about two hour's travel, but we're going to be meeting the Germans as they try to move further into Azzano. It's going to be an ambush. All soldiers and nurses are supposed to be reporting to their superiors immediately."

Within seconds, Bucky had wrapped Suzy up into a tight hug, pressing an urgent kiss to her forehead before pulling apart. "That's my queue to go. Be safe, okay?" His eyes were wide and his hands tightly clutched to her arms as he stared at her, waiting for confirmation. Nodding silently, she barely managed to utter out a quick "You too. Love you." He smiled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, and replying, "Love you too, Suzy-Lu." And then, he had run off to go and lead his team.

Looking at Ruth, Suzy didn't know what to say. She had known to expect this, but now that they would be seeing the Germans- meeting them head on in the night, she felt her stomach knot and twist. Her friend smiled sadly, coming up and wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her into the tent. "He'll be okay. We'll be okay. But we better get changed, Suze. Don't forget to grab your med-pack."

She looked back at the retreating figure of her twin once more, trying to latch onto their conversation. No matter what happened going forward, at least she'd had the chance to see him again.

"Suzy? Are you alright?" Ruth's voice sounded distant from beside her, and she stared absentmindedly at her for a moment before replying.

"Yeah, I guess so… It seems so sudden. We only just got here, Ruth." She didn't even know where to go, or who to report to. Everything, all of her training and all of the work she'd done, suddenly seemed so minimal. Could she really save a life? What if she wasn't good at this? What if it were Bucky's life in her hands? The thought sent her reeling with nerves. Her hands shook as she double-checked the contents of her medical pack.

Eventually, re-closing and heaving the bag over her shoulder, she followed Ruth out of their tent, looking back. "Are we going to be packing anything other than our medical supplies?"

Ruth shook her head, looking back over her shoulder. "Only our med-kits. It's only the 107th that will be marching out. If things go as expected, we'll be back by mid-day tomorrow."

Suzy nodded, her hands clutching the strap of her bag as she tried to keep pace. Rolling her shoulders and stretching her neck, she tried to breath. They were in for a long walk, and she needed to clear her head. She tried to think of anything at all, to keep her mind clear.

In the end, her stupid little brain settled on the one thing that was stressing her out more than any ambush- the blonde, blue-eyed _punk_ that she'd left behind in America.

Walking faster, she caught up with Ruth, deciding at once that maybe small-talk would be the best de-stressor for her at that given moment. Even if she felt like she might swallow her tongue and choke on it.

Damn Steve Rogers with his damn perfect hair. If she made it out of this, she'd be the first to find him and mess it up. This was the promise that she made to herself as she and Ruth joined a large group of men.

And, as a group, the 107th began what would be a _very_ long night. 

* * *

**Yaaaaas, Bucky is back and ready to party! Sorry to give her so little time in Azzano, but in reality, they had been there long before she arrived. Or, at least, in my reality. I mentioned that I'm not following the script par-on-par, right? Because ain't nobody got time for that.**

 **Thank you all for your lovely reviews. I want to respond to all of them, but honest-to-god I have very, very little downtime and want to continue posting weekly for you if I can. I literally am writing this as I'm at my part-time weekend job. Weekdays, I'm working my full-time job out of town. It's a friggin' exhausting mess but I make do. Writing is a passion, and you all help me to feel like it's actually of some benefit to others!**

 **Anyways, I'm going to start on the next chapter. Hopefully this one was coherent and detailed enough.**

 **Much love, always. x**


	8. Chapter 8

"Dugan, I swear on all that's good and holy on this earth, if you don't stop tryin' to flirt with my sister, I'm going to take that damn hat and shoot a hole straight through it." Bucky's eyes were daggers as he glared at his friend- or, more specifically, the arm that he had around Suzy's shoulder. She awkwardly snuck her way out from underneath it, smiling bashfully at Dugan. "Would you listen to that, Duge? Brother's orders. I guess that means that we're just friends."

Dugan laughed merrily, grabbing at her head and holding it tightly under his arm as he walked. "Sergeant or not, I don't take orders from your brother, sweetheart. But I'll be taking you up on your offer! Friends it is!" She began writhing, pulling away from him and smacking his arm not too softly. Reaching up and smoothing her hair, she glared at him half-heartedly, "Offer rescinded, now that you've ruined my braid. Sorry, Duge. You're out."

He continued to laugh, winking at her. "You're still calling me that nickname, though, aren't ya? I'd say you consider me of _some_ importance."

Rolling her eyes, Suzy crossed her arms and walked ahead, muttering a few choice phrases as she passed him. As she got ahead, she turned around briefly to wink at the still grinning red-head.

Bucky remained behind them, so she walked forward to meet Ruth. But she stopped her pursuit quite quickly though, once she noticed Ruth giggling softly as she walked almost arm-to-arm with a soldier from the 92nd infantry. He was handsome, his features prominent and his smile bright. Ruth seemed to think so, too, by the looks of it.

A portion of the 92nd had joined them earlier on in the day, a small group meeting not far from their camp once they received news of the Germans marching forward. She wasn't sure why more men were needed, as they had quite a group with the 107th alone, but Bucky had been resolute that she was underestimating the strength of the Germans. Apparently, every man and woman was very much needed in order to carry out their ambush on the enemy.

Walking silently by herself, she felt a strange loneliness. Bucky and Dugan had begun to chat behind her, and the other members of the 107th were all either a small distance ahead or behind them, leaving the small group of friends to walk in a relative silence.

She wanted to approach Bucky, but knew that he was bonding with his new group of friends, and she didn't want to interrupt or embarrass him. And there was no way that she would be trying to approach Ruth and her new friend. It was _so_ rare for Ruth to find a man- or anyone for that matter- who's company that she really enjoyed. She'd just have to walk alone, she supposed.

The trudge toward their target location was hard on everyone, and after a while, she heard Dugan start complaining. "Same damn trees and mud, everywhere you look. Feels like we've been walking in circles." Bucky sighed in response, yawning widely. "Mhmm."

Her feet felt like they were on fire, and she actually felt a bit embarrassed. She was in the best shape of her life, following the training exercises that she'd had to go through, yet all she wanted to do was sit and rest for a while.

After another hour or so of Dugan's complaining, and Bucky's continuous single word responses, they finally saw some different scenery. It didn't bring the relief that she had expected, though.

The trees had opened up into a rough-looking field, the ground an uneven terrain of muddy hills and drops. From up ahead, someone whistled, and the group came to a halt at the edge of the forest.

"Wait here, I'm going to go and see what the plan is." Bucky motioned for the group of friends to stay in place as he jogged forward through the throng of soldiers to find out who had whistled. They all stood still, heads craned and ears alert as they waited to hear Bucky return. Dugan began to make some kind of remark, but was quickly shushed as they watched Bucky run back. He stopped in front of the group, hands on his hips.

"Looks like we're gonna be backtracking our steps a little bit, and then we're settling 'till they arrive. Our scout says that, tops, it's going to be an hour."

The company of the 92nd and the 107th all fell back into a group, heading back into the forest in order to allow themselves cover when the Germans arrived. Sitting on the hard dirt, Suzy allowed herself to lean back against her brother's back, the two of them facing opposite directions and chatting absentmindedly as they waited for the attack.

"Remember the first time that we visited the Statue of Liberty? God, we were young. Sarah wasn't even born at that point. She had a couple 'a years to go." Bucky was scratching at a chunk of dirt on one of his boots as she spoke, shaking her softly each time that he moved. She smiled, enjoying the warmth of his back and the familiar smell that he brought with him. "I remember you almost falling into the water, if that's what you mean. You were trying to see her fully and Ma had to grab you by your button-up so that you wouldn't fall in. She ripped almost all of the buttons off, trying to get you back from the edge."

"I think I got a spoon on the ass for each button that came off, that day. Couldn't sit properly for a week."

"It was out of love, though."

He sighed, dropping the stick that he had been using to scratch at the dirt and lazily placing his head on Suzy's shoulder. "I know that. Always have. I'm not mad about it."

She nodded, reaching up to run a hand through his hair and grimacing when she felt the sweat that was on his head. "Yeah, I know. She'd smack you now, if she saw how filthy you are." She snorted, looking at him from the corner of her eye and watching as he rolled his eyes. "And you're not?"

"Shuddup. A lady is never filthy, Buck."

He snorted, sitting up and turning to her, his eyes filled with mirth as he taunted, "A lady? You?"

She glared at him, crossing her arms. "Well, what else would you call me?"

He grunted, grinning coyly. "I'm just gonna put it this way- our buddy Steve is more of a lady than you are, Suze. At least he has manners."

Smacking him, she squinted. "Are you really going to insult Steve like that?"

He motioned to where she smacked him, laughing merrily, "See? Point proven. Steve'd never smack his ol' pal Buck like that."

Smacking him again, she turned back around and crossed her arms, trying not to smile at his stupid jokes.

"Shuddup, Buck."

* * *

The estimate of an hour had been almost perfectly timed, and as Suzy felt eyelids begin to grow heavy, one of the men at the head of their group motioned for everyone to quiet down. Instantly, the group was alert. Bucky gently pulled his back away from hers, motioning with his finger for her to be silent as he stood and walked forward.

It was then, as he walked forward, that she heard the first sounds of the Germans. Voices came in the distance, _"_ _Endlich sind wir aus dem Wald!"_

 _"Halt das Maul, Trottel!"_ Silently, the group waited in their hiding spot, allowing the Germans to come closer to their location.

They sat unnoticed for what felt like twenty minutes to Suzy. It had probably only been a minute or so, before the first line of men in their group began to point their guns through he bush at the oncoming group. She couldn't see the enemy group, but she could hear the footsteps, and they weren't quiet. The German group was large, but looking around, she was positive that theirs was larger.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the first gunshots were fired. They rang in the silence, for a moment, and then the yelling began.

It felt like their group began to move as one, in unison with one another. Men began sprinting out of the tree line, running with vigor toward the opposing group. From the initial gunfire, it seemed like it hadn't stopped. The sound of bullets flying was continuous, as she ran with the group to the clearing.

At some point, Ruth was beside her, tightly squeezing her arm and wishing her safety as she was pulled away to join another portion of the group. And for a brief moment, she felt like things weren't too bad. That they had the upper hand, and here, under the cover of the forest, she could maybe stay safe.

But then she heard the explosions. And not too long afterwards, the screams.

Running towards the screams, she reached the clearing, and her stomach flipped.

It had only been a minute or two, but already, the bloodshed was phenomenal. Men hid behind the bodies of their friends as they aimed their guns, and body parts seemed to lay out in the open, in cratered areas of the earth that had most likely been deformed by the explosions that she'd heard.

To her left she heard groaning, and within seconds- and without much thought- she was running down the hillside and falling to the side of a wounded soldier. Frozen, she stared at his leg. A rough chunk of shrapnel was embedded deeply into it, and blood soaked through his pantleg.

He continued to groan, crying hysterically as he tried to reach for the site. This was enough to push her back into reality, and she held her hand out to stop him, "You're going to be okay, but I need you to keep from reaching for your leg. If you need to hold onto something, just reach for my skirt, okay?"

He stared up at her, tears in his eyes as he whined a pitiful sound. "It- oh god, it hurts so-" He hissed again, crying out. She pulled his hand and loosely clasped it onto the corner of her skirt.

"I need to bandage it. It's not going to feel nice, but you're losing too much blood."

Without hearing his response, she reached into her medical pack and pulled out bandage, ripping a chunk of the fabric off roughly with her teeth. Within seconds, she was working the bandage around the site of entrance, circling it into a donut and tightening it roughly. The soldier howled, pulling at her skirt and writhing, but she held his leg down. Tying the bandage into a tight knot, she lifted her bloodied hand up to his face and grabbed at his cheek. It was clammy with sweat, and she watched as the blood and dirt mixed on his skin.

His eyes were unfocused, and she squeezed at his cheek, waiting for him to look at her. It took him a moment, but once he managed to find her eyes, she stared resolutely at him. "You need to keep pressure on the site. Hide behind anything that you can find, and _keep pressure._ Do you hear me?"

He blearily nodded, staring blankly at her as she instructed him. She had done all that she could do, and with a brief nod, she reached for his hand and squeezed. "You'll be alright." Pulling it from her skirt, she nodded once more, and looked around. Finding a soldier standing not too far, she yelled for him, motioning for him to come forward. Looking around before moving, the soldier ran up.

"Ma'am?"

She pointed down to the man on the ground, looking the new soldier in the eye. "I need you to get him somewhere safe, and keep pressure on his leg. Can you do that?"

Looking around once more, the soldier went to object, but she grabbed his arm tightly. "This man doesn't deserve to die, soldier. He needs your help right now. _Can you do that?_ "

Nodding slowly, the soldier leaned down to help his comrade, and she took this as her queue to move forward. Looking around, she saw a majority of the chaos circulating closer to the center of the field. Swallowing roughly, she began her trek forward.

Getting to the center of the field was difficult, and she was thankful for all of their training. Bullet-fire rained down toward her, but with careful precision she was able to dodge her way through the terrain. Once or twice, she would stop to help injured soldiers get to cover, but otherwise, a majority of the soldiers that she saw on her way over had already passed.

To her relief, a majority of those who had passed were German soldiers.

She kept her eye out, looking to make sure that she didn't see Bucky in the pile of bodies. They made her feel sick; the pile of limbs and empty, hollow faces that stared up at her. At some point, she noticed the tears that had made their way down her cheeks as she passed the face of a young man that she'd served lunch to earlier that day. The amount of bloodshed was staggering.

As she reached the center of the action, she had begun to function without thought. She bandaged missing limbs and bullet wounds until she was out of bandages, and then, she was ripping apart her apron to bandage more.

She was about ready to take the shirt off of her back when she felt the hand grab her arm. Screaming in shock, she twisted around and pushed at the person, but they held on tightly.

If she was lucky, maybe it would have been Bucky or Ruth grabbing her to let her know that the soldier she'd been trying to save was, in fact, dead. But luck would not have it. In front of her eyes stood an angrily spitting man in a German uniform, his mouth moving rapidly as he yelled at her. Pulling her arm, he began to drag her away from her location.

"No, let go! Let go of me!" Suzy screamed desperately as he dragged her into the clearing, where the gunfire continued. Sobbing, she clawed at his hand, trying to force him to let go. With this, he simply hissed and reached around to grab her other arm, successfully trapping her in his grip.

Her heels dug into the ground and she glanced desperately around in the hopes that someone may see them. But it was dark now, and the smoke and fire was blocking her vision. Men continued to yell and shoot, and everything felt like a blur.

Just as he was about to pull her into the opposite end of the tree-line, to what she could only assume would be her death- or something much worse- the explosion came.

The shell must have hit somewhere to their right, and within seconds, his hand was separated from her arm and she was thrown into the air. Heat blasted into her side and she landed roughly on the hard ground somewhere a few feet away. She couldn't catch her breath to even groan, and heaved to try and get air back into her chest. Stinging radiated throughout her body, all except for her right leg.

Her right leg felt like it was being ripped apart, the pain unbearable. With the little air that she'd managed to intake, she let out a guttural moan, trying to lift her head to see what was wrong, but everything seemed to twist and spin as she tried to lift herself up. Nauseous, she heaved, twisting painfully to spit bile onto the ground.

Trying again, she managed to lift herself to a sitting position, sweat dripping from her forehead.

Looking down, she gagged. The flesh of her leg had a gaping hole, the edges burnt. Blood was spilling from the wound heavily, and small bits of shrapnel remained embedded into the flesh.

Sitting there, in the dirt, she tried to focus on anything other than the pain. But the smoke was burning into her lungs and with each cough, the pain flooded up through her leg into her body.

She was going to die there, if she didn't move from where she sat. Alone, off toward the forest, in the dirt with the men that she'd probably failed to save. In a myriad of blood, limbs, and fire. Nobody would find her. Nobody would look for her. How could they? Who would come back to a place as terrible as this?

Tears streamed down her face, leaving tracks where they interrupted the dust and blood. Sobbing, she tried to lift herself up, dropping almost instantly from the sheer pain. Slamming her hand into the dirt beside her, she screamed viciously, trying to drag herself. The dirt and rocks embedded into her nails and palm, but she continued to pull. It was only when she began to gasp for air that she stopped her effort. She'd come a bit closer to the center of the chaos- to where, if she was lucky, Ruth or Bucky might be. They'd help her.

Dragging herself closer, she sobbed, her chest heaving with stumbling breaths. She _would not_ die there, alone in the countryside of Azzano.

After a few more efforts to drag herself, she stopped to try and think. Her head felt foggy, with the smoke inhalation and the pain that radiated up through her body. As she sat, looking around for some kind of crutch, she saw her.

Ruth was running, about twenty feet away, finding cover from bullet fire.

Without a second thought, Suzy began to yell, her arms waving, "Ruth! Ruth, please!"

Through the haze, she saw the other nurse turn her head, looking at her rapidly waving arms and hearing her hysterical screams. It took only a moment for her friend to clue in, before she was looking back to make sure that she was in the clear, and then sprinted over to Suzy's location. She fell beside Suzy, her eyes wide as she looked down at her leg.

"Oh my- no, no- Suzy!" Ruth's hands reached into her pack, searching for bandage, but coming up empty. Shaking, the girl looked down at Suzy, her hands reaching for the site. "Shit, shit!"

If in any other situation, Suzy might have been shocked to have heard her friend use such language, but at the moment, she was trying hard just to see straight. "I need you to help me. You need to find Bucky."

Ruth ran a hand through her hair, which had come lose, and looked incredulously up to Suzy. "You've got to be kidding me, Suzy. You need _medical help_. Let me bandage you up first!" Suzy shook her head, her eyes full of tears as she took in a heaving breath. "Find Buck, please."

Ruth's face was cold as she shook her head. "No, I'm not going to leave you here. I'm sorry, but for once, I'm not listening to your stupid suggestions." Her voice wavered and she pulled her hair behind her shoulder and began to take off her apron. "I'm out of bandages, so this will have to do."

Suzy tried to argue, but a quick glare from her friend silenced her. "Don't go on about it, Suzy. Please, _please_ just let me fix this."

She shut her mouth, and upon Ruth's suggestion, grabbed out and held onto her knee. But as soon as the apron was touching her knee, she let go and tried to scramble away. Ruth was quick to pin her down and continue wrapping, despite her pleading for her to stop.

She hadn't even noticed when Ruth finished, focused instead on her heart pounding heavily in her chest. Her eyes were tightly closed, and it was only when a hand ran itself through her mop of hair that she opened them.

Ruth sat above her, looking down with tears in her eyes. At some point, she must have moved Suzy's head to rest on her lap.

"It's horrible, isn't it?" Suzy knew that she wasn't taking about her injury.

Looking around in the haze, Suzy nodded, swallowing dryly. "How could they have possibly prepared us for this?" Ruth continued, her hand pausing on Suzy's forehead as she looked around angrily. Suzy reached up, her hand resting softly on Ruth's arm. "They couldn't have."

Ruth nodded, looking down and sighing, "I wish I had a pain killer for you."

Suzy shook her head, smiling pitifully, "I was just thinking the same thing."

Ruth snorted, about to reply, when she paused, her eyes staring forward at something in front of them. Suzy leaned up from her position on Ruth's knee, very quickly noticing what had her friend frozen in place.

The lights were blue, and bright. So bright that she squinted her eyes, feeling the pulsating of her head as they grew nearer.

Despite the fact that the screams had long faded out from her focus, she heard them again, their vigor renewed. Slowly turning her head, she watched as the light engulfed men, fading them away into nothing. Perhaps, if she'd been fully conscious, she would have been shocked.

With all that was left of her energy, Suzy turned her head further to the left, staring blearily at the blurred images in the distance. Vaguely, she noticed a figure running toward them. The figure seemed familiar, and even if she may have been hallucinating, she found herself convinced that it must have been Bucky. He'd just about reached her, the Bucky-like figure, when the lights stopped in front of him.

He stared at her, frozen in place.

And then, the lights blinded her.

* * *

Suzy woke up freezing cold, her heart thudding painfully in her chest as she tried to remove her back from the strange frozen surface that it rested on. She tried to lift herself up, but quickly dropped back down again with a grunt. It was as if she were numb, and her limbs heavy. She could barely even lift a finger.

She wanted to look down at herself, to see her legs, to see what was so damn cold, but she could hardly lift her head. Her neck felt like a brick.

Silently panicking, unable to even speak, she laid there. For how long, she wasn't sure, but she remembered similar experiences from her childhood- nights when she'd woken up in terror, and Bucky had joined her in her bed to try and calm her down. Eventually they just ended up sharing the bed, which had prevented the night terrors entirely. But this time, she couldn't scream. And Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

The thought had her feeling nauseous- where _was_ Bucky? Had he made it past the strange lights? And Ruth? She'd only just been with her. Did they both get taken by the Germans?

Dwelling on these thoughts was making her sick to her stomach, but it was all that she could think about. Terrified, she tried with a renewed vigor to move any of her limbs.

As the tingling in her fingers began to subside, she was abruptly stopped by the loud slamming of a door somewhere behind her head. Trying to crane her neck, she unsuccessfully saw nothing but the lights of the ceiling.

Slow, heavy footsteps approached.

"Ah, Fraulein, I see that you are awake again."

Again?

Never in her life had she heard this voice- the thick German accent boomed throughout the room, the speaker confident. His heavy stride and booming voice had her heart beating viciously. Suzy knew very well that no German soldier could mean her well in the middle of this war, let alone while she laid unmoving, possibly restrained- not that she would be able to try and move, anyways.

She wanted to speak to the strange man and ask him where she was, but when she tried to speak, she could only utter out a guttural choking noise.

He laughed obnoxiously, coming forward into her limited visual field. He was short, thick, and apparently some kind of scientist. He most _definitely_ could not be a soldier. No, he just didn't fit the type. Also, the white coat was a dead giveaway.

"No use trying to speak, I'm afraid. This particular strain has a quite _potent_ analgesic effect while it's filtering into the human body. The last few, well, I'm afraid they weren't quite as strong as you. Couldn't even open their eyes. Such a waste, wouldn't you agree?"

 _Strain?_ He was speaking nonsense. What did he mean by strain? And the last few… had he meant _people?  
_  
"Nonetheless, you've outstepped them both, haven't you! Marvelous, marvelous thing. I think that you might be the special one to make it through the whole series! You, my dear, will be the lucky recipient of my hard work!" He smiled down at her, too close for her liking. She felt the warmth of his breath hit her, and wanted to reel back at the sickly, disgusting smell that permeated along with it.

Clapping his pudgy hands together, he walked out of her vision again, making her want to sigh in relief. She heard the click of a recorder, and listened as she began to speak.

"12 Oktober, 9:03 Uhr. Ich bin Arnim Zola, Leiter der wissenschaftlichen Tätigkeit bei HYDRA. Die fünfte Phase meines Serumprogramms beginnt jetzt. Die Zahl zweiundzwanzig hat die letzten vier Phasen der Behandlung mit nur wenigen geringfügigen Rückschlägen außerordentlich gut übertroffen. Analgetische Wirkungen scheinen wie üblich das Ende der vierten Phase zu begleiten. Extreme Anzeichen von Gedächtnisverlust - das Thema befindet sich ständig in Verwirrung. Bemerkenswert ist, dass das Thema von dem ersten Trauma ihrer Ankunft in unserer Basis fast vollständig geheilt ist. Ihre Haut hat wieder einen normalen Farbton angenommen, und nach meiner vorsichtigen Verätzung ihrer Wunden ist die anfängliche Entzündung phänomenal verheilt. Frühere Anzeichen einer Fraktur im linken Bein sind vollständig verheilt, und alle oberflächlichen Wunden waren fast augenblicklich verblasst. Lassen Sie Phase fünf beginnen. Eine Erinnerung daran, dass die erwarteten Nebenwirkungen das beinhalten, was frühere Probanden als "Brennen" bezeichnet haben, sowie Fieber und Halluzinationen. Wenn diese Phase erfolgreich ist, werden wir in den nächsten beiden letzten Phasen vorgehen. Ich werde gespannt sein, ihre Ergebnisse am Ende der Serie mit denen ihres brüderlichen Zwillings auszutauschen. Interessanterweise sind die beiden Geschwister die einzigen, die so lange überlebt haben."

Whatever he had been saying was not good. Not in the slightest. She was trying again to move, to escape. But it was trivial. Not a limb was moving.

After his dictation, he toddled over to the corner of the room, stopping and clicking away at a few things. She heard a clink of glasses, and then a strange bubbling. He laughed quietly to himself, and then came back toward her. As he reached her vision, Suzy began to choke on her own spit, her heart thudding with terror.

In his hand, a large needle sat. And though she had no fear of needles, she was absolutely petrified of the material that sat inside. It was a neon green material, viscous and thick as he pulled back on the plunger.

"Shall we?"

And with that, he grabbed at a thin piece of clear tubing, smiling and inserting the needle right in. Within seconds, the green liquid was flowing down the line, to what she could only assume was _her._ Bile rose into her throat- an almost comforting feeling in the midst of the paralysis that was holding onto her like a vice.

After all of this- all of the anger, and confusion, and denial- she had been so adamant with Steve that she would _never_ allow someone to change her. So adamant that she'd never allow herself to be chemically enhanced or experimented on. And now, she watched as a man whom she'd never met allowed her to be drugged and tested on. Tears budded in her eyes, but she blinked them back, trying to remain strong.  
 _  
_And then, after a moment of waiting in terror, the burning began. So strong that she wanted to scratch at her flesh- to rip it off of herself like some kind of clothing. But she couldn't.

She couldn't even scream, as she felt it move into her chest and throughout her body. All she could do was close her eyes, and wait for it to stop.

The tears rolled freely, now.

* * *

With a frantic breath, Suzy ripped up from her cot. Crazed, like an animal, she looked around the room. The same army green that she had grown so used to stood out. And as she looked around further, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Behind her sat Ruth, asleep in a chair.

Taking a heaving inhale, she moved her shaking hands through her hair, feeling the soft curls cascade against her back.

This bed, it felt suffocating.

Turning back around to Ruth, she shook at her knee softly, waking her. She didn't want to, seeing the exhaustion that was so obviously present in her friends face, but she had to.

"Ruth? Hey, Ruth?"

The older girl let out a humming noise, blinking slowly as she woke up. Looking at Suzy, she instantly sobered up, reaching her hand out and placing it overtop of the one sitting on her knee. "Suze, are you okay? Another nightmare?"

Suzy pulled her hand softly back, wrapping both arms around herself and nodding lightly. "Yeah, but that's not why I woke you up. I, uh, I need help getting my crutches. I've got to _go._ "

Ruth nodded, quickly standing and stretching, before walking across the room and grabbing at the pair of crutches that laid against the tent wall. "I don't know that _idiot_ decided to put these here, but I swear…" Suzy giggled, waiting patiently as they were brought over. "I think that might have been Buck. Sorry, Ruth. I didn't want to wake you. You should go lay down in your bed."

Ruth scrutinized her, crossing her arms. "Are you positive? Do you need any help?"

Suzy sighed, smiling awkwardly at the now-familiar question as she moved the covers off of herself and turned to face the bedside table. "No, thank you. I'll be okay. I have to get used to taking care of myself, eventually."

"Not if the Cap has any say in it."

Suzy looked up and met her eyes, quirking her eyebrows. The older girl smirked softly before clearing her throat and turning to get to her bed. "Only kidding."

Ruth probably hadn't missed the way that she didn't look down at herself as she moved the covers, nor the way that she kept her eyes upward as she reached for the crutches and lifted herself to stand.

She couldn't bare to look, not yet.

The memories of her experience were fuzzy, and perhaps that was for the best. The first few weeks that she'd spent there, she didn't remember at all. She didn't want to. But the later ones- when Zola had reached the final stages of his experiment, _those_ she remembered.

* * *

Cold sweat ran through her hairline and down her neck, causing her to involuntarily shiver.

It was almost over, the now-familiar scientist had told her. His beady eyes had been shining as he greeted her, finally noticing some improvement in her memory.

She didn't know how long they'd been holding her there, but from the small hints she received from the man, it had been a while. Not that she remembered any of that- no, those days were lost to her. Days that she'd never get back, and for that, she was actually thankful. Many couldn't consider themselves as lucky, she was sure. Not when in the hands of the monstrous HYDRA scientist.

That word, HYDRA, it had come to mean something in her mind. At first, it had sounded like someone talking nonsense- a secret operation, perhaps, or maybe it was a foreign word that she'd never heard before? Some kind of strange German phrase?

But it was with pride that Dr. Zola had brought his superior, Johann Schmidt, into the operatory, announcing with gusto that he was close to uncovering HYDRA's greatest weapon. He was so, so close apparently.

Schmidt had clapped the scientist on the back, mumbling words in a thick accent.

"HYDRA will benefit greatly from the likes of you, Arzt Zola. Imagine the chaos that we will bring to the war-front. Victory is just around the corner, and soon, we will have a new world order. Protected and maintained by a new breed of super soldier."

That was what they were doing, after all. She'd figured it out, over a period of time, laying as she listened to Dr. Zola ramble on.

Injecting, studying, writing notes, and then injecting more into her. All in the vain hopes that she'd become some kind of slave to them- a strong, formidable soldier that could do their bidding. But they failed to acknowledge that she'd be _damned_ if they'd ever get that out of her. If this organization managed to change her into something that she was not, Suzy would take the gun that they'd hand her and end it herself.

She didn't know much about their organization, but she knew that she would never serve it.

Besides, she wasn't sure that Dr. Zola really _had_ succesfully done anything to change her. She didn't feel much different. And perhaps that was because she felt very little at all. It seemed like she would only ever feel pain, now-a-days. Or, if she would be so lucky, she'd be numb.

He hadn't let her sit up, yet. She'd taken to counting the ceiling tiles each day. The number never changed, but it kept her busy.

Then he'd come in, with another syringe, and she'd be taken to another dimension entirely. One where time had no relevance, and every moment her muscles would twitch in the effort to keep her alive. Her heart would give out entirely, one of these days. She was sure of it.

Who was she kidding- she hoped for it.

Multiple times she'd tried to ask about Bucky- had anyone seen him? Was he there? But the doctor had ignored her entirely. Or maybe he just didn't understand her slurring.

Ruth, Bucky, Dugan. Were they there, stuck on tables like slabs of meat? Or were they already gone- perhaps the previous _subjects_ that he'd uttered on about.

Or if they were lucky, they were safe, back at the camp, trying to find her.

She tried not to get her hopes up.

A loud slam of the door suddenly interrupted her thoughts, causing her to swallow thickly. Unfamiliar footsteps clattered around her head, causing the constant aching that had resided there to arise and ignite. She squeezed her eyes shut, praying that the noise would stop.

Then, a familiar set of footsteps entered the room.

"Herr Haufner, you don't have jurisdiction to enter my lab."

Zola's voice sounded acidic, and she strained to her the other person speak. But they simply stormed out of the room, slamming the door on their way out. She winced, trying to keep her eyes closed in the hopes that Zola would leave her be. But he must have noticed her movement.

"Ah, I'm quite sorry about that, fraulein. Herr Haufner is quite ignorant. He seems to believe that I practice some kind of witchcraft. How silly a thought!" He laughed jovially, coming to stand in front of her.

Something piqued his interest, and though she could barely feel, she watched as he reached his arms out and began to move around parts of her body. He poked and prodded for a while, often looking up at her for a reaction. Once he was satisfied with what he was doing, he came to stand in front of her.

"You seem much more lively today, Fraulein. Tomorrow we begin the final phase of your treatment, but today, you must rest. Allow me to guide you."

Within moments, he had injected her with more chemicals, forcing her vision to become increasingly fuzzy.

* * *

The 'final phase' of Zola's torture ended up being more-or-less a final _week_. A long, torturous week of writhing around; the numbness had left her, and though she could hardly move her limbs, her whole body had clenched, tense on the table that she'd been laid on. The days dragged by, and she was left alone, shakily breathing as her muscles squeezed and relaxed over and over, and over. It was torture.

She'd seize up every couple of hours, shaking violently until the warmth would return, soaking her limbs in a scalding liquid-like feeling.

In the final hour, she finally managed to open her eyes. Dried blood caked her nose and lips, and sweat had coated her, making her eyes sting.

She wanted to look around, wanted to stand up and run away from this table, but couldn't.

The final pangs of pain hit the hardest, leaving her screaming until her throat felt raw. Nobody came to check in on her. Fully convinced that she would die alone, she sobbed, her haggard voice sounding foreign to her ears.

And then, it stopped.

The ache became dull, and the tingling subsided. Slowly, the feeling returned to her limbs.

All but one.

Her right leg simply didn't have feeling.

* * *

Looking down at the _stub_ that remained, Suzy felt her stomach twist.

How could she ever help anyone as a cripple? A crippled nurse? It wouldn't work. They would probably send her home as soon as she was healthy enough to leave.

She used her crutches to lift herself from the toilet, grimacing at the disgusting smell that permeated the room. Hobbling forward, she winced with discomfort as she ungracefully guided herself back toward her tent. She could barely manage to get anywhere, these days. This was her reality, though, and she'd be damned if she wasn't still thankful; she'd been given the chance to live, unlike many of the soldiers that had been taken, and damn straight she'd make the use of it.

Maybe that's why she suddenly couldn't seem to stop herself from leaving hints when she was around Steve.

Nobody could deny that the new Steve Rogers was handsome- unbelievably so. But more importantly to her, he was still _Steve._ Despite everything that had happened, and despite all of her hesitations, he came back and proved himself to be the same, lovable doofus.

Back in the training camp, she had been so hard on him for wanting to join the super soldier project, and though she stood by many of her initial statements, she knew that she could no longer hold onto that bitterness. After all, he had taken the risk and it had paid off, tenfold.

Without the serum, she'd still be stuck in a HYDRA facility, up high in the mountains, lost to the world.

So now she was simply working on being happy for him, and enjoying their time together, before she'd inevitably be shipped back home. After all, Steve had accomplished a great deal with his new body- he was _Captain America_ \- the hero that had rescued the 107th, and singlehandedly changed the direction of the war. He deserved to be celebrated- not that he would allow anybody to celebrate him.

When she'd first gained consciousness after the rescue, he'd been _so_ adamant that she not thank him. But she had, over and over again.

* * *

"Jesus, Mary, and the Holy Ghost! Steve, I'm gonna need you over here _now._ "

Bucky's voice cleared through the fog of her mind, sounding so close. But Suzy knew better than to believe it- she'd heard his voice every day for the last- how long _had_ it been? The final phase, as Zola had called it, had lasted forever. Hallucinations, seizures, vomiting. She'd never been so sick. But it was finished, now. Now she only needed time to heal- as Zola had so happily told her. He was ecstatic; never, he had assured her, had anybody made it _so_ far in his program.

If she could move, she would have throttled the disgusting excuse for a man.

Opening her eyes a sliver, she squinted up into the light. Slowly, she moved to look beside herself, and there he stood. Her Bucky, back to visit her for another evening of solitary confinement on her cold, metal slab.

He looked at her with wide eyes, and she reached out for him, trying to feel the dirty fabric that covered his chest. It was ripped.

Wait- imaginary Buck _never_ wore clothes like these. He wore a uniform, in her mind's eye. A grin covering his face as he chatted with her.

This Bucky _couldn't_ be him.

With a renewed vigor, she lifted her hand and grabbed onto his sleeve. She needed to know.

"It's okay now, Suze. You're okay. Just stay with us, 'kay?"

She nodded, staring up at him with now wide-open eyes. His voice brought tears to her eyes, and she let out a haggard sob as she squeezed her grip on his arm. Instantly, he was right in front of her, his hands on her face, analyzing her. Running a hand softly over her forehead, he placed a soft kiss onto it. "You're a mess, that's no joke, but that sick bastard sure as hell made sure to bandage you up."

She nodded, reaching up absentmindedly and touching at the various bandages on her face. The injuries she'd actually given _herself_ , she mused, had been bandaged carefully by the scientist. She'd clawed at her flesh, and slammed her head into the table during the fifth phase. And then, again, in the sixth.

"He didn't want to lose another one." Her voice sounded foreign to her ears, and she could see from Bucky's wince that it didn't quite sound right to him, either.

Suddenly, a loud bang was heard, and both siblings looked quickly to the solitary window that sat in the room. Bright lights lit up the night, and Bucky let out a breath.

"Son-of-a-bitch. They're early." He looked around, analyzing the room that she was kept in. "We're gonna need to get you out of here, fast." Hesitantly, he looked down at her leg. "You can't…"

Clueing in, she winced. "Not with my leg, no." It came out as a whisper, and she watched his reaction as she spoke.

He nodded, his jaw tensing as he stared down at it. It made her feel sick, seeing his face. She hadn't really had much of a chance to come to terms with what had happened, and honestly, she had been trying extremely hard to keep her eyes ahead and her mind clear from thinking about her missing limb. The first time she'd seen it, she'd thrown up. She was sure that if she looked down at it now, she probably still would.

"Steve's on his way, just finishing up out there. You hold on, and we'll get you out of here. I'm not really in a state to be carryin' you." He froze for a moment, before grinning coyly, "Not that you'll complain, I'm sure, once you see Stevie. Whatever they gave him sure as hell worked."

She rolled her eyes, smiling softly at the familiar grin on her brother's face. Never in her life had she been so happy to hear him joke. "I'll believe it when I see it."

As if on cue, the sound of footsteps approaching rapidly had Bucky turning around, looking behind her head.

"Buck! I heard you yelling- did you find…" Steve froze in the doorway, and thought Suzy couldn't see him from her spot, she was so thankful to hear his voice.

"You're gonna need to carry her, Steve." Bucky didn't say more than that, but her heart constricted when she saw him motion to her leg.

Slowly, the footsteps approached, until a large figure came into her sight. And _by God,_ she was shell-shocked.

Like the graceful woman that she was, she began to choke on her own spit, causing both boys to reach over and sit her up. Steve began patting her back a little harder than she would have preferred. He hadn't realized his own strength, she was sure.

Looking at him, she blinked, her eyes wide. She couldn't stop staring, noticing every little detail about him. This man, how could he even exist? If she hadn't seen his eyes, so filled with concern, she would have been convinced that he was a complete stranger.

"I honestly have no words for this moment." She laughed breathlessly, looking back at Bucky's grin with wide eyes and then back to Steve.

Steve rubbed at the back of his head, blushing. "I didn't really, either." Instantly, he looked her over, focusing in on her leg, and she wished in that moment that she had something to cover herself with. She felt hideous.

His face set into a frown, and the room sobered quite quickly as the three evaluated each other.

"Not that I'm not happy with this reunion or anything, but we need to get the hell out of dodge, kids." Bucky was the first to break the tension, walking over to Steve and pushing him forward. "Like I said, you're the muscles of this operation."

Even with Bucky's joking demeanor, she could see the tenseness of his stance, and the looks that he kept on sending her way. Her brother was properly shaken. What had happened to him, she wasn't sure, but it mustn't have been anything good from the way that she watched him limp. He was paler than she'd ever seen him, before. And even though he tried to cover it, she could see the blood that stuck to his hands. The burn marks on his temples.

She was so focused on Bucky, she barely noticed Steve approaching, until he stood right in front of her. "Are you alright if I pick you up, Suze?"

She blinked, nodding at him softly. "I don't think that we have much of an option, soldier."

He nodded, leaning down and helping her to the side of the table, until he was able to reach an arm under her legs and lift her. As if she were made of feathers, he adjusted her weight, not a bead of sweat on his face.

"Are you comfortable?"

She leaned her head against his chest, which was noticeably less bony than before, and sighed, "Compared to that table, this is heaven."

He swallowed loudly, and she looked up at him, watching his cheeks grow red as he looked down at her. Smiling softly, he nodded and turned to Bucky. "You good to go, Buck?"

Bucky snorted, crossing his arms, "Let's burn this hell-hole down with that _doctor_ asshole inside of it."

Steve began to walk forward, and Bucky followed as quickly as he could behind him, eyeing the room one last time in disgust. Looking back at her, he smiled gently, coming forward and squeezing her hand.

Everything was going to be okay, now.

* * *

The escape, their encounter with Schmidt, Steve almost dying, all of it ended up being a whirlwind. She barely remembered their journey back to the camp- Steve's chest had been warm and comforting, putting her into a pleasant sleep. Despite the amount of time she'd been unconscious in that lab, she hadn't really managed to get a decent amount of rest up until that point.

Dugan and Ruth had been there, too. They both looked terrible, barely keeping themselves in order as they trudged along with the group. Suzy had started to cry when she saw them, and Ruth wasn't too far behind. The girls had a strange reunion, hugging tightly despite Suzy being in Steve's arms. Ruth was barely intelligible, analyzing Suzy's leg with horror, asking what had happened. She'd simply told her that she didn't know, that she'd woken up that way.

This wasn't really acceptable for her friend, but she tightly nodded, anyways.

Dugan had tried to joke, but in reality, she could see the exhaustion in his features. He didn't have much left to give.

When they'd gotten back to camp, the crowd forming around them, she had wanted to disappear. And luckily, as she curled into Steve's chest, she managed to gain some reprieve. Of course, until they were all taken for medical treatment.

Peggy had been there, too. On their walk back, Steve had told her everything that had happened- his experience receiving the serum, the death of Dr. Erskine, his time touring and performing. He also told her about when he'd found out about their disappearance, and the friends that had helped him get to the HYDRA facility. After hearing about Peggy's assistance, she didn't find herself looking at the British woman in disdain. Without her, she wouldn't be back where she was supposed to be. So, with a thankful heart, she hugged the woman, thanking her for all of her work.

And Stark, apparently, had helped as well. That had come as a shock to her. She hadn't met him, yet, but she knew that she wanted to thank him.

Things slowed down, after that. Suzy spent time recovering, sleeping, trying to get some food into her system. Soon, they told her, she'd have to start physiotherapy. The thought of which nagged away at her mind, and she was hesitant to begin. Decidedly, she put her focus into the moment that existed, not into the future. The future could wait.

She spent a _lot_ of time with her friends, all of them not quite ready to recount their time in captivity. Maybe one day, they'd all be able to move on. But the wounds were still too fresh.

Then, there'd been Steve. Every single moment that her and Bucky were awake, he seemed to find his way to them. If they needed food, water, or a hug, he'd be there. Not that Bucky went about asking him for hugs, of course. But she, on the other hand, took full advantage of their time together.

Almost dying had a way of making you realize what you had missed. And she'd missed her two best friends very, very greatly.

They laughed about old memories, letting themselves relax and enjoy the good company. Not that it ever lasted for long, of course, as Steve was often called away to speak to someone or another. Although, he was never gone for long.

She didn't mind, really, as long as she was close to her brother.

She did hear Bucky's side of the story, that much she needed to know. It was similar to her situation. As soon as Zola had realized that there were twins in his new _batch_ of experiments, he'd been quick to grab them up. And while she had been on her table, Bucky had been in one just a hallway down, getting similar injections. He hadn't been given the same treatment- often being tied down and shocked. Apparently, unlike her, he'd been extremely uncompliant.

He'd always been the stronger of the two, and that was clear by his speedy recovery. Although, he admitted quietly to her one night that he felt the strange green liquid had something to do with it.

More so than ever before, she wanted Zola to burn. He was truly, grossly inhuman. Just like Schmidt, and everyone else who worked for HYDRA.

* * *

 **That's that! :) Thanks for your patience, everybody. This was a LONG ass chapter, and I actually held a lot back during the final edit. Not sure how much I love it, but it's what I made and I'll stick by it. Hopefully it's coherent! I might have been a teensy, weensy bit high while writing half of it... ;)**

 **Also, the translation for Zola's spiel (nothing exciting, but if you're curious...) is below:**

 **"October twelfth, 9:03 AM. I am Arnim Zola, head of scientific operations at HYDRA. Phase five of my serum program now commencing. Subject number twenty-two has surpassed the last four phases of the treatment exceedingly well, only with a few minor setbacks. Analgesic effects seem present, as per usual, accompanying the end of the fourth phase. Extreme signs of memory loss- the subject is consistently in a state of confusion. Also to note, the subject has almost fully healed from the initial trauma of her arrival to our base. Her skin has returned to a regular hue, and following my careful cauterization of her wounds, the initial inflammation has healed phenomenally. Previous signs of fracture in the left leg have healed completely, and all superficial wounds were very near instantly faded. Allow phase five to begin. A reminder, that the expected side effects include what former subjects describe as 'burning' as well as an onset of fever, and hallucination. If this phase is successful, we will proceed in the next two, final phases. I will be curious to exchange her results with that of her fraternal twin, at the end of the series. Interestingly, the two siblings are the only two to have survived this long."**


	9. Chapter 9

Explosions shook her nightmares each night. Loud sounds and bright lights and tears on her cheeks.

Suzy was exhausted.

But it was even more exhausting trying to make things seem even remotely _okay._ And she was frustrated with this, because things _should_ have been okay. She should have felt blessed beyond belief to be alive.

But she felt sick every time that she sat and put on a mask of ease. Everyone probably knew that she was lying through her teeth when she said that she was "fine" or reassured them that "I'm definitely on the mend!" They threw her looks, when they didn't think she'd notice.

Or maybe she was just overthinking it.

The anxiety was getting to be too much, and each night, as Ruth came back into the tent and gave her a tight hug (as if she was afraid that Suzy might just disappear) all Suzy wanted to do was bury her head into Ruth's shoulder and scream at the top of her lungs. She felt both suffocated and unbearably alone at the same time. Was that even possible? She spent a lot of time considering this- trying to figure out how she felt. So far, this was the best explanation that she had.

Laying in her bed each morning, she felt drained. She was terrified to sleep- but it was almost just as unbearable trying to stay awake. The anxiety crept into her body when she was alone, branching out and settling heavily on her. But there wasn't any way to push it away, it didn't seem to leave.

She was sick of being terrified.

So, after the third day of being trapped in her tent, Suzy made the conscious decision to try and move on. And maybe the doctor had told her it was 'healthier' to open up about her experience with HYDRA, but no matter, she would bury her memories down and away. If she buried them so deeply down, maybe they would just disappear altogether.

This was her burden to carry, and she wouldn't trouble someone else with the task of helping her pull the weight.

Of course, she told herself that.

And would you believe, her mask of indifference didn't last long. But it _did_ last long enough to get her through the next week.

"Can you imagine my shock when, not _once,_ has my poorly sister asked for me? I'm insulted, really."

Bucky's presence in the room made her rub at her temples, and she glared up at him through her lashes, "I'm not in distress, Bucky. You need your rest, too."

He snorted, spinning in a circle with his arms lifted, "I'm golden, sister! Never felt better, really!"

She smiled up at him, shaking her head. "Idiot."

"Yeah, well we share genetics, so I guess that makes two of us." He sat down at the end of her bed, accidentally clipping at her injured leg. Despite how much the limb had healed, she still hissed and jumped back, moving her legs to the far end of the bed. "Watch it!"

His eyes focused in on her legs under the covers, "I thought the doctor had cleared you up as fully healed?"

She felt her face heat up, "He did, but I don't want anyone, I don't know, touching it." Shrugging, Suzy felt her heart pump heavily in her chest as she watched her brother analyze the covers. "Are you dressed under there?"

She blinked, "What?"

"Are you wearing pants?"

She blanched, "A skirt, but-" He stood and pulled her covers from their nicely tucked position at the end of the bed. She tried to stop him, jumping up to grab at them, but he'd already pulled them up to reveal her gnarled ankle.

She tried to pull her legs to her chest, but he grabbed at her knee and held it there, still analyzing. She felt so terribly uncomfortable, and wished that she had more strength to kick him away. He looked up at her, "Do you always fight the doctor like this as well?"

Guffawing, Suzy reached up and smacked at his arm. "Let me go, Bucky!" He quirked a brow, and she let out a highly unladylike noise, "I'm serious, you brute! The doctor doesn't _force_ my legs to stay in one place, and he doesn't stare at me like I'm some kind of circus attraction!"

He lifted his arms in surrender, stepping away from her to dodge the kicks that she was lazily sending his way. "Okay, okay. I'm backing off."

She felt burning shame as her eyes began to tear up, and in a pathetic attempt to hide her humiliation from her twin, she let out a deep breath and laid down, twisting on her side. Facing away from him, she pulled her blanket up to cover her shoulders, huddling into the warmth.

A footstep came toward her, but then faltered, "Aw, jeez. I'm sorry, kid. I didn't mean to upset you."

She sniffled, shaking her head. "Well you did."

In retrospect, she was being quite childish, but at that very moment she felt justified in making Bucky feel guilty. He had _no_ right to embarrass her in such a way. She was barely even comfortable looking at herself in that moment, let alone showing anyone else the monstrosity of scar tissue that had taken over what remained of her lower leg.

After a moment, he let out a heavy sigh, coming over and tucking the sheet back into the edge of her bed. Then, coming up to her shoulder, he sat down, his side digging softly into her back as she laid pitifully, staring at the wall. A warm hand came to rest on her head, and with surprisingly gentle force, he began to run his hand through her hair. "You know I don't care, right?"

She stayed silent, feeling a tear roll down her nose. "I could never care about how you look, Suzy. Hell, you could have horns sprouting out of your forehead and I'd still see you as nothing less than perfect." He laughed, his hand pausing on her head, "Okay, maybe not perfect. You're a right nightmare when you decide to be, but you know what I mean."

She shook her head, feeling more at ease as she felt him begin to run his hands through her hair once more. "I know that, Buck."

"Yeah? Then why are you so worried that you're gonna scare me off?"

She shrugged her shoulders, slowly coming to twist so that she was facing him, "Dunno. I can't explain it, Buck. It's just that, looking at it- at my leg- it brings up bad memories. It feels wrong. How does someone grow up with a part of themselves for so long, just for it to be gone one day? It's not all black-and-white. I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel."

Bucky pushed at her shoulder, and she looked at him in puzzled silence, he motioned her over. "Move over, I'm getting in."

She laughed, "You're not serious?"

He nodded, "Dead. Now move your big ol' bum over so that I can actually fit."

Rolling her eyes, Suzy shifted over to the edge of the bed. "And if someone walks in?"

"Well it's not like I'm your date or anything, am I? God, that's sick, Suze." She snorted with laughter, and he smiled joyously at the sound. "I still got it, eh?"

"Shuddup."

He squeezed himself closely beside her, reaching his arm out and allowing her to rest her head on it. He used his other arm to rest his own head on, and the two stared up at the tarp above their heads.

"What a mess this is, and we volunteered. A sore bunch'a suckers we are."

She didn't feel the need to respond; Bucky knew how she felt. He always knew. She felt silly for even questioning their connection, or his understanding.

"Does it hurt, Buck?"

"Hmm?"

"I saw the burn marks, when we left. I saw the burns and the bite marks that bruised your lips. What did they do to you?"

He tensed up, and then let the pressure leave his body with a heavy sigh. "I would be lying if I said that I know, myself. You had your table, and well, I had a chair. This big, ugly old thing that they strapped me into. It's all chopped up in my head, like I can't quite piece the whole thing together. I don't know how I got there, or what I said to them. I remember bein' angry, and then it's all gone. And I...I know that they stuck my body with so many damn things- that green liquid, you know what I'm talkin' about, I remember that. God, it hurt like a bitch." His voice shifted as he began to talk about the pain, and he shuddered a breath. "Just like you, I'm not too keen on talkin' about it."

"I understand."

He took another heavy breath, and looked down at her, " _But_ , I know it's important to talk about the hard parts. Because what they did wasn't right, and if we let it eat away at us, then we're letting 'em win." His eyes stared into hers heavily, and she pursed her lips.

"What if I'm not ready to talk about it?"

Bucky shrugged, using the arm behind her head to squeeze her head toward him into a tight hug. She giggled, pushing him away and looking up at him. Her brother met her gaze and grinned, winking at her fondly, "I'll be here when you are."

Smiling at him, she reached up and gave him a lazy kiss on the cheek, "Love ya, Buck."

"Love you too, Suzy-Lu."

Given the time to open up a bit with her brother, Suzy had been able to finally start to come to terms with what had happened.

And despite repeating the facts over and over and over again in her head, they didn't quite seem real. And maybe it'd be better for her if she pretended that none of it really was real. She could almost lay her head back, close her eyes, and pretend. But of course, she'd have a few silent moments of darkness before unwanted images would flood into her mind.

 _Zola, Schmidt, bright green fluid travelling toward her, screams, that goddamn table._

 _Her leg._

 _The nearly unrecognizable soldier that had carried her in the cold, back to the camp. The fact that, despite everything in her gut telling her that he could not possibly be her young, scrawny, endlessly stubborn boy from Brooklyn, his eyes betrayed any question that it was him._

 _His blue eyes, holding back tears._

Shuddering out a breathe, Suzy sat up abruptly from another restless night in her cot. Cold air bit at her ears and she pulled the covers around her shoulders, hunching over and silently sobbing. She reached for her leg, feeling at the empty air where her ankle used to be and blinking back the heavy onslaught of tears.

Moving the mentioned appendage, she tried to ignore the missing sensation where her foot should have hit the edge of the cot.

Silently trying to regain some sense of calm in the beating of her heart, she ran her hands through her messy locks of hair and shut her eyes tightly. Over and over again, she repeated the mantra that Bucky had taught her.

 _My name is Suzy-Lucille Barnes. I am the sister of James Buchanan Barnes. I'm a nurse in the US army. My best friend is Stephen Rogers. I grew up in Brooklyn, New York. My name is Suzy-Lucille Barnes..._

The words repeated in her mind, and she focused heavily on them as they did. Her muffled sobs subsided, and she rubbed at her eyes with the rough cotton of her blanket, trying to ignore the scratching sensation that the material left underneath her eyes. Part of her was insistent that she'd done enough crying, but the other part of herself wanted to wallow in self-pity.

Her friends, bless them, were trying to help. Heck, they'd been through their own hardships, and she was positive that their constant efforts to create conversation we partially so that they could be distracted from their own horrible memories. But she didn't want to talk, not really.

Suzy wanted to be normal again. She wanted to be like all of the other girls, able to get up out of bed every morning in order to start prepping for the day. Able to cook and clean and twirl and run and dance and, god dammit, able to stand in the shower and bathe. Actions that she'd taken for granted up until that point.

Sniffling pitifully, she pulled herself to the corner of her cot, grabbing at her crutches and- with a careful check to confirm that Ruth was soundly asleep- she came to stand as quietly as she could. She grabbed the rough green blanket from the corner of her cot, pulling it sound herself and covering her nightgown.

Hobbling out of the tent and into the cold, she sighed softly, feeling the cool breeze of the wind smack at her face in what could only be considered refreshing after her day spent stuck in her cot.

"Nurse Barnes, you really should be wearing a fleece." The British accent came softly from beside her, and she froze, closing her eyes tightly as if to pretend that she was alone.

"Don't worry, I won't be alerting anyone that you've escaped your tent." Agent Carter's voice was warm, unlike Suzy had really ever heard from the Brit, and she opened her eyes, looking cautiously at the woman that had come to stand beside her. "You make it sound like I'm on house arrest, Agent."

"Peggy, please. My friends call me Peggy."

Red-painted lips smiled at her, and she swallowed heavily, adjusting her stance and looking back ahead. How could Agent Carter consider her a friend? She had done nothing kind enough to warrant such a title. Suzy shook her head and cleared her throat, "Yes, well, I don't really believe that we've acted much like friends in this past few months, do you?"

Perhaps that had been her fault.

Of course, that's what Suzy knew she should say. Maybe she should have even apologized. Maybe, just maybe, she should even admit that perhaps she had been a bit hard to befriend- standoffish, you might say. But, like any well-trained Barnes, she was too stubborn to take all of the blame. Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she told herself that the British woman had been just a bit too sly with her from the first day that they'd met.

That was, of course, another notion that she diligently tried to convince herself to be true.

Yet, she couldn't deny that the agent seemed much less intimidating now. Her shoulders seemed relaxed, and her lips were quirked upwards, yet to have fallen down into a frown or a pout despite Suzy's not-so-joyous disposition.

As if to further confirm Suzy's thoughts, Peggy laughed from beside her- a soft, smooth sound. "I don't suppose so. I've never been much good at making friends, if I'm quite honest. But somehow a part of me feels that there has always been something deeper about me that has you alarmed. In fact, I'm not quite sure it has much to do with me at all."

If Suzy could have crossed her arms, she would have. But they stayed where they were, uncomfortably perched over top of her crutches. She snorted, eyeing the agent. "Is that so?"

"Yes, quite so. I didn't became an agent through a lack of observation skills, you know." Suzy smirked, now beginning to enjoy the banter of the woman beside her. Never in her life had she seen a woman so unafraid to speak her truth. It was strangely... charming.

Turning more-so toward her puzzling companion, Suzy studied her. She couldn't seem to stop herself, and soon the words began to tumble out. "I never doubted that you weren't observant, Agent Cart-"

"Peggy."

 _"Peggy._ I never doubted your observation skills. I trust that you see a great deal more than most do. But I do need to ask you for a favor."

Peggy held her arms behind her back and smiled, her eyes twinkling. "Well, I'll do my best."

Suzy nodded, looking down at the ground ahead of her. "I need you to get me out of here- you know, away from camp."

Peggy didn't speak for a moment, not until Suzy looked up. She saw the sharp look that the agent was pointing toward her, and shamefully, she looked away. "Look, I don't expect anyone to understand, and that's alright. I mean, of course I hope that Bucky and Steve will come to accept my decision. But I know that me, being here, it's not doing anyone any favours. I've considered it a long int he last few hours, and I can't be of any help here, not anymore."

Another moment of silence, this one more uncomfortable than the last.

"And here I was, thinking that you were stronger than that."

Suzy looked up, her eyes wide. "Excuse me?"

Clucking her tongue, the Brit crossed her arms, "When I was trying to join S.H.-" Peggy froze, thinking for a brief moment and continuing, "the forces, you can imagine the trials that I had to overcome. The men that I had to prove myself to. If I'm quite honest, the _women_ that I had to prove myself to. I still do, really. I hated every moment of it- working my hardest to perform above expectations and for that still not to be good enough. I was exhausted. Toward the end of my training, I almost walked away; I didn't believe that I could do it. I almost gave up on myself."

Suzy opened her mouth to speak, and Peggy raised a hand, freezing the younger girl. "But, I didn't give up. A wise friend gave me the ammunition that I needed to push past those who doubted me, and look where life has taken me. I've helped more people as an agent than I could have ever imagined. But if I'd walked away, I would not have been able to accomplish those goals. To help those who have needed it. To kick Hitler's foolishly clothed arse."

Suzy shook her head, "yeah, well I can't be a nurse if I don't have two working legs. And I definitely can't kick anyone in the ass." Her mother would have smacked her over the head for the language, but something about the woman beside her gave her confidence to speak her mind. Curiously, she felt like she needed to impress Peggy. She apparently hadn't done a very good job at that.

"I'm pretty pathetic, huh?"

Suzy adjusted her crutches, preparing to hobble away, when Peggy placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"That's not to say that you can't join in other efforts, Suzy. That you can't fight through a different avenue."

Her silence was in part to the friendly way in which Peggy had said her name- something that suddenly didn't bother her quite as much- and also, it was partially due to the onslaught of questions that ran through her mind at that very moment. She took a moment before looking back over her shoulder, "You sound like you have something already planned?"

"I have a friend who could really use an assistant. It's nothing too big- you don't have to worry about running around all over the camp. He just needs… an extra set of hands, you might say."

Suzy frowned quizzically, eyeing the woman that stood behind her. She didn't understand why Peggy wanted to help her, but she also didn't want to give up on her position in the forces if there was _any_ potential of her being able to actually help someone. A moment ago, she'd been positive that Brooklyn was the only place left for a girl like her. But hope began to scratch away at the back of her mind.

Her answer was slow, but her decision had been quick. "If you can pass it through Colonel Phillips, I'm sure that I can try to help your friend. Whatever they may need."

Peggy smiled so widely that Suzy couldn't help but smile abashedly back. "Brilliant! I'll let him know at once- oh, he'll be thrilled! Meet me here tomorrow morning and I can take you right to the lab. It'll be perfect for you."

And off she went, a hand squeezing at Suzy's arm as she promptly headed in the direction that she had come from, her hair bouncing with each step.

Suzy had to take a moment to understand the interaction. She was honestly quite floored that the Agent had even taken the time to comfort her.

Was it comfort? She supposed so.

Suzy certainly felt that Peggy'd at least proved to be a formidable distraction. Maybe even a small beacon of hope for the nearly-hopeless nurse.

Staring up at the slowly lightening sky, Suzy shook her head. She needed to keep herself from getting her hopes up.

With that, she gracelessly twisted around on her crutches and elbowed the tent flap open, seeing her friend still sleeping comfortably in her cot.

Laying herself back down, she sighed, closing her eyes and trying to settle. A slightly painful itch started in her leg and she closed her eyes tighter, trying to stop herself from scratching at the phantom limb.

Tomorrow may be a brighter day, but at that moment, she still felt the ebbs of fear trying to claw away at her.

In the end, she scratched at the emptiness, anyways.

Suzy had changed her mind- or rather, Peggy had changed her mind. And now that she wanted so badly to stay, she wouldn't be able to.

"I'm very sorry, miss, but the requisition has already been forwarded on order to send you home. You simply aren't fit to be working with the troops anymore."

Suzy squeezed her hands together, staring at the sheet that sat at her lap. Looking up at the doctor, she saw his eyes, tired with the constant work. "You're sure that there's nothing I can do? I could help with the cooking, or-"

"Miss Barnes, please. You've been through a very troubling experience. You need to go home to your family- to rest." His expression was drained, staring sadly at her pleading face.

She blinked heavily, looking up at the ceiling to try and to contain the emotions that were flooding through her. "My family is _here."_

If he saw the tears in her eyes, he ignored it, sighing. "It's no matter. I can't ethically sign off on your request. I'm sorry." With that, he stood and heaved up his bag with a heavy grunt, nodding abruptly to her before leaving the room.

Suzy fell back into her bed, her palms rubbing roughly at her eyes, smothering away her tears of frustration.

A rather pathetic knock hit the fabric of her tent, and she looked over her shoulder let out a shuddering breath. "Come in, it's open."

The familiar blonde hair of Steve Rogers was the first thing that she saw, and she sat herself up more, rubbing once more at her face in an effort to hide her exhaustion and frustration.

"Steve, good heavens, you're a sight for sore eyes."

He quirked a brow, looking behind himself and motioning to the entryway. "What, you're saying that the good old doctor wasn't dazzling you?"

She rolled her eyes, "I wish I could say that he did, but right now I'm praying that I never have to see his face again. No offence meant to him."

Steve smiled sympathetically, coming to stand at the edge of her bed. "Really, how are you doing?"

Suzy crossed her arms, feeling rather like a child as he looked down at her. "People can't seem to stop asking me that."

He grimaced, rubbing at his elbow. "I'm sorry, it's just that you lost-" he seemed to freeze, before restarting his sentence,

"-you've gone through a lot. The factory, Hydra, it was two months. Everyone is worried, confused. People can't even begin to imagine."

"Yeah, and I'd very much like to forget." Her voice sounded hollow as she spoke, and even she winced at the sound. Steve looked uncomfortable, and she felt remorse for her abrupt response.

"Could you maybe just sit for a minute? I think I need a friend right now." Allowing herself to be vulnerable, she patted at the end of the bed, to which he softly lowered himself. "Of course. Anything that you need."

"Honestly, I need something to feel normal. What I would give to watch a ball game right now."

Steve smiled, nodding. He was silent for a long moment, deliberating. Finally, he cleared his throat. "A distraction, right?"

She nodded, fiddling with her hands. "The war isn't quite what I imagined, not anymore. Is that bad to say?"

He shook his head, "No, I don't think so. Who could have expected any of this- especially with Hydra to worry about now. Nobody was trained to fight superhumans..." He paused at this, laughing sadly, "Heck, nobody trained to fight men like _me._ "

"Men like you are the men that we need, Steve. Despite my initial doubts, I can't help but imagine that without you, I'd still be in that lab."

He shrugged, "We've all played our part to help."

"Don't you dare sell yourself short, Rogers."

He looked up at her, his ocean eyes looking at her with so much sadness that she felt her heart beat faster.

"Was it ever really me that helped, though? It's starting to feel like Steve Rogers has taken a back seat in this new guy's show."

He leaned his elbows on his knees and placed his head in his hands. They manoeuvred through his hair, dishevelling it from its perfectly held style.

"I dunno Suze, I don't want to complain. I mean, what is there to complain about, really? I'm still in one piece,"

She winced, and he paused, looking anxiously toward her as if to question if he'd crossed a line. Which, of course he hadn't. Not with her, he couldn't possibly. She shook her head softly and motioned with her hand for him to continue speaking.

Clearing his throat, he continued, still looking over toward her. "I'm healthier than I've ever been. Everyone calls me a hero. Everyone wants my autograph. This was what I'd dreamed of, before we came down here. I wanted so badly to be a war hero. Now I'm here, and I feel lost."

She listened patiently, slowly reaching her hand out for him. He smiled graciously and caught it in his own, now much larger hand. His hand felt warm, and surprisingly soft in hers.

Laughing rather pathetically, he squeezed her hand in his. "And here I was, thinking that I'd come in here to comfort you. You think I'd learn, after all these years."

Snorting, Suzy grinned back at him from under her lashes, "You'd think that you'd learn that I will never ask you to bottle your feelings up, Steve. You deserve to be listened to, as much as anyone else does."

He stared up at her, his face concentrated on something that she couldn't quite figure out. Her cheeks grew warm, and she used her free hand to cover her lips. "Do I have something in my teeth?"

Shaking his head with a gentle laugh, he looked away, staring ahead at Ruth's empty bunk. "You know, I haven't been completely honest with you."

The words made her stomach flip, and she felt her chest grow warm. "In what way?"

He sighed, opening up his fist and spreading her hand out, staring down at the lines of her palm.

"I didn't come over here just to bring you some kind of comfort, if I'm completely honest, it was actually more to bring _me_ some inner peace. I know it sounds horribly selfish, but you can't imagine how it felt to see you that way. On that table."

Suzy felt her stomach flip uncomfortably. Like she'd told Bucky, she didn't want to talk about this, not yet. But she found herself nodding, watching closely as he idly played with her fingers. She decided to speak, "I think I know a bit about it. I mean, of course, we both saw Buck after the ordeal, too. No sister should have to see her brother suffering like that."

Steve smiled bashfully, "Of course, yeah, there was Bucky... But I- I think you'll understand if I say that with you, it was a different kind of pain."

She didn't pick up on his wording, her brows furrowing as she spoke, "Well, yeah, of course. I mean, we were both extremely unique cases from one another, while we were in that- that lab. I mean, it doesn't necessarily take a genius to see that."

Steve opened his mouth to speak, when the tent began to shuffle, and a booming laugh echoed throughout the small area. An all too familiar voice interrupted, "Obviously it does!"

Both of them jumped, their hands separating from their casual embrace. Bucky ambled into the room without 'knocking' on the terrible excuse for a door.

"No offence Suze, but you're as thick as pig shit."

If she'd been speaking with anyone else, she would have been mortified. But Bucky had always had a- how could you say it- _way with words_. His _way_ being that he couldn't seem to censor them.

"Wow, good to see you too, Buck." She rolled her eyes, looking back at Steve, who was looking intently, and perhaps even with annoyance, toward Bucky.

"Bucky, I was just trying to have a conversation with your sister."

Bucky snorted, crossing his arms. "That's what you call it? She's not getting it, Steve."

Suzy turned and looked behind herself at her brother, glaring. "If you're going to speak, could you maybe do it while facing me, Bucky?"

He frowned just barely, looking down toward her legs so quickly that she almost couldn't catch it, before sighing in resolute and coming to stand in front of her and Steve.

"Steve, let me just save you the trouble, please. I beg of you."

Clapping his hands together in silent prayer, Bucky kneeled lazily onto one leg, staring up at his best friend. Steve blanched, shaking his head furiously. "Buck, no, no, you can't-"

"Steve wants to ask you to the dance."

Her twin's voice cut Steve's begging off, and as a result, silenced the room.

Suzy sat, mouth quirked into a tight frown, while Steve covered his face with his hands, rubbing heavily at his forehead.

Bucky, on the other hand, sat with a foxlike grin, looking expectantly between his two companions.

" _Bucky-_ " they both started at once, pausing to let the other speak, but instead causing the silence to grow even more awkward. Bucky's grin grew bigger, and he stood with his arms spread out. "Better figure it out, kiddos, because I've got a date that's waiting on me. It's all you, now." He looked pointedly to Steve as he said this, before clapping him on the back and all but skipping out of the room.

She didn't want to speak first- what would she even begin to say?

Luckily, Steve began, his eyes wandering anywhere but at her. "He wasn't supposed to- I mean- it wasn't supposed to go like that."

Suzy nodded, ignoring his statement, "A dance, huh?"

Steve smiled timidly, rubbing at the back of his head, "Yeah, Thursday evening. I know that you've been on bed rest, but it's a few days from now and I think that a night out might be good for you-"

She frowned, picking stupidly at a stray piece of fluff on her blanket.

"I can't dance, Steve, no offence."

He shrugged, "I've never been able to dance either, I'm a real dead hoofer, you know that. I'm not asking you because I want to dance- I'm asking you because I want to enjoy your company for the evening. Like we used to."

She didn't speak, and he continued to talk, "And I mean, of course I'd love to share a dance with you, Suze. But I understand that it's not really the right time and I would never try to rush you into something that you're not comfortable with. But maybe you could come for a drink. Not that it has to be alco-"

"Steve, I'd love that."

He looked up into her eyes, smiling shyly. "Really?"

"Without a doubt; you remember our days dancing back in New York- I'd love nothing more than to go back to times like that."

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, not wanting to excite him too much, "But-"

Instantly he had frozen, and she had to force herself to continue looking at him, despite her desire to fade away into the ground below them- and frankly, seeing his face fall made her feel as if she probably belonged there, with the dirt and grime.

He was waiting on her, she realized, and her voice sounded lousy in her ears as she continued, "I mean to say that I don't think I'll be able to."

His smile had now faded completely, and with a deep frown he moved closer, grabbing once again at her hands and huddling them back into his warmer ones. "I know that it feels that way right now, but things will improve. It'll be good for you to come out for the night, Suze. You don't really need to be able to dance, you know that right? I just wanted to enjoy your company."

She laughed softly, patting at this hand. "No, Steve, you don't understand. I mean that I really _can't._ I won't be at the camp anymore."

He swallowed loudly, his brows furrowed, "What does that even mean?"

"Dr. Muzina, the one that you walked past, he made the final call today. They're sending me back home within the week. Everyone keeps on saying that I'm not fit to serve anymore- after all of this work, you can't even imagine. I'm trying to find a way to stay, but tt's only a matter of days until I need to be packed, so I'm sorry, but I can't really promise to be your date."

Both of them froze at the sentence, her choice of words causing butterflies in her stomach, and according to the look in Steve's eyes, possibly his. Letting go of his hands, she pulled herself back in the bed with a horrid blush painting her cheeks.

"I mean, date being a vague phrase." She rushed the words out, trying to backpedal. Seeing the look on his face, she blushed even harder, pushing some hair behind her ear. "Look, you know that I mean."

He shrugged, moving slightly forward and clasping his hands together. "I know what you mean, but maybe I _am_ inviting you to be my date. Phrase fully intended."

The room felt far too warm, and she pulled her hair behind her should, trying to cool herself. Where in the world did Steve's sudden bout of confidence come from? Maybe it was the serum? Growing up, she'd never even heard Steve say the word date without stuttering.

And, quite fitting to her trail of thought, she herself barely knew how to reply without stuttering.

"Steve, I'm- I'm flattered. I'm actually overjoyed that you want me to be your date. I'd like nothing more. But, like I said..."

Trailing off, Suzy looked down at her hands. She glanced over at his hands, too, for a moment. They were clenched tightly, and she felt her stomach drop. He wouldn't be mad- not the Steve that she knew. But if she'd hurt his feelings...

"Well, if this Doctor hasn't send you back home before Thursday rolls around, I hope that I'll be seeing you there. There's no other dame that I'd like to spend the evening with."

Relief overtook her, and she smiled gratefully. She needed to stop doubting his kind nature.

Suzy's eyes shyly found their way to Steve's. He was already looking up at her, his stare soft, and she could see his familiar warmth and passion in them. After an extended moment of eye contact, he smiled bashfully, before rubbing at the back of his head, almost as if he had suddenly remembered where they were. Clearing his throat, he averted his eyes away again, shrugging his shoulders, "And if you _are_ gone by the time that the dance rolls around, at least promise me a dance when the war is over."

Shaking her head, Suzy laughed, "Didn't we just talk about this? These legs weren't made for dancing. You may have to hold me up the whole time."

It was embarrassing, admitting her weakness out loud. The patched up limb was a sore image, and Suzy had been very adamant in trying to pretend to her friends that nothing about her had really changed. Not that it was really working, but she could only try; she needed to retain some semblance of pride. But of course, with his blue eyes staring up at her, she realized that she really never could fool Steve.

She was insecure, of course, but seeing his expression, her heart melted. His face was so kind, so welcoming. It had been within the past few years that Suzy had really realized that she, very happily, could grow old smiling with the familiar warmth of Steve Rogers. This stood to be just as true, at that moment.

With a nod, Steve stood from his seat. And letting out a soft laugh, he leaned down in front of her, pushing the hair back behind her ear once more. "No man is ever going to need to hold you up, Suze- you're too strong to be carried. But the man that gets to stand beside you and support you, _that's_ the luckiest man on earth."

She didn't speak, watching as he smiled up at her. Squeezing her hand, Steve stood, softly dropping it an turning to leave. "I'll come by tomorrow to check in on you, okay?"

She nodded, mindlessly watching his broad frame leave the room. As soon as he had left, she fell back into her bed with a sigh.

Steve Rogers really would be the death of her. **Yoooo! Please don't hate me. ;) I know it's been a hot minute- I've been living life and went through a huge writer's block. I'm not actually even sure if I'm happy with how this chapter (or the last) ended up, but I'm sticking with it. It almost feels like this story has a mind of its own.** **Also, I know it seems like I'm rushing things, but bare with me. Things won't be easy for the two. And again, the story is slight AU/OOC due to me not wanting to spend all of my time rewatching the movies and calculating an exact timeline. I just wanna write. :) 3**

 **Wish me luck in getting the next chapter out!**


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